how to deal with significant other

BCE · 2nd August 2008, 4:50 PM

Hi,

i am engaged with a man who is married still.....well he has been separated for 3 years and filed for divorce just last month. i know these things take time before it is finalized. anyhow, he has custody of his son and she does not have custody at all due to having warrants out for her arrest and such. What irritates me is that she calls everyday;a couple of times each day. when she calls she talks with my fiance and not the son at times. i don't understand it and it makes me feel angry. she had intentions of trying to get back with him but my fiance tells me he is not interested. i don't know whether to believe it or not, and sometimes think deep inside he would want his family back. he spends the day with her and the son to supervise because she is not allowed to have him. how do i handle this? i don't want to feel like they are going to get back together and i need to trust him. i feel bad. i love him but also feel i may lose him due to my insecurities.

porter218 · 2nd August 2008, 5:03 PM

Unfortunately when committing to a relationship with a man who has children by other women, this is what you have to accept. They have to maintain contact, and sometimes their conversations will be between each other and not just simply with the kid. You cant expect her to parent the child without talking to the dad. They will have to co-parent. You are just going to have to trust him. Perhaps the best way to keep an eye on the situation would be to "make nice" with her. My husband has 2 children outside of our marriage by two other women. I had to stop and evaluate his relationship with these women before I agreed to marry him. He will always care about them because they are bound by blood. But for a serial cheater who I don't hardly trust, I trust him with these women. If you find yourself unable to trust your fiance with his ex wife then you need to bail out before the vows. He can't undo his bond to her.

porter218 · 2nd August 2008, 5:11 PM

By the way...you don't lose custody of your children due to warrants for arrest. When she had to appear in front of the judge in custody court, she would have been locked up immediately for arrest warrants instead of loosing custody. Why doesn't she just turn herself in??

Did she get arrested for domestic violence in front of her child or something?

BCE · 2nd August 2008, 5:30 PM

its temporary. he went to the court house to get a parte form filled out after finding out that she has warrants for not attending court for drug parafinilia and couple of other things. i guess shes running from the cops so my fiance filled out an emergency or parte form to get custody of him. she did get arrested in front of him one time a while back ago. thanks for the info. i guess i do need to trust him or get out of the rx.

porter218 · 2nd August 2008, 5:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BCE

its temporary. he went to the court house to get a parte form filled out after finding out that she has warrants for not attending court for drug parafinilia and couple of other things. i guess shes running from the cops so my fiance filled out an emergency or parte form to get custody of him. she did get arrested in front of him one time a while back ago. thanks for the info. i guess i do need to trust him or get out of the rx.

I think that if he was willing to go through all of that then he doesn't want her anymore. I understand it may be scary but his actions are saying it is over.