[silvrgirl64]

My first post, please be patient. Three years ago I found out that my H was involved in an affair with a younger woman. When I confronted him he said that it was something that he had to work out. I told him to move out and I filed for divorce. Seven months later we reconciled after she kicked him to the curb when she found out that he misrepresented his portion of the marital assets (i.e. she found out that he had nothing by himself). After much begging and pleading and against strong objections by friends and family, I took him back. Since returning home he has acted depressed and lethargic. He will not talk about the affair and does not show any remorse for the havoc that it caused in my life, our child's life or the lives of our families. He just wants to act as if it never happened. In fact, he gets angry if it is mentioned. That makes me really angry.

On top of that the "other woman" who bills herself as a youth minister and leader of Chi-stain women has gone around town and denied that she was ever involved in the fiasco. She proceeded to marry the first man she met on the rebound and has come out of this disaster without anything sticking to her.
That makes me really angry.

I feel that I have suffered in ways that I may never fully recover from. I want for justice to be served in some manner. I try to believe that "what comes around goes around" but sometimes I just can't settle for that. My feelings are invalidated by my spouse and people seem to think that it this something that I will just have to get over. Will the desire for revenge ever go away?

[mighty bop]

It's too late for revenge because you already took your husband back. Although what would be really good is to have an affair with this girl's husband.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Will the desire for revenge ever go away?"

Yes, if you attain the wisdom and maturity to make it happen.

Meanwhile, it would be helpful if you learn to take responsibility for what happens in your life and not pass it along to others. You married this man of your own free will (I assume) and by virtue to committed to a life with him. If he doesn't choose to live up to his committment yet you take him back fully knowing he has made this decision, shame on you.

Let it go!!! Anger will raise your blood pressure, cause cardiovascular disease and sleep disorders and shorten your life. Don't give these people that power.

[Ally Boo]

If you are finding it impossible to look past the hurt he caused in your relationship, you should probably get out. It's not going to get better with time. Maybe YOU should get some counseling to help you deal with anger and finding ways to express it...bc it wiill still be there as well, even if he wasn't in your life.

As far as the woman is concerned, you have no control over that. I TOTALLY understand how you feel, and the fact that she goes on without a scratch probably makes you resent him even more.

The fact is, you were done wrong, and you don't feel like you've gotten the appology you deserved, or had it made back to you. And honestly, he sounds like he just came back to you, bc you are the old shoe.

I'm not in your house, and I don't know you two, but from the way you put it here, it sounds like it is over. But, I would also recommend that you two see a marriage counseler. Things weren't OK with you two to begin with...otherwise he wouldn't have been tempted to get involved with someone else.

[Angel]

Unfortunately it takes years to get through this type of thing. Your husband must take complete responsibilty for his "choices". I learned a lot about this subject through various "infedelity" sites on the internet. People helping people.

You two must be able to talk about all the details. He must be willing to grovel, allow you to ask anything, you must be able to cry and scream until its all out of your system and he truly knows what he put you through----and with a lot of time--you can rebuild. Without these steps, your relationship will probably fail.

I suggest you look up some of these sites on the net.

Good luck.