[Muscles]

Dear Fellow infoseekers,

If you been boozing and have recovered, could you please take a minute or two to read this. I could sure use a seasoned & recovered alchoholics view.

After a 33 year run with alchohol I finally gave up the old bottle. Have done it several times in the past but never with such conviction!

I was never a job losing fish that couldn't get up and put in a serious day no matter how late I stayed up. Built my own business and accomplished anything I set my mind to. Was I at my best, No! But I got by without anyone knowing about a drop except for my immediate family.

At 47 I finally got disgusted with myself and wanted so much more out of life than just a hangover in the morning and celebration parties of my latest successes. I quit without help for the first 6 months and now i'm with AA because I wasn't living spiritually healthy.

Now for the bad part. I'm seriously not happy with my perfect wife who does everything for me and a marriage of 22 years. So much so that I can't stand to have her even close to me. We haven't been together for 4 months sexually and I have absolutey no interest in doing so either.

In AA I hear about people with so much happiness in their partners after recovery but also much pain and suffering from divorce etc. I keep waiting to walk in the door and have this realization that I have found my long lost love all over again.

The other side of me feels like I've been living a lie my entire married life and it is now coming to light! I feel so strongly about just leaving and starting over with a clean slate. Problem is there is a son involved and it would kill me to do this to him.

The marriage is coming apart daily and the tension is building with seperation looking like the only relief in sight.

I've immersed myself in my work in order to avoid the confrontations. I'm not having any affairs but i feel like my life is on hold spiritully. I am evolving with meditation and inner strength but I feel like I'm moving ahead with my life and leaving the rest behind me in the process.

I know your not supposed to be making big changes for the first year or so but i don't think either of us will make it to that point.

Would appreciate anyone's experiences with this. Am I on the road to ruin maritally or is there a joy bigger than I ever imagined in my future?

Stone "cold" Sober