Is this a destructive behavior? For those of us who masturbate to their ex's and then cry afterwards, is this something that we should stop doing? If it is, why should we stop?
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I don't do it very often anymore simply because I try not to think about her too much. Generally my thoughts about her are sad. But in the first month or so post break up she was pretty much the only thing I thought about while doing 'that'.
In the occasion I do now, I don't think it's destructive behavior. She's not there and I'm not communicating with her - I'm not building an emotional attachment or getting any hope from doing it. And oh boy, it works on so many levels for S&M fantasies now.
Is this a destructive behavior? For those of us who masturbate to their ex's and then cry afterwards, is this something that we should stop doing? If it is, why should we stop?
Your big clue here, is "And Cry Afterwards"...... Hellloooo?
Yes I personally think it's destructive because, even mentally, it prolongs the agony and ensures a continued attachment.
And if it makes you cry afterwards, i would say that's pretty soul-destroying.
Why would you do this to yourself?
it's not your ex cutting you up rough.
It's you.
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"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts, we make the world."
Do you masterbate with the tears?! Seriously dude.
Alot of guys have masterbated to "special" pictures that they may have have taken of thier ex. It's normal, because you are still attracted to her,and you know that yuo have sexually experienced that particular person. You can create a better fantasy because you have been their.
But you shouldn't cry after rubbing one.
Thats rough. Take a step back and see what your doing. This person may be worth a wank.........but.......
thats it. Get yourself together man.
Oh man!!!! You just put yourself out there with this one!!! I think masturbation is normal, I think masturbation to an ex is normal and definitely I am guilty of that, but crying after it.... UH NO!! Not normal and quite odd.
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I once believed in you, I believed in us. You rushed to be with me and you rushed to leave me. Leaving me only with memories in between your rushes!
Is this a destructive behavior? For those of us who masturbate to their ex's and then cry afterward, is this something that we should stop doing? If it is, why should we stop?
I am going to address this in two parts. First, you should actively try to think about something else and if you can't then don't masturbate. It is understandable that you would use familiar material but just refrain for your own good if you can't control it. It is destructive because you are enabling an attachment to someone you are not with.
My second point is about the attachment. Sex and touching release chemicals in your brain that have physiological effects. Your body goes trough a withdrawal from these chemicals when you are separated from your object of affection. You get a dose of those chemicals (oxytocin in particular) when you masturbate. It is not abnormal to cry - it is a physical reaction. I started a thread about this awhile back but I think it was lost with a server issue on LS.
I was not thinking about my ex at all when I masturbated but for sometime after the break up I would cry after orgasm. Not sobbing, just tears but it was crying and I needed to understand why that was happening. I wasn't fantasizing about him, in fact he wasn't often in my thoughts at all but I was still heartbroken at that time. Each time I tried to masturbate I would feel empty and strange. It was so frustrating that I stopped entirely. I lost all interest in sex for a short time. Eventually it passed and I cannot tell you how happy I was to not cry after orgasm! (I almost high fived the person I had sex with but I didn't want to scare him) I hope this helps. It's normal but don't enable yourself by attaching those chemicals to images of your ex. Work on thinking about something - anything else. It will pass if you try to change it.
We quoted the same movie... okay, what's going on here SoundTribe? Is is that crying masturbators like Donnie Darko?
__________________ Dr. Thurman: And how did you feel, being denied these hungry, hungry hippos? Donnie: Regret.
Last edited by LikeCharlotte; 11th October 2008 at 5:26 AM..
Reason: spell check baby!
Even though you are jerking it to your ex by yourself, in some ways it is almost like having sex with an ex. You feel good during it but later on you will feel sad. I don't think it is necessarily destructive, but it delays your healing. You should add jerking it to the list of things not to do, like NC.
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I am sick of trying, I am sick of crying, I know I am smiling, but inside I am dying
Hmm...doing it and thinking about your ex is normal, crying isn't (There, I repeated what everyone else is saying.) If I were you though, I'd force myself to think of other women instead. It'll suck in the beginning. If it doesn't work, take a break from messing around with yourself lol.
It's not self-destructive, but it isn't helping you get over her. But don't be ashamed, a lot of other people have done it.
We don't know if the OP is male or female, atleast I don't from this post. S/he is thinking about the sex with their ex, often I would fantasize about it and get sad after because in reality it will never happen with him again. It's just something else people will miss with their ex, and I used/do wonder if it will feel that good with anyone else..so it's sad.
From me, it did/does help to start thinking about other people, imagining it being good with someone else, seeing myself with someone else. So, OP, I still suggest you do that, think about someone else...coworker, boss, the person down the street, anyone but your ex.
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