Am I being ridiculous??

BettyBoo · 11th June 2009, 5:55 PM

My husband accepted a friend invitation on Facebook form a woman who I dont trust. She is the ex girlfriend of a friend of his. I was more friendly with her during their relationship yet she did not add me as a friend even though I am on my husbands facebook page. Am I being ridiculous about this? I am not normally jealous but I just dont trust this. I feel stupid asking my husband to remove her from his page and yet why should she be there ?

CarrieT · 11th June 2009, 6:04 PM

Have you asked to be friends with her and she hasn't responded?

BettyBoo · 11th June 2009, 6:13 PM

No! I don't consider her a friend to be honest. Do you think I should?

tanbark813 · 11th June 2009, 6:22 PM

Yes, you're being a little ridiculous. If you trusted your husband it wouldn't matter whether or not you trusted the friend's ex.

Thornton · 11th June 2009, 6:34 PM

Send her a friend request so you can keep an eye on her. If she doesn't request, it seems fair to ask your husband to delete her - if she can't be friends with both of you then she's up to something. But really, if you trust your hubby then it shouldn't be a big deal.

dunstable · 12th June 2009, 8:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thornton

Send her a friend request so you can keep an eye on her. If she doesn't request, it seems fair to ask your husband to delete her - if she can't be friends with both of you then she's up to something. But really, if you trust your hubby then it shouldn't be a big deal.

I agree with that. Simple test.

lora22 · 11th June 2009, 6:38 PM

I don't think feeling slighted and wondering WTH is ridiculous at all. Being jealous seems a tad ridiculous if you don't have a good reason to not trust her with your husband.

If you were more friendly with her than your husband was during her relationship with his friend, then I don't see how she could consider your husband a "friend" but not you. So go ahead and friend request her, even though you don't consider her to be one. That way you'll either have access to her info if she accepts, or a more legit reason to be slightly suspicious if she declines or ignores it - or at least you could casually mention to your husband, "Oh that's odd...." and see his reaction.

How long did she and his friend date, and how long ago was the break up? Maybe she's just having a hard time with it and hoping for some info on her ex from your husband's page?

*Also, this may not be relevant, but I personally friend request wives of any man I friend request, or who friend requests me, even if I've only met her once, or never. It seems like the respectful thing to do (shows I respect their relationship), and guarantees that there will be no issues like you're bringing up. I've never had a wife decline my invitation.

**AND I have my ex bf who is big on respecting other people's relationships too, so if he knows both people in a relationship (met them around the same time or whatever) he never texts woman without sending the exact same text to her SO.

BettyBoo · 12th June 2009, 4:30 AM

I will do a friend request on FB and see what happens. The reason I am finding it all a bit odd is that she broke up with her ex over a year ago and was in a new relationship. When she was with her ex she was quite jealous and would lose it if he had a facebook page with women on she did not know. Yes I often found her behaving flirty with other men herself. I never trusted her around my hubby . I spoke to my husband this morning about it and he said I was being 'pathetic' which really hurt.

Trojan John · 12th June 2009, 4:48 AM

It does sound a bit ridiculous... I have several people who have added me as friends, and I have not had a conversation with them in over 15 years. Then there are the random acquaintances, people I've met exactly once, etc. I think you're looking too much into it.

Chrome Barracuda · 12th June 2009, 4:51 AM

"The wolves in sheeps clothing are hard to spot in the forrest."

The best thing to do is trust your gut. Sometimes it might be right. I think you should keep an eye open.

noell · 13th June 2009, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BettyBoo

My husband accepted a friend invitation on Facebook form a woman who I dont trust. She is the ex girlfriend of a friend of his. I was more friendly with her during their relationship yet she did not add me as a friend even though I am on my husbands facebook page. Am I being ridiculous about this? I am not normally jealous but I just dont trust this. I feel stupid asking my husband to remove her from his page and yet why should she be there ?

Well think about it. Why do you not trust her?
Why is she requesting your husband in the first place? Womens intuition is a funny thing that usually seems to be correct.
Some women thrive on causing problems or like men that are involved.
Not that he shouldnt have friends but he really doesnt need any new female friends in his life since he is married to you.
It very well may be nothing but why risk it? Let him know what is going through your head. He probably just doesnt realize that is makes you uncomfortable.

Good luck.

BettyBoo · 15th June 2009, 10:14 AM

Thanks for all your replies. I told my husband how I felt about it and why I was upset. I decided not to do a friend request as I really don't want her a s a 'friend'. He deleted her from his page and I feel a lot happier about it. I do think she is a bit of a meddler and I trust my own instincts!

Has anyone else has Facebook exoeriences they rather not?

lora22 · 15th June 2009, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BettyBoo

Has anyone else has Facebook exoeriences they rather not?

Yes, FB is evil!!!!

BettyBoo · 15th June 2009, 7:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lora22

Yes, FB is evil!!!!

So what happened???

lora22 · 16th June 2009, 4:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BettyBoo

So what happened???

Many things. It's just so incredibly voyeuristic, and if you have an account, it's often impossible to avoid knowing or seeing things you'd rather not know and see. On top of that, IMO it has made people feel WAY too comfortable flirting with people, whether they should be flirting with said person or not....and it's there for everyone to see! Which A) means that I (or you or whoever the gf is) sees it and finds things out, which turns into a jealousy issue or worse and B) EVERYONE else on FB sees it, which could potentially be totally humiliating (for example, all my friends see my bf hitting on a girl who is returning the favor; all my friends see a pic of my bf making out with another girl at a bar; etc.).

Things are FB can also often appear one way to everyone else, but are totally not what they seem. (Example: Boy writes on my wall, leaving a message saying I should go see him or something along those lines. Boy and I had a couple classes together in previous semesters, but only rarely see each other now, and rarely talk. But now all of my friends on FB see this message, and start asking me when Boy and I started hanging out/dating/whatever, because his message implies that we know each other or see each other in ways other than what is reality.) I can think of dozens of other similar examples off the top of my head.

Anyways, FB rant aside, a brief list of problems I've had with FB:
* Random girl friended my bf on FB. They start chatting via FB and AIM. I say, that's inappropriate, you don't know her, he says, well now I do and she's just being friendly. Next thing I know she's trying to date him and causing me problems b/c he didn't stop talking to her and probably didn't tell her he already had a gf.
* My bf's nights at the bars get minutely documented and the pics get posted online for everyone to see. Now I don't trust him going out to bars without me, don't want him talking to or seeing certain girls, and am humiliated that the pics are up for everyone to see.
* I suspect my bf is cheating on me (emotionally or otherwise) with this girl that he talks to every day on the phone and on AIM (but hides from me, I only know b/c of snooping on his phone); a couple minutes of FBing later, and suspicions confirmed (which some might say is a good thing - I do too, aside from my general issues with FB).
* A friend posts a pic of me with my arm around my guy friend, just a nice regular pose; ex bf calls me screaming at me for 5 days because apparently that meant I was already hooking up with someone else (yeah, he had issues).
* With my most recent bf, every time I logged in to FB I was confronted with information that I def. wanted to know (although honestly a lot of it wasn't my business), but that I wouldn't have ever known had it not been for FB, b/c my bf didn't tell me. Trust me when I say it is not fun to have to say to someone (ALL THE TIME) "Oh hey I'm mad at you b/c of something I saw on FB." And honestly, many of the things wouldn't have been an issue if I hadn't seen it on FB and later found out from my bf, but the fact that I saw it all over FB, constantly, sent me through the roof.