Hey all, for those that dont know my story, I was basically with a girl for 5 years. About a year and a half ago, we broke up for a couple months (she initiated it) got back together, and she ended it with me in August of this year.
We hadnt spoken/emailed/texted in about 2.5 months until Thanksgiving, when she sent me a text and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. We went for a walk, and decided to get lunch the next day. So we ate lunch, did a little shopping, and said our goodbyes. I somewhat instinctively gave her a peck on the lips, she kissed back, but it wasnt like we were making out.
Sunday, I gave her a call to say hi, and said I was free today or tomorrow this week if she wanted to have dinner. She chose today, and shes making me dinner. Im heading over to her place after work. I mentioned bringing a movie, and she said sure - lets do dinner and a movie. She hasnt told me whats shes making yet, its a surprise
So, Im trying not to get any hopes up, and part of me doesnt know what to think, but I figured LS was the best place to get some objective insight.
I don't know if you recall what I posted back when in one of your threads but remember, assertiveness, okay? You matter too. Good luck!
Thanks! I definitely remember what you said before, and I have been working on it. Truth be told, I could make time on several other days this week, but it's just better for me that its today or tomorrow. I just put it out there as if you want to see me this week, its today or tomorrow.
Not to sound silly, but dinner and a movie = date, correct?
Thanks! I definitely remember what you said before, and I have been working on it. Truth be told, I could make time on several other days this week, but it's just better for me that its today or tomorrow. I just put it out there as if you want to see me this week, its today or tomorrow.
Not to sound silly, but dinner and a movie = date, correct?
Second chances/might not be second chances are weird. You have to play it by ear so you don't push her too fast.
Having said that, make the assumption that it is a date, if that's how you want to view it. You could throw out some one-liners about it being a date and watch her reaction. It never hurts to get a heads up, before taking a definitive course of action.
You're definitely right, they can be weird. I don't want to jump to label anything, because truth be told, this is going to have to go at a snail's pace for me just because of the way things are. With that said, I dont make dinner for just anyone, so we'll see what she has in mind.
As far as I'm concerned, its a date, and we'll see what happens. I don't want to mention anything about us first, because she needs to be the one who wants to have that discussion or its pointless. And if nothing comes of it, at least I got a free meal out of it.
BCCA, you usually post spot-on advice regarding these kinds of things. I know it's always muddier when you're the one in the situation, though.
What are your expectations?
I think you should tread carefully and take some cues from her. You know how foolish you'll feel if you overreach and she's not on the same page. She'll send you signals if she wants to.
BCCA, you usually post spot-on advice regarding these kinds of things. I know it's always muddier when you're the one in the situation, though.
What are your expectations?
I think you should tread carefully and take some cues from her. You know how foolish you'll feel if you overreach and she's not on the same page. She'll send you signals if she wants to.
It's hard to give yourself advice, and it's even harder to make sure you arent just telling yourself what you want to hear. Thats why I put myself out there to the mercy of the LS posters - at least I can count on you guys for honesty.
My expectations, as of right now, are to go and have dinner and have a good time. If she kicks me out after we eat, at least I didnt have to find something to eat on my own lol If we end up watching a movie, sleep together, or whatever else - great, but no expectations. I think my advantage here is that Im honestly not interested in jumping back into anything, so Im just going to kind of take things as they come. I'll try not to overreach, but Im going to be assertive. If she turns me away, no huge loss there.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but you have to be smart about it.
Thanks! I definitely remember what you said before, and I have been working on it. Truth be told, I could make time on several other days this week, but it's just better for me that its today or tomorrow. I just put it out there as if you want to see me this week, its today or tomorrow.
Not to sound silly, but dinner and a movie = date, correct?
BCCA, you've been a measure of logic and good advice to many on here over the past few months.
The best thing I can offer is to go back and read your own posts - that will be all the clarity you need on Second Chances.
BCCA, you've been a measure of logic and good advice to many on here over the past few months.
The best thing I can offer is to go back and read your own posts - that will be all the clarity you need on Second Chances.
Funny you mention that, that's actually where I started this morning. Still, I felt like I would throw the situation out there and see what people thought.
I would consider myself optimistically gaurded at this point. I dont want to view things too negatively, becuase you create a self-fulfilling prophecy of bad things happening. I'm also not going to leave myself wide open, either.
I'm sure I'll have more to add tomorrow morning...
It's hard to give yourself advice, and it's even harder to make sure you arent just telling yourself what you want to hear. Thats why I put myself out there to the mercy of the LS posters - at least I can count on you guys for honesty.
My expectations, as of right now, are to go and have dinner and have a good time. If she kicks me out after we eat, at least I didnt have to find something to eat on my own lol If we end up watching a movie, sleep together, or whatever else - great, but no expectations. I think my advantage here is that Im honestly not interested in jumping back into anything, so Im just going to kind of take things as they come. I'll try not to overreach, but Im going to be assertive. If she turns me away, no huge loss there.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but you have to be smart about it.
Thanks!
Good luck. Chill out. relax. be a friend. Don't try anything sexy. Don't talk about the past. Tell her you have been doing great. Don't exagerate your accomlishments. be honest if you have been dating, it will show her you are confident and attractive. Don't play yourself out, ask alot of questions, let her talk,
GOod luck man
!!
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Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest--Bob M.
Funny you mention that, that's actually where I started this morning. Still, I felt like I would throw the situation out there and see what people thought.
I would consider myself optimistically gaurded at this point. I dont want to view things too negatively, becuase you create a self-fulfilling prophecy of bad things happening. I'm also not going to leave myself wide open, either.
I'm sure I'll have more to add tomorrow morning...
Well, from my memory, this girl has broken up with you twice in the past year or so, and treated you rather harshly on the last one. If I am wrong, please accept my apologies. You've used NC as way to get back your confidence and get over her.
Maybe this girl is looking for a friendship, maybe she is looking for more. But, ask yourself, as you've asked many others - do you want to really go down this road again and make yourself vulnerable to her again. Not to be dramatic here, but do you want to offer up your heart on a platter for her again?
Just please think about this. I understand the intrigue of a 2nd, or 3rd chance, but think about it.
hmm bcca i think it was you that said "we just have to stop are ex's from having a third chance"
not that i still dont secretly wish for my third chance.. BUt mainly so i can have my pride back and be like "SEE you ADMIT YOU MADE a MISTAKE!! YES!
ha ha id love that moment to happen..
I hope it feels great for you BCCA! im envious!!
but heed your own words that you seem to write all the time to everyone posting.. i dont think i have to tell you ..
hmm bcca i think it was you that said "we just have to stop are ex's from having a third chance"
not that i still dont secretly wish for my third chance.. BUt mainly so i can have my pride back and be like "SEE you ADMIT YOU MADE a MISTAKE!! YES!
ha ha id love that moment to happen..
I hope it feels great for you BCCA! im envious!!
but heed your own words that you seem to write all the time to everyone posting.. i dont think i have to tell you ..
proceed with great caution my friend!!
Oh trust me, I've thought about everything I've told others, went over a lot of my posts, and did a lot of reflection over the last couple of days. I finally just put this post up because I feel like I deserve to have you all give me some of the tough love I've given out over the last few months.
Like I said, I think tomorrow I'll have a lot more to say, so stay tuned
don't you feel like you might be setting yourself up to get hurt again?
And how did you handle the breakup to begin with? Did you call, or just went NC?
I also broke up with my ex last yr and ended up gettin back together up until a few weeks ago where she dumped me again. Hope everything does work out for you
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