Well, that's not true; I was the dumper my first relationship ever, but I did such a miserable job that eventually I ended up being dumped cause I was going back and forth (hence being really inconsiderate; hindsight = 20/20).
But I've aged a few years and learned a lot since, and do not expect to make such an ugly exit this time, or ever again.
Of course I set myself up great (not).
Been in touch with this girl for a few months over LDR, talking about 2x a week, but something deep inside tells me it's just not going to work. We see each other in 2 weeks. Yeah, long wait, build the anticipation, then let it all crash down in flaming fury. Not what I want/wanted, but I'm afraid waiting will just make it worse - cut my losses now and save greater pain later, right?
So how do I? I've really tied myself up in a quandary...Ugh. I don't want to, but something deep inside tells me it just won't last...!!
Well, that's not true; I was the dumper my first relationship ever, but I did such a miserable job that eventually I ended up being dumped cause I was going back and forth (hence being really inconsiderate; hindsight = 20/20).
But I've aged a few years and learned a lot since, and do not expect to make such an ugly exit this time, or ever again.
Of course I set myself up great (not).
Been in touch with this girl for a few months over LDR, talking about 2x a week, but something deep inside tells me it's just not going to work. We see each other in 2 weeks. Yeah, long wait, build the anticipation, then let it all crash down in flaming fury. Not what I want/wanted, but I'm afraid waiting will just make it worse - cut my losses now and save greater pain later, right?
So how do I? I've really tied myself up in a quandary...Ugh. I don't want to, but something deep inside tells me it just won't last...!!
- Tell her in person, or at least on the phone (if she's still far away). Don't email or text or IM.
- Be open, direct, and short. No need to twist the knife in the wound.
- She will want to talk about it. Don't. Keep the conversation to a few minutes, max.
1-Why don't you think this will work? Is it fear? Is it something else? Can it be fixed? You can talk to her about that. Will moving closer to her solve it? Do you want to save the relationship?
If you decide you want to break up:
1-Be gentle and express yourself clearly.
2-ANSWER her questions truthfully....there will be lots of "Whys." Be honest but gentle.
3-It's probably best to have no contact at all. Gently explain to her that it is best if you two don't speak for a while....maybe a few months, maybe never speak again...decide that but be clear and direct. Be gentle, but not wishy-washy. And really explain what that means....you won't be in contact with her on any level (no phone calls, no emails, etc.).
4-If you have her on your myspace/facebook page, take the pictures down, but TELL her you will take the pictures down. If you end up in another relationship before a few months is up, DON't put that woman's picture up there.
5-Respect her pain and her grief.
Good luck
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2-ANSWER her questions truthfully....there will be lots of "Whys." Be honest but gentle.
I disagree. If you start answering all her questions, it will never end. You will say things that she will obsess on forever (if she takes the break-up badly). She won't be ready for this kind of talk on the day of the break-up. Maybe some months later. So, don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moo
3-It's probably best to have no contact at all. Gently explain to her that it is best if you two don't speak for a while....maybe a few months, maybe never speak again...decide that but be clear and direct. Be gentle, but not wishy-washy. And really explain what that means....you won't be in contact with her on any level (no phone calls, no emails, etc.).
You can tell her, but it's pointless. Unless she realizes for herself that' NC is good for her, she will contact you. You might ignore her contact attempts, but its her those are going to hurt. She has to find the strength herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moo
4-If you have her on your myspace/facebook page, take the pictures down, but TELL her you will take the pictures down. If you end up in another relationship before a few months is up, DON't put that woman's picture up there.
I disagree. She was part of his life, why remove it?
And why not put the new woman up? No one forces her to look at it, it's her own responsibility.
Well, that's not true; I was the dumper my first relationship ever, but I did such a miserable job that eventually I ended up being dumped cause I was going back and forth (hence being really inconsiderate; hindsight = 20/20).
But I've aged a few years and learned a lot since, and do not expect to make such an ugly exit this time, or ever again.
Of course I set myself up great (not).
Been in touch with this girl for a few months over LDR, talking about 2x a week, but something deep inside tells me it's just not going to work. We see each other in 2 weeks. Yeah, long wait, build the anticipation, then let it all crash down in flaming fury. Not what I want/wanted, but I'm afraid waiting will just make it worse - cut my losses now and save greater pain later, right?
So how do I? I've really tied myself up in a quandary...Ugh. I don't want to, but something deep inside tells me it just won't last...!!
Just make sure that it's legitimate reasons for why you think it won't last and NOT just your insecurity talking.
What are your reasons right now for believing it's not going to work?
__________________
And remember, the light at the end of the tunnel just may be you!
And I thought the classic line was that it was always women reacting on impulse to gut instincts without any reason. Rofl.
Well OP, since you've made your decision, you just have to tell her as it is. Dumping is never easy. It was so very hard for me with my ex even though I was totally over him.
Just make sure you're SURE and you don't dump her only to start asking her to take you back two weeks later when she's around again. Bad for your dignity and also a horrible mind**** for her.
My comments might seem stupid to an insensitive person, utterer. I don't think they are. You can disagree with me, but try to have some decorum in the forums.
My comments might seem stupid to an insensitive person, utterer. I don't think they are. You can disagree with me, but try to have some decorum in the forums.
Sorry if I offended you, I did not intend to.
However, I do think that it's stupid to expect that anyone censors their facebook according the wishes of an ex.
After telling her to f*ck off and remove every single trace of her from my life for the fifth (or so) time... she actually did it.
But it's ok, it wasn't that bad. Just hurt pride. I'm sure it's one of the few things you can actually understand.
....Right.
So, did she cheat on you? Tell you she doesn't love you anymore?
Or is it something different altogether? Maybe you were made fun of at some point in your life, and that's why you can't accept others weakness in any form. Because you yourself had no room for weakness; you fought all the pain. No one could hurt you. No one. And now you can't understand why anyone else has any moments of weakness. You hate it. You hate yourself. Don't worry, it wasn't your fault.
Last edited by ThomasX Forever; 12th August 2009 at 7:06 PM..
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