In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Earlier tonight, I encountered a woman I thought was cute while leaving a building via elevator.
Unfortunately, I froze up, unable to come up with any method of picking her up.
Upon leaving the scene, I realized that a basic direct approach may have been a way to go, but it did not even occur to me during the moment, and nor was I able to figure a way after the fact about how to make such an approach attractive. Worse yet, I had wasted time checking her out and looking for "things to go on" and "signals" (as always, there were none) rather than immediately deciding on a hopefully attractive approach.
What would I do to terminate this sort of thing? Despite having fought this off, years of Pavlovian conditioning via failure seem to have caused me to once again to become more cowardly socially, which is something I despise enough in nearly everyone else I see.
Last edited by Lights; 29th August 2008 at 1:15 AM..
So what makes you think someone on the internet will help you?
Same reason people online-date. It's a numbers game, and using the internet increases the number of people that one can have some degree of contact with. If, say, one out of 1000 people know how to deal with this, and I don't encounter one of the 1000 in my daily life, this increases the number of people who I might encounter who may know.
Saying "hi" to them is a basic direct approach but even more basic is just giving them a smile. Who knows what that could lead to...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lights
Earlier tonight, I encountered a woman I thought was cute while leaving a building via elevator.
Unfortunately, I froze up, unable to come up with any method of picking her up.
Upon leaving the scene, I realized that a basic direct approach may have been a way to go, but it did not even occur to me during the moment, and nor was I able to figure a way after the fact about how to make such an approach attractive. Worse yet, I had wasted time checking her out and looking for "things to go on" and "signals" (as always, there were none) rather than immediately deciding on a hopefully attractive approach.
What would I do to terminate this sort of thing? Despite having fought this off, years of Pavlovian conditioning via failure seem to have caused me to once again to become more cowardly socially, which is something I despise enough in nearly everyone else I see.
It's all good, my friend. Ignore the rude insulting comments to your post, because that person is either a) someone who also can't make the approach or b) a player who doesn't want to give away his secrets. I doubt it's "b".
What you experienced in the elevator was the dreaded daytime "cold" approach. This one is the most difficult of all, requires the most soul-sucking courage of them all, and has the lowest success rate of them all! Why? Because the woman is not expecting to be hit on in the elevator, and if you had just blurted out "Hi! You're beautiful! Want to get coffee sometime?" you would have gone down in flames. She would have stayed polite, but there's no way you would have got a date!
Notice how at more traditional spots for singles to meet, like bars and coffee shops, it's easier to approach women because they've already kind of let you know that they're interested? This even happens in grocery stores from time to time. However, the elevator would have been hard!
But fear not! Because next time, as you or her gets on the elevator, look directly at her eyes until she makes eye contact with you. Then, don't look away. Instead, smile and say "Hi". Leave it at that. If she's open to the idea of meeting someone on the elevator, then she'll give you a second look (keep your peripherals free of obstacles). Then you can comment on something the two of you share...such as the elevator. Make it a joke that she has to laugh to, then ask for her name.
Remember you only have about 30 seconds to do all this in! After you have her name, give her yours. Don't waste time playing games! Then you could ask if she works/lives in this building, etc. Regardless of her answer, tell you that you'd like to take her out for a coffee sometime. What's her number?
The conversation and the number and everything is easy provided you make the initial approach AND she responds in a way that shows she's up for it.
I've tried to meet women in elevators on two occasions and unfortunately failed miserably. It's much easier at a bar, coffee shop, grocery store, or even a jogging path.
Good luck in the future!
__________________ Instead of a trap door, I want a trap window that a guy can lean out of, and if he leans too far he falls out. Wait. That's a regular window.
Just one question about your mention of a daytime cold approach; that last instance was actually in the late evening, but I'm curious, from the way you described it, is there any specific difference for approaches during different times of the day/night?
First off sounds like your reading PUA material so watch out that you don't mess your head up thinking about that stuff to much... That being said Aproach anxiety is something you definetly need to get over, women can't argue that a confident man who aproaches them is going to have the best chance. Next time something like this happens at a minimum smile and say "hi".... at a maxim try to have a conversation about nothing at all "flirting" make her laugh or whatever I'm sure u have a situational sense of humor and then say "let me get your number I enjoyed talking to you" and then do the thing where you hand them your cell and have them put it in. I actualy had approach anxiety myself tonight the most beutiful girl perfect really walked by me and all I could do was stare smile... and squek out a "hello" and the sad part is approaching her as far as logistics couldnt have been better she was litteraly by herself doing nothing... if I go to hell one day I'll be forced to watch myself doing nothing. SO I Say the next time we see some cute girl we strike up a conversation and then of course try to get the number ... and then when we have number we send out the mass txt and see who bites muahahah
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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