Newbie here - husband confessed homoerotic dream awhile back. He was very worried that he might be gay and was missing out on a whole life that he didn't have as a heterosexual male. Sex has always been super important to him. Says he never acted on the gay impulse with another man, ever, even as a teen. We've gone to couples counseling, worked on communication, etc. Thought it was over. Now (a year later) he reveals it's still a problem. From all of my extensive internet "research" I truly believe he has the sexual obsession form of OCD (HOCD). But he doesn't believe it/can't believe it/doesn't perfectly fit ALL of the signs, etc. Hallmarks of the doubting disease, I know!
Anyway, I'm ready to move out because of the uncertainty. He's very reluctant to discuss the subject. Is it wrong for me to think about a trial separation while he's trying to figure this all out? (BTW we still have great sex.) I love him completely but am going insane with the inability to make plans. Have teenagers, college coming up, etc. Have been together for 20 years.
If this post is better off in a different section (marriage, maybe) please let me know. But I know several folks on this site have had experience with HOCD - which is why I've initially posted this here.
I think there is more to what he is saying than him being "afraid" that he's gay.
Is he interested in m2m sex? Are you willing to allow him this fulfilled curiosity?
I don't think he is simply "afraid" that he is gay. I think he is "afraid" that he wants to act on it and can't find a way to just tell you that.
Talk to him.
That's how it begins!!! That's what I'm thinking about as well I've seen it happen, that's how it happens when straight people cheat, oh their just a friend, we arent hanging out too much, oh no he didnt squeeze my azz. The signs are there.
I think there is more to what he is saying than him being "afraid" that he's gay.
Is he interested in m2m sex? Are you willing to allow him this fulfilled curiosity?
I don't think he is simply "afraid" that he is gay. I think he is "afraid" that he wants to act on it and can't find a way to just tell you that.
Talk to him.
In response - early on told him to try it (m2m). Said not interested.
Re: "afraid" - it's a worry issue - ruminating on not knowing. Afraid that he doesn't know for sure, never will. He's not opposed to people being gay at all. We have family/friends who are gay.
Re: "talk to him" - gone that route, going back into MC soon.
Looking for HOCD input from people who know what that is.
I wouldnt bring god into this, they already got enough problems as it is! lmao
But seriously to the OP you need to find a way to help your husband and make him be comfortable in his own skin whether he realizes he's hetrosexual or not.
It might be where he's coming out and dont want to ruin things and he's torn. I would be pissed if I was you, because you didnt sign up for that.
I wouldnt bring god into this, they already got enough problems as it is! lmao
But seriously to the OP you need to find a way to help your husband and make him be comfortable in his own skin whether he realizes he's hetrosexual or not.
It might be where he's coming out and dont want to ruin things and he's torn. I would be pissed if I was you, because you didnt sign up for that.
Good luck to you.
OP here - I've done everything I could to help him figure this out over the last year. I am pissed. Tired of being pissed. Tired of him not wanting to communicate about it.
Yeah right... my whole marriage was a dream. And it turned into a nightmare when I came home from work early to find my husband with three other guys on our living room floor.
I did a LOT of research after my divorce and there are quite a lot of men who discover or act on their homoerotic tendencies later in life. If your husband is admitting it is still a problem, than you need to get him to be complete honest with you. In my case, I was DAMN lucky I didn't get AIDS considering my husband and I had been having sex during his indiscretions.
I dont think there's nothing wrong with him being gay...but he is married to a woman that's the problem, either way someone is gonna get hurt. I think you should hand him seperation papers BC83. So that way if you do happen to divorce at least he wont go out and blatantly destroy your family. he's struggling to remain straight and faithful. and you deont need a man who's wishy washy. You need a man who knows what he wants.
I dont think there's nothing wrong with him being gay...but he is married to a woman that's the problem, either way someone is gonna get hurt.
It was a quote from Seinfeld (<wailing> "She thinks we're gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"). This situation is WAY beyond any helpful advice from me. And yeah, someone's going to get hurt.
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