[holliesmith]

The guy I (stupidly, stupidly) lost my virginity to (at 22) was a liar who was cheating on another woman in another town he was with (ie his girlfriend or partner or whatever). Our first 'date' was when we met in a club and had sex that night (stupid, stupid). He was there by himself obviously looking for action and I was looking for a boyfriend and made a regretabble decision. Second time, he called (he actually had to track me down at my house by going over there as the number I gave him had changed) and we dated once. The third time I saw him I found her eyeliner in his car and he had the audacity to say it was his mum's! Finally got it out of him that he was with someone else and I obviously called it off there and then. He was so callous and nasty, he knew I wanted more from him (before I found out about her) and laughed as he walked off back to his car calling out to me as if he had changed his mind then smirking and saying 'see you round'.

I always knew he was rich, but I since have found out he has millions of dollars - really fortunate business decision on his part. Plus he and his girl got married afterwards too. From these details it seems life for him is great! He knew he meant more to me than him and laughed at my upset about him being with someone already. Plus he was cheating on her. He was only 27 at the time. Maybe he was 'sowing his seeds' prior to getting married - or committing to her?

My question is - life seems good for them now - at least it seems that way - I don't really know him now but it seems things are well for him from the money and marriage situation.

Friends tell me 'karma will get him' and 'he will get his' but I am not sure.

I am happy with my life but whenever I hear about him the hurt is kind of still there - or more bitterness about his seemingly getting away with this.

I know he would not even think of me ever again afterwards and possibly the only reason he wanted to have sex with me a second time (or third) was his surprise that I was a virgin before him.

Anyway - do you reckon he could now be faithful to her - after deliberately calling me for more sex twice after the first time (ie he planned those times)- he even had to call around at my house to get my number as the one I gave him had change to contact me the second time. Do you think they could have a good marriage?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Do you think they could have a good marriage?

Would the answer to this question make much of a difference for you either way?

[OWoman]

Originally Posted by LucreziaBorgia

Would the answer to this question make much of a difference for you either way?

LB that was my response too, on reading this.

Hollie, I can understand that for some people losing their virginity is a big deal and they form some kind of special attachment to the person who helped them misplace it, but in this case the guy has been shown to be a playa and such attachment misplaced as it won't be reciprocated.

Three dates - over a period of time - isn't exactly a romance to lose sleep over. So you got played, you've learned the truth... Now find someone whose values are more aligned with your own and move on. Wasting time and energy on this guy merely keeps you stuck in victim mode. Take back your life and do something fun with it.

[holliesmith]

I really wanted to know how someone who deliberatly went OUT OF HIS WAY to cheat on a g/f could then be happily married to her?

It won't make a lot of difference to me either way - I know I was rejected (altough I did end it myself) - I know he would never have wanted any more than sex - I know he would never even think of me again - but I just wondered how guys like this end up in their marriages when they cheat on their g/fs (he was 27 at the time) then marry them a few yrs later on.

thanks though

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by holliesmith

I really wanted to know how someone who deliberatly went OUT OF HIS WAY to cheat on a g/f could then be happily married to her?

It won't make a lot of difference to me either way - I know I was rejected (altough I did end it myself) - I know he would never have wanted any more than sex - I know he would never even think of me again - but I just wondered how guys like this end up in their marriages when they cheat on their g/fs (he was 27 at the time) then marry them a few yrs later on.

Chances are that the entire idea of marriage, be it religious or romantic, means about as much to him as today's crop of Hollywood marriages mean to them. It's social posturing or limelight, nothing more. It decidedly does not lead to happiness; merely a chance to be noticed and get some until something better comes along.

[White Flower]

Originally Posted by holliesmith

I really wanted to know how someone who deliberatly went OUT OF HIS WAY to cheat on a g/f could then be happily married to her?

It won't make a lot of difference to me either way - I know I was rejected (altough I did end it myself) - I know he would never have wanted any more than sex - I know he would never even think of me again - but I just wondered how guys like this end up in their marriages when they cheat on their g/fs (he was 27 at the time) then marry them a few yrs later on.

thanks though

Some guys are just serial cheaters. He'll probably do this for the rest of his life. He cannot help it; it is just who he is. He was probably disappointed in himself at first but he's also having a lot of fun. He won't ever change. And he probably found someone he feels will always put up with it; therefore, encourages its longevity.

The marriage will always be good for him. It will suck for her.

As OWoman suggests, carry on and find someone who is deserving of your love.

[holliesmith]

thanks for the replies - I guess I still wonder why on earth he would do something like that ( cheat on g/f with me) as I saw them afterwards and they looked happy. Also he had nice friends who he respected and vice versa. I wonder if I was the only one or if he still does it.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Originally Posted by holliesmith

thanks for the replies - I guess I still wonder why on earth he would do something like that ( cheat on g/f with me) as I saw them afterwards and they looked happy. Also he had nice friends who he respected and vice versa. I wonder if I was the only one or if he still does it.

It's an easy ego boost. That's why he does it.

Some guys take pride in thier marriage, and gain a lot of ego and self esteem from it. It's one person who loves you more than anything. That can be very nice.

Other guys... probably like this one, find it easier and safer to get that same thing from several women. It's safer because you don't have to emotionally invest as much. I tend to be like this, and its hard to change, because you don't want to trust.

[White Flower]

Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire

It's an easy ego boost. That's why he does it.

Some guys take pride in thier marriage, and gain a lot of ego and self esteem from it. It's one person who loves you more than anything. That can be very nice.

Other guys... probably like this one, find it easier and safer to get that same thing from several women. It's safer because you don't have to emotionally invest as much. I tend to be like this, and its hard to change, because you don't want to trust.

I find this interesting, UF. I believe I have seen you flame OWs around here, haven't I? I'm a little confused. Can you enlighten me? Are you a serial cheater? I hope not to offend. Just found the above statement very interesting and refreshingly honest. No judgments.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Originally Posted by White Flower

I find this interesting, UF. I believe I have seen you flame OWs around here, haven't I? I'm a little confused. Can you enlighten me? Are you a serial cheater? I hope not to offend. Just found the above statement very interesting and refreshingly honest. No judgments.

I've been down that road before. It didn't lead to anything good.

I don't think I flame anyone. I just hold up a mirror, and I know what that reflection looks like, because I see it every day.

Why do you care?