I am in the process of packing and moving. While packing my things I realized that almost nothing I own reminds me of anyone I've ever been with. I have dated and had serious relationships but nothing about me or my things reflects that. I don't have the wine glasses we picked out or the photo album from our trip to "somewhere". I am referring to my ex's in a collective as if they are Borg. Heh.
I have stories that include them but I am seeing that I really have been alone for all these years. My things are about me and as much as I like that it reminds me that I've never truly shared my life with anyone and I've always wanted to. It reminds me that although I have developed a unique personality I have had very little loving support or input in my life. I have no siblings and very little family. I'm packing my things and moving by myself, again. Thinking back I can only think of one ex who actively participated in the little life things like washing dishes or feeding the cat with me and seemed to enjoy it. I don't want anything elaborate, romantic, expensive or difficult. I want something simple so why is it so hard to find? It has been a lonely day. I'm crying and I need a hug.
__________________
I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so ****ty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too.
Amendment. I have one small box of mementos that includes 1 bracelet from an event, a feather, a homemade valentine (very bad), a poem, a perfume bottle with a pewter lizard on it, a bottle cap that has a saying on the inside, 3 guitar picks, a small "hear no evil" monkey, a railroad track penny, 20 sided dice and a pig sticker. This is the cumulative result of love in my life in over 33 years. It's not much. I'm feeling very sad. Tell me something that gives me hope, please.
Last edited by LikeCharlotte; 27th June 2008 at 12:49 AM..
You wrote in the "I am going to burn it all" thread..
Quote:
First, pick one thing and put it away then have a burn fest. I didn't keep a single solitary scrap. Nothing, nada, ziltch all deleted, destroyed or tossed in the trash from meaningful paintings right down to the raggy t-shirt and toohbrush he left behind. All gone. If I find anything I missed I'll get rid of that too. I didn't go so far as to burn things I simply put them in the garbage. I didn't feel the need to get crazy about it. The only things that I didn't destroy were a couple books that were gifts. I like books and they are good for trading. I wont even remember which ones they were... wait I don't remember right now. HA! Nice.
Are you maybe doing this after the end of each relationship?
Poor you. I'm not going to offer you any of that lame cyberhug ((crap)), but...
^^
That's me crying with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LikeCharlotte
Tell me something that gives me hope, please.
You know more about what you want from a relationship than ever before. I predict that, before you know it, you will be squirting all over the place in a way that reflects an exciting new level of maturity.
You wrote in the "I am going to burn it all" thread..
Are you maybe doing this after the end of each relationship?
I keep one personal thing in the box if I think the relationship was significant. No, I don't generally purge in that way. Just the last ex because I didn't want those things around and the relationship never got past the gate. He got a pig sticker in the box if I remember what it meant in a year I'll keep it.
Poor you. I'm not going to offer you any of that lame cyberhug ((crap)), but...
^^
That's me crying with you.
You know more about what you want from a relationship than ever before. I predict that, before you know it, you will be squirting all over the place in a way that reflects an exciting new level of maturity.
You must still like me Nemo because you always hit me with the wit. As for the squirting... sorry to inform you that is not my style. My sexual maturity isn't in question however if you think there is room for improvement please elaborate. I need a chuckle.
So, one thing? But that's shedding a new light on the box...if you have one item in there for every meaningful relationship, then you had many of them. Maybe you're changing your focus on life..
Where you wanted adventure and excitement in the past, you're now looking for something more cozy and intimate. That doesn't make your past relationships less meaningful, or says something bad about you. It's just another criteria for future partners, that come up now.
The worst part is that I don't know where the tissues are in this mess. I hide them from myself when I want to stop crying and now I have no idea where I've put them!
The worst part is that I don't know where the tissues are in this mess. I hide them from myself when I want to stop crying and now I have no idea where I've put them!
Use toilet paper. I know it's not the same.
I'm goin' ta bed. Hope you feel better. You're gonna be fine.
So, one thing? But that's shedding a new light on the box...if you have one item in there for every meaningful relationship, then you had many of them. Maybe you're changing your focus on life..
Where you wanted adventure and excitement in the past, you're now looking for something more cozy and intimate. That doesn't make your past relationships less meaningful, or says something bad about you. It's just another criteria for future partners, that come up now.
Thank you, you are right I do want more than I have in the past. To clarify most of the meaningful relationships were/are friendships - people who did something very special for me and changed my life in some way. There are 3 romantic love mementos in the box and 2 are from one person, my first love. One thing he asked me to keep for him the other is what I thought was the most memorable "moment".
Last edited by LikeCharlotte; 27th June 2008 at 1:28 AM..
Don't beat yourself up for the past you had, it was filled with love, your first love, your friends etc. Now, you simply want something different. And you will get it.
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