[x6xdrive]

Hey everybody, I just joined the forum because I need some advice and help...

Well before I begin let me tell you how I got into this LDR.....

This past new years, My family was visited by our old family friends we don't see that often.....They live in Cali and we live in NYC.......This was the first time they ever left Cali for NYC....so.....They have a daughter and she is pretty and really nice....I am 21 and she is 19.....I was instantly attracted to her.......( I have visited their house in Cali but that was when I was 15, so I didnt really have an attraction then to her........even though we did talk as friends.......I only stayed at her house for like 3 days and after I had left, I kept no communication.....)

She stayed 10 days with us....she spent the new years with my family....We shared many smiles and touches but nothing sexual.......We really couldnt spend time alone because our parent would be always around us......we didnt get a single moment alone.....I guess you can say, we talked mostly with our eyes........One monent I remember....the night before she left...she was standing outside my room....she wouldnt come in though....I told her to come in but she's like "no".......Then she told me to use Facebook...I had a Facebook account but I never really used it...but she was like " You should use your facebook, OK "........I was like " I will from now on "....then she went to her room and went to sleep....And one more moment, probably the most important moment of all, early next morning she had to leave, around 4:30 in the morning.......I was half asleep....I had woken up because she just came in to my room and she gave me a hug but it was a prolonged hug.....like about good 6 seconds or so.....I just felt so connected to her at that point....I just wanted to keep hugging her.......Well after she left, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't.....I already started to miss her....It took me about 3 hours to go to sleep.......

Ok...so here is my story........
I emailed her on facebook that very same day she left and she mailed back.....And we have been emailing ever since.....its been six months....We also talk on Aim but since there is a time difference, it really doesnt happen that often........

We talk about our daily schedules and anything that is happening in our lives...she has told me about her friends and then problems she is having with them and I do the same.......We have talked about love but just our beliefs on the subject....She says she doesnt believe in love at first sight and that it will last forever and I on the other hand, do....I guess I am a hopeless romantic.....We also talk about the weather, weird but with her I dont care what we talk about......But the thing is that, sometimes she doesnt repond on time....One time I had to wait like 8 days for response.....I am usually the one who is willing to write everyday.....about my day or interesting or funny things that have happened.....She makes excuses like being lazy or being tired or one time she just came out and said she didnt feel like it.....One time I made her wait for like 4 days because I was studying for finals and she got really mad at me for not emailing her...She said " I am not used to not emailing you. If you are not writing on purpose, then you are being dumb and if you are busy then its ok "...... She tells me some of her personal stuff and when she is feeling sad.....

One time, I was talking to her on Aim and I asked her if she forces herself to write to me....and she got really mad....She said I dont force myself..I feel like writing when I want to.....She told me that I am someone who is outside from her friends circle and all the drama and she also mentioned how she needs me....I really didnt understand that part because she didnt explain what she meant by that and she signed off after that......but lately her messages have been getting smaller and smaller but they are still about her feelings and problems...Actually recently I wanted to send her a bracelet she forgot at my house but I wanted to surprise her with a different one and keep the one she forgot...She actually gave me her best friends address thinking that I will send her bracelet back which she has had for a really long time....................Her last message was about 7 days ago.....There hasnt been any response from her since then......I hate it because it actually affects my mood and I dont even feel like hanging out with my friends...........She has never had a boyfriend btw but she has many guy friends.......

My questions are that....
1) Does this girl really like/love me at all or is she just passing time......?
2) How do I keep this LDR going (remember we have not acknowledged that we are a couple )?
3) What kind of questions should I ask to try to clue in on her feelings ( how she really feels) ?

Sorry if this post is really long and might be a bit dis organized.....Any other opinions/questions are welcome....One more thing, IDK when I am gonna see her again ( maybe in a year, 2 years, or never, even though I really want to )........I think about her just about every second of everyday.......She is the first girl that I really can talk to openly, even though not fully, about my feelings and thoughts......

[jonesec]

Originally Posted by x6xdrive

My questions are that....
1) Does this girl really like/love me at all or is she just passing time......?
2) How do I keep this LDR going (remember we have not acknowledged that we are a couple )?
3) What kind of questions should I ask to try to clue in on her feelings ( how she really feels) ?

1) She might just realize how much effort a LDR takes, and not be up for the challenge. This answers your 3rd question as well, but in a LDR you HAVE to be forward with everything. Just ask her how she sees your relationship and if she is willing to commit to you regardless of the distance.
2) Before you can really do any of that, you have to find out if she sees you as a couple. If not, then you shouldn't waste your time or feelings on a girl hundreds of miles away.
3) You can ask her how she would feel about a LDR, if she could ever be in one, and if she would want to be in one with you. If you guys haven't established anything, then make the first move. Being coy and passive aggressive isn't going to work through a computer screen so you have to just say what you really mean. It is the easiest way to deal with things when your time is so precious. Good luck!

[x6xdrive]

Thanks jonesec for the reply......One more thing....she is transferring into a different university where she will be dorming ( an hour away from her house ) ....which makes things really really hard for me...........I dont even know what to do.....And I just found out that her really good friend happens to be a guy who she hangs out with almost everyday even though he has a girlfriend......So, IDK....I am stuck 2500 miles away................She has told me that she would write to me even though she is going on vacation to another country......but she hasnt gone yet so I will wait and see what happens then...but she still has not responded to my last two emails.....

[lily8656]

Have you talked on the phone at all? You would have so much more insight into how she may or may not feel by hearing her voice. On the other hand, if you haven't done that yet it would be a big step not to be taken lightly, so I would approach the idea slowly depending on how you think she would feel about it.

[x6xdrive]

Actually, we haven't talked on the phone at all....I did bring the idea up in an email...I told her that she can call me anytime she is feeling bored or lonely...but got no reply to that statement......But since she is going to dorm next semester...I gonna try to bring the idea up again....Maybe she is afraid she is going to get caught if she talks at home.....Her mom pays for her cell phone bill so that why I havent forced that idea.....

[AussieForMe2145]

It sounds to me that she doesn't want anything serious to happen between you two. But you mentioned how she has never had a boyfriend before, only guy friends, so maybe she doesn't realize the feelings that she has for you, as well as the feelings you have for her, are more than "just friends". When I met my boyfriend (he was my first), I had no idea he had any feelings until he flat out told me. That's when I realized that I also had feelings for him too. So maybe you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel, because she may not have a clue. I would definitely call her though. Hearing the other persons voice tells you a lot more than just reading what someone typed because things can be misinterpreted. You can buy prepaid phone cards where you dial a 1-800 number and it doesn't cost you a penny (except for the cost of the phone card you bought). That would eliminate the cell phone cost. Most importantly, you both need to say how you feel about each other. Once you both open up you will see if your relationship can continue to grow. So many people survive in LDR's, if theres a will there's a way!

[x6xdrive]

Well thats what I thought.....that she wasn't really interested but then sometimes when I read her emails I become confused.....( meaning; sometimes I think she does like me...)... Once I emailed her a question just to see what she says..... I said: If I we dont communicate for a month, would it be one thing less to do in a day or something that is missed out on in a day.....Her response: she called me dumb and said its nice to have someone outside her friends that has a birds-eye view on things ( I am guessing someone to talk to when she cant talk to anybody around her)......Also on time an aim conversation I told something then I said:
"whatever floats your boat"....
she said to me " your boat is sinking "...
I said: " then come save me ".....
she said: " No, its too far "...
I said: " Why not, they do have planes, trains, and cars you know "
she said: " fine..maybe "

I dont know....sometimes she gives off signals that she does like me....

Also when I told her I wanted to send her something...at first she said NO...but I was like.....I gonna send it anyway...she was like " fine "...she told me " your gonna need help then " ...so she gave me her friends address.......She is gone out of the country right.....but before she left for the airport..she emailed me " bye ".....she also said she said " dont worry I will write to you from there "..she's gone for a month...so IDK.....I am getting really mixed signals.....