Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship has always been just fine, but lately he's been spending a lot of time on the computer, and I started to wonder why. After he left for his late shift last night I checked the history and found he'd been on personal ad sites. I want to confront him, but I'm not really sure how to approach him. Should I get more proof first? Is there a way I can do this? I could just boot him out right now I'm so mad!
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship has always been just fine, but lately he's been spending a lot of time on the computer, and I started to wonder why. After he left for his late shift last night I checked the history and found he'd been on personal ad sites. I want to confront him, but I'm not really sure how to approach him. Should I get more proof first? Is there a way I can do this? I could just boot him out right now I'm so mad!
What do you think?
You said he had been on the computer more. So is that the only thing that tipped you off that made you feel something was up? Since he seems to be on it more, how often is he on it when you're around?
Make sure that you explain to him how you found out about the ad sites he had has been on, and that you checked the history, if you decide to tell him you know what he has been doing.
I'm not saying what he is doing is right, because its not, but now he may just hide it more or erase the history now that you know.
__________________ "Self-respect, is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has a price."
If you tell him, he will more than likely hand you a line about how he was just curious. Even though that's possible it could be the case, curiosty is one thing, but continuing to go to them over and over is another. I'm not sure how far the history goes back you're looking at though.
Either come clean and tell him you know or don't and keep a watch on it. To me having to watch someone and find out where they have been, probably means the relationship isn't meant to be. If you don't feel you can trust him, move on.
__________________ "Never make someone else a priority, that only makes you an option."
If you really want proof, put on a keylogger that can't be detected by virus intrusion software. This way, you can harvest his user ids and passwords. Sign in and check out his correspondence too, so you can see how deep into this he is.
Make certain you get this type of evidence before confronting him so he can't lie his way out of it. Don't tell him how you did it.
If this type of monitoring software doesn't bring up any information, you know that he's innocent and hopefully, this will help put your mind to rest.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship has always been just fine, but lately he's been spending a lot of time on the computer, and I started to wonder why. After he left for his late shift last night I checked the history and found he'd been on personal ad sites. I want to confront him, but I'm not really sure how to approach him. Should I get more proof first? Is there a way I can do this? I could just boot him out right now I'm so mad!
What do you think?
You could always get a keylogger. However, first I think you should mention that you happen to notice the type of sites he was visiting and ask him why he has intrest in them? Just my thoughts.
AP
__________________ "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
If you really want proof, put on a keylogger that can't be detected by virus intrusion software. This way, you can harvest his user ids and passwords. Sign in and check out his correspondence too, so you can see how deep into this he is.
Make certain you get this type of evidence before confronting him so he can't lie his way out of it. Don't tell him how you did it.
If this type of monitoring software doesn't bring up any information, you know that he's innocent and hopefully, this will help put your mind to rest.
There are certain types that can't be detected by your standard virusscan software like Norton or McAfee. It depends on what you're using on your computer.
If you do get a keylogger and you find out some things for sure, then what will you do?
We would have to be through as the trust would be completely shattered. I have to be able to trust the one person in the world that I SHOULD be able to trust.
Im just going to stand out on a limb here and say that visiting dating sites and even talking to other people online should not be merit enough to end a relationship. Often times people will venture for some type of connection with another person when they feel as though the connection with their so is diminishing.
I think it would be foolish for you to put a keylogger on his computer and then spy on him. If you are willing to do that, you should go ahead and end it. Even if there is no evidence, your already breaking the trust between you two.
Also, rather than castrate him for this, maybe you can try to embrace him, and work towards bettering the relationship. Im not condoning this stuff, but I think that people who say "oh thats not right you should leave" are just as bad as the guy doing this stuff.
What I mean is, all relationships have problems, all have issues and if you would rather go through all this than to try and work out the real problems then your not trying for the relationship any more than he is.
If you think this is a big enough problem to end the relationship over, what are you going to do in another 10 years when you guys are married, have a couple kids, and another issue comes up?
If you really love him, you should fight for the relationship, not just throw it away because your bf is being a self consided fool.
Im just going to stand out on a limb here and say that visiting dating sites and even talking to other people online should not be merit enough to end a relationship. Often times people will venture for some type of connection with another person when they feel as though the connection with their so is diminishing.
I think it would be foolish for you to put a keylogger on his computer and then spy on him. If you are willing to do that, you should go ahead and end it. Even if there is no evidence, your already breaking the trust between you two.
Also, rather than castrate him for this, maybe you can try to embrace him, and work towards bettering the relationship. Im not condoning this stuff, but I think that people who say "oh thats not right you should leave" are just as bad as the guy doing this stuff.
What I mean is, all relationships have problems, all have issues and if you would rather go through all this than to try and work out the real problems then your not trying for the relationship any more than he is.
If you think this is a big enough problem to end the relationship over, what are you going to do in another 10 years when you guys are married, have a couple kids, and another issue comes up?
If you really love him, you should fight for the relationship, not just throw it away because your bf is being a self consided fool.
Thanks for the input, but I would NEVER sneak about behind my BF's back. If he's willing to risk what we have (if that is what he's doing), then it's over.
Right, but how exactly is talking to another female risking your relationship? Even under the context of it being a "dating" site? If you pull up the messages and they are sexual, that is one thing. If he is getting to know someone and talk to someone, that is something different. What if you read the messages, none are sexual, but they are very deep and they talk a lot about their feelings, what they want out of life, etc etc... Would you consider that a deal breaker? Would you consider that cheating?
Even still, its only text... You need to realize that not everything is so black and white. There could be many reasons why he is turning to the site. I would suggest trying to work it out first before jumping the line.
Right, but how exactly is talking to another female risking your relationship? Even under the context of it being a "dating" site? If you pull up the messages and they are sexual, that is one thing. If he is getting to know someone and talk to someone, that is something different. What if you read the messages, none are sexual, but they are very deep and they talk a lot about their feelings, what they want out of life, etc etc... Would you consider that a deal breaker? Would you consider that cheating?
Even still, its only text... You need to realize that not everything is so black and white. There could be many reasons why he is turning to the site. I would suggest trying to work it out first before jumping the line.
Thanks
Check around this site and others and see how many online "innocent" male/female conversations work their way slowly and insidiously to a full on affair. If I were meeting up with some male and having "innocent" lunches with deep, meaningful conversation, I would feel guilty as hell.
But, I digress. I haven't found out quite yet. But to surf the sites at all makes me think he's at least looking, and that's just wrong. End of story. My story, anyway.
I'm uncertain why donnamaybe has to take on the responsibility of fixing a potential cheater. If things are a little rough and he's out cruising already, how bad will it in a marriage, when real hard core issues like money woes, kids and a mortgage happen.
If he's a potential cheater, he'd better fix himself.
I'm uncertain why donnamaybe has to take on the responsibility of fixing a potential cheater. If things are a little rough and he's out cruising already, how bad will it in a marriage, when real hard core issues like money woes, kids and a mortgage happen.
If he's a potential cheater, he'd better fix himself.
Thanks for that. Everyone has their own sense of what they will put up with from their S/O. I won't put up with even the beginning stages of a cheating situation, so if that is what's going on, oh well. Ciest la vie, and don't let the screen door hit yer arse on the way out!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
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