I met a guy a few weeks ago at a party and there was a real spark between us. I was just after a casual fling at the time and I drunkenly commented to my friend (for a laugh, more than anything else) about how he was nothing but a sex object and I would discard him anytime I felt like it. Well now that I have been seeing more of him I have formed an emotional attachment. He is this amazing person and the depth of my attraction goes far beyond the physical. However, one of his friends heard what I said that night and (for reasons I have no idea about, except maybe jealousy over the time I am spending with him) told him. Now he won't even speak to me and last night I threw my self respect out the window by leaving a message on his machine begging him to take me back. I don't know what to do. It was a stupid thing to say but it didn't mean anything and is totally irrelevant now. He must see me as some superficial slag, and I hate that he is reducing me to tears. It is made worse by the fact that I have final university exams at the moment and i cannot concentrate! I need a resolution, but he won't even answer his phone.

[Tony T]

You have now fulfilled one of the many requirements of institutions of higher learning...knowing when to engage your mouth and what not to say when you engage it.

What you said about this man was totally inappropriate, to say either directly in his face or to any other person. What you said served absolutely no purpose at the time except to fill space and time...but you have learned that totally meaningless verbage and bantering among friends can backfire into causing hurt, pain and lifechanging events.

Now, me personally, if a lady was using me for a sex object and I didn't care about her...I'd say let's do it, baby!!! But it's pretty obvious this guy had deeper feelings for you and better intentions than that and you showed a complete disregard for his feelings.

In the future, if you want your own feelings spared be sensitive to the feelings of others, whether you like them at the time or not and whether they are present in the room or not. College students love to talk and spread crap.

You are very wrong to try to call him. Write him a note of apology and tell him how you feel. Mail it to him. Then forget it. It's not likely you will get a reply but he may possibly be a forgiving soul once time has passed. Another thing I have learned in life is that...well, life's like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're going to get.

But I see only a very minimal possibility of this ever coming together in the future. If he really cared about you and heard from others what you said, that was the equivalent of him being at emotional ground zero when a nuclear weapon exploded. If he's very sensitive, this could affect him for a very long time...just like your guilt is affecting you now.

Forgive yourself and move on. You have grown a lot in the last week and I seriously doubt you will ever again in your life make a derrogatory remark about any human being, given you are seeing the pain that can be had from them.

And while I'm at it, I've been around a while and I can tell you for certain that almost everything you say...anywhere....anytime....gets back to the subject of the remarks. Learn to say good things about everybody or say nothing at all. Mama should have told you this.

Don't let all this affect your performance on exams. This whole thing will be history not long from now but your grades will remain on your transcript forever.

[Ally Boo]

I totally agree with Tony. I mean, you hurt his feelings, all you can do is say you are sorry and move on. And Hope that he sees your sincerity.