[butterflyz]

how many of you out there can give someone a second chance - i mean a TRUE second chance without underlying resentment sabotaging the reconnect?

i am someone that cannot find it in my heart to give second chances. it is almost beyond my control. it's like the piece of my heart that the person occupied has been cut out and there is empty space there.

[Raven]

I am a person that gives second chances... however, maybe one would call me a fool.

For whatever reason I don't hold grudges. I say my peace on the issue at hand and then I'm FULLY done with it. I do feel that talking about things fully, getting all the details, no lies cold hard truth helps to rid your mind of things. I mean when you get to the bottom of it, there is nothing left running in the back of your mind.

I was with my so for 5 years and he cheated. I forgave him once I found out, but we talked about it... I can't say that the talking was nice and sane, but I asked every question I wanted answered and demanded that his escape was telling nothing but the truth no matter how awful it was for both of us to endure. Let me tell, you I asked some tough questions. Once all was said and done, I was over it. Subject never came up again.

This goes the same for agruements with friends etc. Please bear in mind though if I'm constantly being backstabbed in the same or similar fashions there is a point you walk away.

Anyway, that's just me.

[midori]

I don't think that there's a hard and fast rule, at least not for me. What am I being asked to forgive? Some things are unacceptable to me -- like physical violence -- so if I were ever subjected to it, while I might be able to forgive I would never forget and would never put myself in the same situation again. I guess it depends on how severe the transgression is in your eyes, and how sympathetic you can be to the transgressor. Depends also on whether or not you believe that people can change.

[tanbark813]

I believe in second chances unless the offense was too grievous to warrant one. But for me personally, I can't give a *true* second chance, as you have described, with no underlying resentment.

I'll try to be lenient on my first chance, but if I give someone a second chance then that second, and final, chance becomes much easier to blow. The tolerance for error is almost zero.

But I've also been told I'm a hardass and in no way do I deny that.

[quankanne]

we're taught to forgive and forget, but while forgiveness might be possible, forgetting isn't! So while I might be able to give someone a second chance, if that person has hurt me, I'm not about to trust him/her. Especially if it's someone I'd seriously dated.

[Bill]

I've made mistakes in my life, and wished that I got a second chance to prove myself.

Second chances are a worthwhile thing to give someone, if they are sorry about what they did. They have to be truly sorry for it, or the second chance is worthless.

We as humans, are flawed, as nature decided. Some people just do not realize what their flaws are until you tell them. Others willing do things wrong for their own benefit and no one else's. You are the one that needs to distinguish between the two.

[butterflyz]

i am someone who can't forgive AND forget.

in time i numb out towards the person, but i can't will my heart to return to that innocent, giddy, "crazy about you" state - i'll always be watching for the other shoe to drop.

i guess i have a character defect since others can do it.

[Tony T]

Forgiveness and forgetting (if you can) is a very nice thing to do. But, as a practical matter, if somebody has screwed you over in some way the chances are more than just excellent they will do it again.

If a relationship is corrupted by some incident of disrespect or disloyalty, it's much better to evaluate the circumstances and give it a lot of serious thought before you remain with a person who is very likely to mess with you again.

I speak out of loads of experience.

[Ally Boo]

Well, I've always been one that said never...but once I met my current boyfriend, everything in my life changed. He treated me REALLY bad, cheated on me, did things to hurt and confuse me and make me bitter. But we still tried to make it work...but it couldn't bc I was filled with resentment. I got rid of him, moved on to another relationship that lasted about a month, and I just thought about how much I did love him. So, I got back with him, and decided I wanted this finalized once and for all.

I go to counselling, and my counseler told me that in order to do that, you just have to get past all the past. I asked her how, she said you just DO it. Don't worry about it, forget about it...as hard as it might sound....and MOST IMPORTANTLY....THINK before speaking and reacting. I have friends who will jump at the chance to tell me things about him....but you have to process it, get past the pain of the past, and then look at it objectively. ALSO, improve your communication with each other.

THIS WILL HELP YOU TREMENDOUSLY. WE don't have the PERFECT relationship, but we are BOTH MUCH happier together, and it's great!