Being ostracised by my two daughters.
After 4 years of NC it still hurts, and always will.
__________________
"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts, we make the world."
Emotional labour, particularly when children are involved. Financial instability which may take a while to remedy. People say you can move on, but when there are children involved, you can't totally move on without them. This can impact on new relationships.
For me the process itself and the first couple of months was emotionally painful. But since then I find my life a lot better as I no longer am trying to please someone who could not be pleased and I have gotten past the idealized view of having the same partner for life. My situation would be worse if I did not have custody of my daughter. I am sure an empty house would make the situation a bit more painful. I also have to deal with her emotional issues which at 15 can swing quite dramatically. She has a very contentious relationship with her mother which I have to try and broker the best I can.
With all of that it was still the right thing to do and I only regret we probably spent too much time making it work when it was not salvageable.
As testimony to the contrary. When I was a small child (age 4) my father abused my mother alot. She divorced him due to many reasons (including the abuse), and even though I "hated" my step father for quite a few years (probably a total of 10 years...waning throughout the years however) it was only a childish hate really.
Early on it was rough. I couldn't get used to him at all and I wanted "dad". However by the time I reached 9 I had gotten used to him but still didn't completely like him. By 14 there was no more animosity (other then the usual parental animosity stuff) of him being my step-father. By 18 I had come to respect him a great deal.
Now at the age of 24 I actually think I love him a bit more then my mother..It's silly but looking back I know that if I had grown up with my biological father...I would be in a far worse state/situation today then I am now.
And to those who mention that breakups are hard on children...you are quite right. But bad relationships in the parents eventually filter onto the kids no matter what and that isn't right either.
In the end I think people need to do what is best for them...for their emotions and mental health. Happy Parents are Good Parents.
Last edited by BlueHarvest; 8th October 2008 at 7:02 PM..
Liberation. A huge relief. A burden of my shoulders. Life was wonderful again.
I don't know your story so this is just a general question.
Sometimes isn't divorce an easy way out?
A good marriage takes work, compromise, sacrifice, and it seems like some people just give up because it is easier to just have to worry about themselves.
A friend of mine was married & after her divorce she has realized she wasn't meant to be married, she doesn't want the responsibility to have to share with someone else, she likes to do just what she wants to do.
__________________ If you can't be happy with yourself, you won't be able to show and share that happiness to others.
A friend of mine was married & after her divorce she has realized she wasn't meant to be married, she doesn't want the responsibility to have to share with someone else, she likes to do just what she wants to do.
Good for your friend. This shows that she has self-awareness and a good understanding of what she does or doesn't want out of life. Not wanting the responsibilties and hard work of a marriage is an individual freedom, a right that we all have. No one should be forced to be or stay in an unhappy situation.
Some people are just not cut out for the married life just as some others are not happy being single. What is important is to know yourself and to yourself be true. Perhaps if people reflected more deeply on their suitability for marriage, then, we wouldn't have so many divorces.
the hardest thing for me was the helplessness I felt about my ex (he got very sick physically and depressed) but most of all it was to see how sad my son was.. this broke my heart.. and to this day I still feel sadness about this.
__________________ "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
I felt like a failure, like I "failed" in making my marriage work. In reality, and with a bit of clarity, I realize I did everything humanly possible to make things work with my XH. And now, like someone else posted, I wonder why I didn't do it sooner!
Happily Divorced and stilling waiting for the "One"...
I think divorce is a lot like someone whom you have loved for almost half your life has suddenly died, except they keep crawling out of their grave, trying their best to drag you down into the earth with them.
NC is the best way to go (or LC if you have kids, and, or a business, and ONLY talk about that). I say good-bye and hang up on my STBXH if he starts verbally abusing me, and goes off on any other subject other than our son, and business.
He's the one who left after I found out about his affair. (yeah I did kick his cheating, abusive self out with the help of the police), but you must be strong. I tried being nice, but I was just letting him have his cake, and eat it too. That tactic only gave him more power over me.
I have changed the locks on MY home (he lives with the OW, nowhere else to go). Now I feel stronger, and I get stronger everyday. I am disabled, and am totally dependant on my STBXH for money aside from my $700.00 disability check each month, and that will not even cover my mortgage.
I have friends and family who will care for me, even though through the years he tried to alienate me from them all.
You will heal. You will get stronger. You will be okay.
Before if you want to take divorce from your life partner, think about the "Marriage".
If you take divorce then there is no meaning for Marriage. If we have any troubles in our life, we have to compromise and understand to each other.Instead of that we won't go for divorce. Really "Marriage" is a holy thing in the life.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet" - Mae West
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