I just read the below post about horrible secret. Do you guys think the idea of a background check is a good idea or not and why? What instances would it be useful. I am getting married in the fall? Should I run one? We are both in our mid 30s. He has never given me any reason to doubt him, but I keep hearing these type of stories.

[Tony T]

We are living in a complicated world nowadays. In the past when people were generally more honest and forthcoming, background checks were difficult to do but at the same time not really necessary.

What background checks do today for someone is: find out if the other person is financially responsible; find out if the other person has ever been arrested and for what; find out how many times they have been married, if at all; find out their work history. That's probably all that will be relevant. A background check will still not tell if he or she is sincere in their dealings with you.

You can use the data you obtain from such a check to match it with what you have been told to get an idea of the person's honesty. If they haven't been very honest, you'll know going in they are deceptive and you might change your mind about marrying them...unless you are pathetically in love.

I wouldn't do a background on anybody check myself. I would rely on my own intuition and my own level of trust in the other person. If I trusted them so little I required a background check, I wouldn't consider marrying them. Maybe I'm not so practical...maybe it's just really hard for me to get used to the corrupt and brutal world we live in today. But I can say in all honesty I have been dead wrong about people in the past...but I don't know if a background check would have disclosed what king of lying, deceiving, scumbag users and losers they were.

I also don't think a partner would appreciate having this done on them. If you must, have it done by a professional who will be sure to use the highest level of discretion.

[Ed]

There are lots of dirty things you can find out about people that are not necessarily an indication of their future behavior.

Personally, I would not consider doing a background check on someone I have been around for a reasonable length of time to assess what kind of person they are. Maybe I am a bit naive.

I have always found it to be enough to do the normal things. Meet their friends, family and co-workers. Talk to them and get to know them. These are all good sources of relevant information about your guy.

If, after that, you are still not comfortable, go down to the clerk of court and ask them how to see if his name is listed in their records. Those records are available to everyone. Then go to the city, county and state police offices and ask them to look him up if they will at all.

Anyone can hide anything, even from private investigators! You'll never know about any truly bad stuff or things he has not been caught for unless he chooses to tell you.