Hi. I just started NC and just came up with idea to have NC buddies to go thru this tough test. we talk about what it felt like and encourage each other not to call our exs.
let's help each other I'll be waiting for my NC buddies
4 days and counting. You don't want to know the details
I'm doing the extreme version. No contact, no re-reading of my own or her e-mails, no looking at pictures, nothing. I've got over 20 years of connection to get rid of.
nice to meet you carhill. What you are going thru sounds much tougher than mine.
we still love each other and it's amazing that our attraction survived in spite of all the ugly fights and dramas.
I'll never call him, but I'll respond if he contacts me and start LC. but I wouldn't be too pushy nor say something to hurt him on purpose (it was like defense mechanism. i wanted to hurt him before he ever would).
IMO, better to stay strict NC, at least for a fixed period. It allows emotions to center and for some measure of detachment.
The best thing MC has done for me is helped me realize that I can love someone yet be incompatible with them. It (and LS) also taught me the toxicity of triangulation. Yes, my dynamic is different than yours, apparently, so the solution must necessarily be different.
I understand your attraction dynamic, likely more than is easily shared here. My journals will provide you some understanding of my perspective.
I'm on my 5th day of NC. It hurts but i know i have to be strong for my dignity. I'm not sure if any of you guys read my story but what led to our breakup was really her fault. She's trying to play like a dude and act hard and not contact me either.
I'm not going to give in because that'll show my weakness and then she'll think she's okay to act up anytime she wants. I still wonder if she's having just a hard of time with this as I am.
Work on the "wonder" part. Focus your thoughts. Your intellect can direct your emotions. The trick is letting all the emotions out and validating them. Then work on them cognitively.
Congrats on 5 days. There will be days when you want to curl up in a ball. They're still coming. I went through this many years ago so have experience.
Today is day 6 for me. Our last conversation ended with me promising not to call him and that he can call me when he is ready to talk to me. So I wait... It sucks. But a promise is a promise
"I'm your huckleberry!" Count me in and I am weak, I am back on day 2. I keep breaking it. But I like your idea..
__________________
I once believed in you, I believed in us. You rushed to be with me and you rushed to leave me. Leaving me only with memories in between your rushes!
I'm not really sure what I should do. the reason he left me was that he couldn't trust my feelings for me and my bad temper.
before emailing him that I would initiate NC for both of us, we had another fight which made me decide to end the contact completely. at that time, I feel like he was not the one.
but after a few days, "what if he was" is bugging me. I hurt him alot and I don't want to hurt him anymore. if this NC would give him time to heal without hurting him, I'll just ignore his calls or text. or I'm thinking about limiting the contact to emails.
Firstly, I had to end the triangulation with my long-time female friend because it was distracting me from working on my marriage. Also, I sensed that I was filling a void in her relationship, meeting needs that she should be getting met by her boyfriend. The whole mess, even though we've always been platonic friends (due to circumstance, not desire) was unhealthy for everyone IMO. So, the only way to bring some health to it was to end contact. Someone had to do it and that someone was me. Does that mean we might have contact in the future? Sure. My feelings for her haven't changed in a quarter century so I don't expect them to change in <name a number>.
Your situation and reasons are your own. Only you know what's right for you. Remember, do not do this as a tool to get him back. This is a tool to help you heal and center yourself. In my case, I have to decide if my marriage is viable or not. The only way to do that is to have a clear head without obvious outside distractions. I have no interest in "other women" save for this longtime friend, so my job is relatively simple. Yours may not be
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I'll be waiting for my NC buddies
Linear Mode
