[needhelp]

This is kinda a long story, but here goes.

I met my current wife and her friends 12 years ago. There was one certain friend that I have always been close to. My wife and I have now been married for almost 6 years, and we are still close to this friend, and I am friends with her current husband.

Well, she is seperated from her husband (a little while now) trying to decide if a divorce is what she wants or not. She also is seeing a guy that she used to date when she was a freshman in high school. She says that right now they are just friends but there is much more to it than that. She is very confused on what she wants to do with her future and is scared to make any type of decision.

I am also having marriage troubles and have been for a while now. The thing is that this woman and I have became best friends over the last 8 months and I have some very strong feelings for her. I have been told by a couple of my friends that it is obvious how strong the feelings are just by the way I look at her and act around her. I have never felt like this for a woman and would love for something to come of it. There is not one thing that we do not have in common, food, movies, music, etc...

The problem is that she also has very strong feelings for this other guy. He was her first love and she goes over to his house all the time and is with him as much as possible. She is aware of my feelings and it has not affected our friendship, but it is very hard to sit back and watch her spend all her time with this other guy. Not only that, but she gives me signs that she is interested in me also.

In ways I feel I am in a soap opera. I have tried to be very patient and just be the best friend I can, but every time that I touch her, talk to her, or even see her I have these emotions that I find very hard to control.

I work with her and we go on all our breaks together and talk constantly and e-mail back and forth to each other.

Please help, I am hopelessly in love with this woman.

[Ed]

For starters, you need to figure out if you want to stay married to your current wife. It would be best if you make this decision regardless of your chances of a future relationship with the current apple of your eye. In other words, if you are going to end your marriage, end it because it is not worth saving, not because you have your eye on someone else. Who knows, if you stop looking at this other girl as the answer to your dreams, you may find that your wife could hold that position in your life.

If you decide to and actually do get a divorce, come back here and I'll give you some more advice about how to stay away from women who are still married or are only seperated.

You know, the grass often looks greener on the other side. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I think you ought to roam around your own pasture some more before heading for someone else's.

[witchbreed]

I agree full hearted with Ed. First you really have to decide about your marriage and dont make that decision hanging on your chances of having a relationship with that other woman. If your marriage is over, its over with or without another you can love.

If you divorce I would strongly advise, that you take your time before commiting again. Might be that you - and/or that other woman - are just scared of being on your own and that is an unstable base for a relationship to start on. Later on there might be doubts in your or her mind, that one was just handy and anybody else would have done. This might or might not be the case, but the doubts will eventually come up.

Then do consider the friendship side. If you split because of her and later on it will not work out, you will have lost a friend, your wife will have lost a friend and your woman-friend will have lost two friends. If on the other hand you split for yourself, and relax first, give yourself time to really heal your hurts about splitting (and the one who wants to separate does hurt too) and then, maybe at a later date enter a relationship with her (or someone else), you will have saved the friendship.

Anyway all the best.