[bluepeanut]

First of all, thank you to everyone for your sincerity and openess in this forum.

OK, here it is....I´m 33 (female) and I am having sexual identity issues lol. A few years ago I fell in love with my friend (female), and I thought she fancied me too. It really messed me up and shook up all my existance. She would always put her hand on my lap, hug me from behind, hold my hand and kiss me in the space between the lip and the chin. I realized maybe I was lesbian and finally confronted myself and her with it, I told her I loved her .She said I was "confused" that sometimes you can have feelings like that for people , but she didn´t feel like that towards me. It broke my heart into a million pieces, I have never felt so much pain in my life. I cried for 1yr, and it also opened up a "can of worms" for me ´cos I had never thought about women previously.

A year ago a bi-woman in my job told me she was in love with me ! I did not feel anything towards her except friendship. I didnt fancy her sexually, I didn´t want to kiss her etc..But thought that maybe I should "try it out" and see if I really liked women better. She said no...I thought the first experience I had had was a one off experience but now I´m feeling atracted to a younger woman at work again. I want to kiss her and cuddle her. I just dont know if I want to go down that road again. I suffered so much already, I dont know if I could go through it a second time..also I´m sure she´s as straight as an arrow and plus we work together...

This is what I dont understand...I dont feel atracted to women sexually speaking. I dont get turned on looking at naked women, and I think I wouldnt like going down on a girl or touching her. It just doesnt excite me.. Also I dont like masculine girls. When I masturbate I like to look at naked men, but I dont fantasize I am with a man. I fantasize I´m the man and I´m with a woman. Does this make me lesbian ?

[annieo]

If you have feelings of attraction/love for women, which you have more than once, then you definitely have bisexual leanings. Do you fall for men too? Do you find men sexually attractive, not to "be" the man, but to be WITH a man?

I understand that you are confused, but I've always though that sexuality is a lot more fluid than the limited labels we have to describe it.

When I was a teenager, I remember having a couple of serious crushes on women. It felt the same as whenever I've had a crush on a man. I never acted on it, but I realize that while I consider myself hetero, I could potentially fall in love with a woman. Won't kill me if it never happens, or if I never have a sexual experience with a woman, but the idea does not disgust me either.

I also think that the woman you admitted love for was a little conflicted herself. I have a few close female friends, but there is no hugging from behind or kissing near the mouth going on. Ditto with my male friends. I think her behavior indicates more than friendship, but when you came out and stated the obvious, she freaked out and ran for cover.

[LovieDove24]

Ok I am not going to define you as I think that is unproductive. I myself think labels are a waste of time anyways and the minute you think you have yourself "pegged" life throws you for another loop! So with that being said, I will share my story in hopes that hearing that you are not the only one will bring you some comfort.

I am 24 and have only ever been in relationships with men. However in my college years I began to notice that I had an attraction to females too. Not just thinking their pretty but finding a womans curves HOT! Haha. Needless to say this threw me for a loop. The more I let myself explore this curiousity mentally I became more comfortable with it and this is what I have discovered. I am not emotionally attracted to women, only physically. I'd prefer to date men because I am both emotionally and physically attracted to them. I find the idea of going down on a woman creepy. I think vaginas are ugly. Lol. Now would I completely discount the idea of being with a woman physically and otherwise if a great opportunity came along? Absolutely not so long as I'm not in a commited relationship at the time. It may sound confusing and I'm not sure any labels cover this one, but for me, it works.

[artbrat]

Agreed with above post. Labels are useless in most cases. Cut yourself a break. I identify myself as gay, but I found there are many shades of sexual preferences. It's not black and white, this or that. I enjoy sex with my dude yet there's a woman at work who is absolutely beautiful inside and out. And sometimes I think hmm...

So relax. There are no hard and fast rules about how you feel at any given moment. Society wants us to think we are "either" "or". It's all good to have sexual attraction to people in general because of who they are and what they bring to us emotionally, physically, spiritually or all of the above. No harm there.

When small farm animals come into the fantasy play, then you're in big trouble (LOL)!

~peace and love

[bluepeanut]

Thank you Annieo, LovieDove24 and artbrat for sharing. I can totally agree with you on an intellectual plane , yet I have to say from an emotional point of view I´m really struggling with my feelings right now. It´s been a long time since I dont allow myself to feel anything for anyone to avoid the pain and to be in this situation again hurts like hell lol !! Thanks for your suppourt

[SlapHappyVahn]

Man, I feel your pain. I'm attracted to both men and women, but I have a similar problem: I'm attracted to them from a male perspective. It has taken me a pretty long time to come to terms with this. I first noticed the issue when I was about 16 or 17, and since then I have gone through years of therapy and self-exploration.

What I myself have found is that I am most definitely transgendered. It was not an easy pill to swallow for me. Being transgendered is a very difficult and confusing situation, but you have to learn to embrace it. I have not gotten any surgery yet, but I often times cross dress and I have passed for a guy numerous times now.

I am not saying that I believe you to be transgendered, I'm just providing you with a possibility. Explore your feelings and explore your mind. Do you feel comfortable with your body? Does the idea of being penetrated bother you? Questions like these will start to point you in the right direction.

Another thing to keep in mind is that a person's gender is just what their body happens to be. A gender identity, however, is how we identify with our body's physical gender. You could be perfectly happy being biologically female, but identifying with yourself in a more masculine way. An even better way is to just identify as your "self," but that is very difficult to achieve in a society where gendered norms are so pronounced.

I think the best thing to do for you would be to get into some counseling. It has helped me out tremendously. There is no shame at all in having a therapist. I'm of the opinion that everyone in the world should have one, actually.

If you have any more questions, I'd be more than happy to help you out. I just don't want to keep rambling here and make this post even longer than it already is. Best of luck!

[fallenwish]

I can't help you out because I have a similar problem! I don't want to be the man in the relationship, but I want to have a girl to just kiss and care about. I'm curious to read all the answers people post to this.