My wife has gone on vacation with several of her female friends. Now I'm an emotional mess. I told her she could go when she asked but it started out as a couple days, then four, now a week. Okay, maybe she needed the time but I am really hurting. I think she say it as more fun than her marriage. She texts me daily but all it does is make me more upset but I can't say anything because it will ruin her vacation and make me look like an ass. What do I do? Suck it up and live with it or tell her I've cried myself to sleep every nite? I don't think it is right to leave your husband to vacation with friends just for stress relief. Isn't that what marriage counseling is for?
You gave her the ok, so I think you just have to live with this. If you had any doubts, you should have talked to her about them before she left.
I would let her know, when she gets back, that you felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. Crying yourself to sleep, however, seems a bit much. She's with friends, not with a lover. Is there more going on, that is making you feel insecure?
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We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde
I suggest just sucking it up for now. She must trust you a great deal. A big break seems quit helpful every once and while.
My first wife and I got along fine as long as we had substantially separate lives, with difficult separations. Always seemed very lonely the months she was gone or I was gone. Once we were really together all the time things fell apart - we just didn't get along!!!
Rather than dwelling on the relationship not being right in your face, you might enjoy the time apart. I'm sure she isn't doing this to you, but for herself. Do something for yourself.
Is there more that you are not telling us? If your marriage is good and strong, and you trust her than what's the deal? If things aren't going so good, or you think there's an OM lurking, then maybe this wasn't a good decision. Don't know.
In any instance, if it's bothering you that bad, when she gets back you need to tell her about it.
Are you a man or a woman? sounds like a woman who is crying.
I'm not suggesting that only women are allowed to cry or to feel hurt. but you are acting more than a woman.
did you do something bad in the past the reason you allowing your wife to do this for you? perhaps she just bored having a nice husband who is too docile.
I'm not suggesting you need to punch her or something. but you need to man up and stand up for your right as a husband.
__________________
"Love and Lust are the fruits of life
do not allow them to spoil".
Marriage counseling can be useful but I'd hardly call it a soothing stress reliever.
Given a choice between going on vacation alone or going to marriage counseling? Sorry but a vacation would win hands down. Everybody needs time alone, why not use this time to do things you enjoy?
DH and I are big proponents of separate vacations, though I have to put it out there that it's an exercise in complete trust that we're going to be faithful to our marriage, and not use that time to do anything stupid to damage the relationship (whatever that action may be).
it's natural to miss your partner, and it's completely cool to tell her that you miss her even though you're glad she's enjoying herself ... however, the tone of your letter makes me wonder if you're completely co-dependent on her that she *must* be present for you to function, or if she's stepped out on you before and you're worried that she's going to do it again.
how have you handled other vacations apart? And why is this different?
__________________ The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
We have never vacationed apart. When I agreed she said it was for a couple days then before she left it was 6. She said she wants some "me" time but I thought marriage was working things out together or counseling? I would not vacation without her. Don't desire to. I guess I'm just to insecure but after 20 years of marriage this has thrown me for a loop. I can't cope but I can't get into a shrink for several weeks.
When you first met and fell in love with your wife, it's because of who SHE was as a separate person from you. You've grown together, but it's important for her to rediscover herself from time to time - independent of you. You sound very dependent on her - that's not healthy. If you begrudge her having this one little "me time," she will feel resentful and end up needing more and more "me time" until she wants it all the time.... without you in the picture at all.
So do I love her too much? Who else do i depend on? Am I supposed to talk about this stuff to another man? Find another woman to confide in? I know, I need a shrink.
So do I love her too much? Who else do i depend on? Am I supposed to talk about this stuff to another man? Find another woman to confide in? I know, I need a shrink.
So do I love her too much? Who else do i depend on? Am I supposed to talk about this stuff to another man? Find another woman to confide in? I know, I need a shrink.
Yes - a shrink would be a great idea. You need to get right with yourself and be a whole person ALL ON YOUR OWN to be able to contribute fully to a marriage. Marriage is NOT 50%/50%...a healthy marriage is each person giving 100%!
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