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Yeah, I hate my life. I'm frankly tired of living it. I don't blame anyone but myself for my life being so messed up. I am what they would call "uncomfortable in my skin", but morbidly so. I just don't like being me, and wish that if there is a god out there capable of doing it, for it to just kill me. I mean, it shouldn't be that hard to do; I have a frail, girly figure, can't fight, and feel pain easily.
Everything in my life is messed up. I have little to no social life (all my friends leave me out of almost everything they do), have absolutely no sexual vitality, can't even over-compensate for the first two with academia because I hate school (even college) and get god-awful grades 'cause I'm super ADHD; it's so bad I can't even play video games, have a dysfunctional left-brain, can't do a single thing correctly, work a crappy minimum wage job, and am way too slow for this lightning fast world.
Not one person has been able to help me. I can't even be taught anything. If someone tries to teach me how to do something, I suck at it. My family doesn't understand my ADHD, and to them it doesn't exist, so my mother decides to blame it on the computer (one of the only machines that I like). The only way I can kind of not suck at anything is to teach myself how to do it. Hell, that was the only way I could learn how to drive; however, I'm still too retarted and slow for this fast world. Not to mention that not one psychiatrist or therapist has been able to help me ONE BIT with my depression. It's not that they're BAD at their jobs, it's the fact that I have problems that probably can't be helped in any other way by simply (or not so simply) ceasing my existance.
The only hope I do have is music. As you can see by my SN, I want to be a great vocalist one day. I work at it any chance I get (even though I almost always sound like crap no matter how hard I work at it) and it's the only thing I have going for me. Even though a lot of the musicians I associate with mock me for wanting to be a vocalist and want me to be only a lead guitarist (what used to be my instrument of choice), I still dream on becoming successful with my music. I know I should just give it up and get a "real" career, but I can't help it when its my passion in life. Plus, I have extremely massive writers' block that I can't seem to get over.
Basically, I can forget about ever having a relationship too. I wish I wasn't this way, but my expectations are way too high. I always end up falling for women that are, as they say "way out of my league". However, attraction is something that can't be helped. I do have the choice of getting with a wallflower out of fear of lonliness, but I don't wanna settle for less just outta fear of lonliness. I've seen that happen before, and it just creates a lot of lies and drama. I'm not shallow, I need the blend of looks AND personality... if I don't have one or the other, I won't be attracted to them PERIOD. Again, it's not like I can just lower my standards at any time, and I wish that more than most things.
It seems like I should only be seen and not heard. It sucks, people see how depressed and disgruntled I am, and then they try to ego-boost me with cliches like "that's not true, man, you're cool!" or "I wish there were more people like you" or "you are so handsome" or "you are so smart" and then once I feel confident in myself, they slam tons of criticisms in my face and sometimes talk about me behind my back. It seems like these people are just trying to "make me feel better", but they're not helping one bit by lying to me and giving me a gasoline-dowsed lollipop. STOP IT! You're not doing me or yourself any good! CHRIST ALMIGHTY, DONT LIE! DONT LIE! All my life is nothing more than one big fat lie! UGH!
Essentially, I need to die. Not want, not desire; I NEED to die. I realize that there's no reason for me to exist. My brother's like me but is actually GOOD at tons of things and has a family to keep the bloodline going, so there's no reason why I should even be alive other than some sort of false hope and vivid daydreams that maybe, just maybe, my life might just stop sucking so much one day. Plus, I stay alive for the few people who DO care about me, even though it is absolutely imperitive that I die ASAP. I only do things for other people 'cause I've long since given up on myself. Not to mention the fact that people still call me "selfish". The last thing I've done for myself is smoke a nice blunt of marijuana, which made me neutral for a couple hours.
UGH, I just can't stand this life. I think fate just likes to give me false hope so that I'll be on my toes and pathetically look forward to my dreams coming true.
Sorry 'bout the long post.
Last edited by LonelyVocalist; 12th June 2008 at 5:53 AM.
are we through with the wailing and gnashing of teeth about just how much your life sucks?
because as bad as it is, YOU have the power to change one simple thing about it. Your attitude. You're not the suckiest person around, though sometimes when it seems like everything conspires against you it sure may feel like it!
nope, you've got a gift that no one else can offer this world, though it may be hard to imagine that. Instead of concentrating on everything you find negative, give as much energy to finding out what your particular gift is and develop it. And appreciate it. Because no one, but NO ONE will ever be able to give/share it the way you can.
stinkin' thinkin' can really suck, especially when you're convinced that you have nothing to offer, but don't let yourself linger there too long – you are special, and you need to see that for yourself.
all the problems you have sound insurmountable, but that shouldn't stop you from chipping away at them on YOUR terms so that you can get what you want out of life. Wishing for death isn't a real option, because you're then trying to prove to yourself just how worthless you are. And you're not. You possess something no one else does, and you should take pride in that.
now get out of your doldrums and give yourself the goal of finding what you excel at, then have at it.
hugs,
quank
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
I get so disturbed when I read these posts. I am always torn between wanting to give a big hug and a "there, there, everything will be alright" to delivering a huge kick in the *ss to the poster.
You have one life to live, one shot at this! Life is hard and it will break your heart, but you will experience some of the greatest joys you will ever know.
You are luckier than some--you don't live and have to endure hunger and poverty. You have access to education and good health care. I bet you would be surprised at how many successful people feel the way you do, but somehow they find a way to soldier on. All of us have some burden that we must bear or overcome.
Please do whatever you need to do to work this out and become all that you are meant to become. Tomorrow will be a better day!
I think you don't try hard enough. Maybe you grew up with everything handed to you? You have to take charge in your life. If you want to see change, you must be the change. First thing I'd do is get rid of the "friends." Real friends don't exclude other friends.
__________________ Finding a chick you want to take to bed is easy. Finding one you want to wake up with is another matter. It may be tougher, but I'll keep looking for the breakfast babe. -JohnnyBlaze
Yeah, I hate my life. I'm frankly tired of living it. I don't blame anyone but myself for my life being so messed up. I am what they would call "uncomfortable in my skin", but morbidly so. I just don't like being me, and wish that if there is a god out there capable of doing it, for it to just kill me. I mean, it shouldn't be that hard to do; I have a frail, girly figure, can't fight, and feel pain easily.
Everything in my life is messed up. I have little to no social life (all my friends leave me out of almost everything they do), have absolutely no sexual vitality, can't even over-compensate for the first two with academia because I hate school (even college) and get god-awful grades 'cause I'm super ADHD; it's so bad I can't even play video games, have a dysfunctional left-brain, can't do a single thing correctly, work a crappy minimum wage job, and am way too slow for this lightning fast world.
Not one person has been able to help me. I can't even be taught anything. If someone tries to teach me how to do something, I suck at it. My family doesn't understand my ADHD, and to them it doesn't exist, so my mother decides to blame it on the computer (one of the only machines that I like). The only way I can kind of not suck at anything is to teach myself how to do it. Hell, that was the only way I could learn how to drive; however, I'm still too retarted and slow for this fast world. Not to mention that not one psychiatrist or therapist has been able to help me ONE BIT with my depression. It's not that they're BAD at their jobs, it's the fact that I have problems that probably can't be helped in any other way by simply (or not so simply) ceasing my existance.
The only hope I do have is music. As you can see by my SN, I want to be a great vocalist one day. I work at it any chance I get (even though I almost always sound like crap no matter how hard I work at it) and it's the only thing I have going for me. Even though a lot of the musicians I associate with mock me for wanting to be a vocalist and want me to be only a lead guitarist (what used to be my instrument of choice), I still dream on becoming successful with my music. I know I should just give it up and get a "real" career, but I can't help it when its my passion in life. Plus, I have extremely massive writers' block that I can't seem to get over.
Basically, I can forget about ever having a relationship too. I wish I wasn't this way, but my expectations are way too high. I always end up falling for women that are, as they say "way out of my league". However, attraction is something that can't be helped. I do have the choice of getting with a wallflower out of fear of lonliness, but I don't wanna settle for less just outta fear of lonliness. I've seen that happen before, and it just creates a lot of lies and drama. I'm not shallow, I need the blend of looks AND personality... if I don't have one or the other, I won't be attracted to them PERIOD. Again, it's not like I can just lower my standards at any time, and I wish that more than most things.
It seems like I should only be seen and not heard. It sucks, people see how depressed and disgruntled I am, and then they try to ego-boost me with cliches like "that's not true, man, you're cool!" or "I wish there were more people like you" or "you are so handsome" or "you are so smart" and then once I feel confident in myself, they slam tons of criticisms in my face and sometimes talk about me behind my back. It seems like these people are just trying to "make me feel better", but they're not helping one bit by lying to me and giving me a gasoline-dowsed lollipop. STOP IT! You're not doing me or yourself any good! CHRIST ALMIGHTY, DONT LIE! DONT LIE! All my life is nothing more than one big fat lie! UGH!
Essentially, I need to die. Not want, not desire; I NEED to die. I realize that there's no reason for me to exist. My brother's like me but is actually GOOD at tons of things and has a family to keep the bloodline going, so there's no reason why I should even be alive other than some sort of false hope and vivid daydreams that maybe, just maybe, my life might just stop sucking so much one day. Plus, I stay alive for the few people who DO care about me, even though it is absolutely imperitive that I die ASAP. I only do things for other people 'cause I've long since given up on myself. Not to mention the fact that people still call me "selfish". The last thing I've done for myself is smoke a nice blunt of marijuana, which made me neutral for a couple hours.
UGH, I just can't stand this life. I think fate just likes to give me false hope so that I'll be on my toes and pathetically look forward to my dreams coming true.
Sorry 'bout the long post.
The thing is, you don't get to decide why it is that you were granted life. We could all find our lives meaningless if we put our minds to it. The challenge is to find them meaningful when we have no control over what life throws at us, the personalities it gave us, the gifts and challenges it gives us.
So here is my wish to you: that you let life reclaim you, instead of trying to force your own interpretations of what your life should be like onto it.
because as bad as it is, YOU have the power to change one simple thing about it. Your attitude. You're not the suckiest person around, though sometimes when it seems like everything conspires against you it sure may feel like it!
nope, you've got a gift that no one else can offer this world, though it may be hard to imagine that. Instead of concentrating on everything you find negative, give as much energy to finding out what your particular gift is and develop it. And appreciate it. Because no one, but NO ONE will ever be able to give/share it the way you can.
So... what you're saying is I should just PRETEND everything's all right and keep a smile on my face whenever something bad happens... been there, done that. In fact, as a teenager, I did that alot. It didn't do me any good, and maybe if I were a bit more cathartic back then, I would probably not be as imbittered as I am now.
I suck at everything, so this "gift" has to be something I'm passionate about even though I suck at it. It's singing; even though tons of more talented vocalists BLOW me outta the water. Maybe I DO suck at it, but same with everything else. At least singing makes me feel better, as much as I hate my voice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kasan
You have one life to live, one shot at this! Life is hard and it will break your heart, but you will experience some of the greatest joys you will ever know.
You are luckier than some--you don't live and have to endure hunger and poverty. You have access to education and good health care. I bet you would be surprised at how many successful people feel the way you do, but somehow they find a way to soldier on. All of us have some burden that we must bear or overcome.
Please do whatever you need to do to work this out and become all that you are meant to become. Tomorrow will be a better day!
People of all beliefs tell me that life is some sort of divine "gift". It's clever how they've worded that over the past centuries... 'cause how do we know it isn't one of those crappy gifts you get for your birthday? I mean, it's not like the giver of the gift (my parents) meant any ill intentions or didn't put any heart into it, it's just that I don't like the gift.
And please, do NOT preach to me about how bad other 3rd world disease infested hell-holes are. I've read and seen quite a few documentaries describing them. That really doesn't help me in any way... I'm tired of this redundant western way of thinking "be thankful" and they preach it over ceaselessly almost seeming like as to convince themselves, too. It's sad how we have to make eachother feel better by telling them how much worse someone else has it.
People always tell me "tomorrow will be a better day" but it never is! It's just more westernized "wishful thinking" soundbytes that don't work on me anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by J2FT1
I think you don't try hard enough. Maybe you grew up with everything handed to you? You have to take charge in your life. If you want to see change, you must be the change. First thing I'd do is get rid of the "friends." Real friends don't exclude other friends.
You have no idea how hard I try whatever I do. It's unfair that you don't even know me and are making judgements on what I've had to go through. People always tell me I don't "try hard enough" when on the inside, I'm working myself to the bone. That's what having undiagnosed ADHD is like. Typical humans, never taking a moment to walk two moons in another person's moccaisins.
If I got rid of my friends that did that to me, I'd have NO friends and would kill myself even sooner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamille
The thing is, you don't get to decide why it is that you were granted life. We could all find our lives meaningless if we put our minds to it. The challenge is to find them meaningful when we have no control over what life throws at us, the personalities it gave us, the gifts and challenges it gives us.
So here is my wish to you: that you let life reclaim you, instead of trying to force your own interpretations of what your life should be like onto it.
So, I should just continue to be fate's be-otch and try to find "meaning" to that. I hate to poison the tea party, but life IS meaningless. Even from the religious standpoint, it's meaningless. What's so damn meaningful about being another one of g-d's sheep?
I used to believe there was some sort of meaning behind everything, that it all happened for a reason. However, when I tried to gleam any sort of meaning to things that've happened to me with no apparent connection to anything else, I eventually came back to randomness. Maybe it's just the fact that there's dust here, galaxies there, stars here, planets there and good and bad luck in the middle.
I'm tired of having to wake up in the morning. It just feels like everything in my life is nothing but one big celestial chore. Thank you all for all the replies, but my problems are just too big and misunderstood to handle. I guess I can take solace in the fact that I will someday die (maybe sooner than expected thanks to global warming and other natural disasters).
and there you go. I've been around people who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but sang with such gusto I've got to admire them because of the pleasure they obviously got from that one simple action.
yeah, I imagine we all sound Pollyanna-ish to you, but you know what? It's worked for us, and we don't see why it shouldn't work for someone else. Fake it til you make it, indeed, but it almost always seems to work. And i still say it's your incredibly negative attitude that's your downfall, not your inability to do X Y or Z.
as far as the ADHD goes, are you seeking treatment/help to alleviate some of the symptoms? I know with my depression, medication went a long, long way toward making things start going right again for me.
What's so damn meaningful about being another one of g-d's sheep?
good bad or ugly, it's pretty damned cool being one-of-a-kind, yet so beloved that we matter even when we convince ourselves we don't. Baah!
And please, do NOT preach to me about how bad other 3rd world disease infested hell-holes are. I've read and seen quite a few documentaries describing them. That really doesn't help me in any way... I'm tired of this redundant western way of thinking "be thankful" and they preach it over ceaselessly almost seeming like as to convince themselves, too. It's sad how we have to make eachother feel better by telling them how much worse someone else has it.
Wow! Just wow!
I have a niece that has been confined to a wheelchair for the past 18 years. Her parents have never heard her put a sentence together, she has never been able to feed herself, or walk.
You can choose to envelop yourself in your self-pity or you can choose to go out into the world, live your best life and maybe share your gifts with the world.
I'm not sure what you hoped to find on this site or what magic words any of us could say that would make you view your life and circumstances differently.
Know that you aren't alone in your thoughts and there was a thread where members talked about suicide.
In keeping with the mission statement of this site I have posted the link for you.
And please, do NOT preach to me about how bad other 3rd world disease infested hell-holes are. I've read and seen quite a few documentaries describing them. That really doesn't help me in any way... I'm tired of this redundant western way of thinking "be thankful" and they preach it over ceaselessly almost seeming like as to convince themselves, too. It's sad how we have to make eachother feel better by telling them how much worse someone else has it.
Wow! Just wow!
I have a niece that has been confined to a wheelchair for the past 18 years. Her parents have never heard her put a sentence together, she has never been able to feed herself, or walk.
You can choose to envelop yourself in your self-pity or you can choose to go out into the world, live your best life and maybe share your gifts with the world.
Which option do you think my niece would choose?
Call me a sick bastard, but I say she's fortunate for having the un-consciousness of the world that she does. I think people who are shut off from the world (by choice or medical shut-in) kind of have it made in some ways. I mean, in my mind, this world's just not that great place that all these braindead (albeit well-intentioned) optimists make it out to be. Who would wanna learn about and live in this place, if given the choice... everything is corrupted and poisonous; politics, religion, education, pollution, disease, war, apartheid, famine, drought, floods, natural disasters, global warming... I could try to put powdered sugar on the h t sandwich if it's too much to consume. "Life is no way to treat a living being" - Kurt Vonnegut.
What does it matter anyways? Even my opinions are retarted.
your opinions are just fine, it's your attitude that's horrifically crappy.
do you want us to agree with you, ya unhappy little lump of a man, and tell you that you really ARE a miserable person, simply based on your self-analysis? Would it make you feel better? If that's what you're looking for, I think you're barking up the wrong tree, because the people in this community strive to help others heal. And will always look to respond in a way to bring people out of the mire they're stuck in.
so decide what you want from us, then act accordingly. Otherwise we'll continue to just be sugar-sweet to a point where your dentist will need to make a housecall.
Yes, LonelyVocalist, I do not know much about you, so give us your background, if you may. I'm 99.9% sure I have friends who've had it worse than you and are doing better than you.
Yes, LonelyVocalist, I do not know much about you, so give us your background, if you may. I'm 99.9% sure I have friends who've had it worse than you and are doing better than you.
I'm tired of people always playing the "you could be worse off!" card. In fact, that makes my problems much worse. Knowing you could be worse off doesn't really make anything better, it doesn't make anybody (that I know of) more thankful or appreciative, it just shows one more human being whose a victim of unfortunate circumstances beyond anyone's control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by quankanne
your opinions are just fine, it's your attitude that's horrifically crappy.
do you want us to agree with you, ya unhappy little lump of a man, and tell you that you really ARE a miserable person, simply based on your self-analysis? Would it make you feel better? If that's what you're looking for, I think you're barking up the wrong tree, because the people in this community strive to help others heal. And will always look to respond in a way to bring people out of the mire they're stuck in.
so decide what you want from us, then act accordingly. Otherwise we'll continue to just be sugar-sweet to a point where your dentist will need to make a housecall.
In the words of Aleister Crowley, "do what thou wilt". Now, I don't agree with most of his philosophies, but he had a point. You're gonna post what you're gonna post anyways, and I support your freedom of expression as well as mine, so just post whatever you want, even if it's what I don't want to hear. Hell, anyone can post me bible verses, but it should be my right to refute them if I feel the need to do so. So, feel free to blame it on my "attitude", but I just happen to have a different opinion on why I am the way I am.
You COULD be so much worse off, you have a loving family you have the means to see therapists and you are still whinging! You are not physically disabled but for you to feel better will mean that you have to actually put effort into it! You could live in a 3rd world country, you could have a terminal disease, you could be an orphan who watched his mum and dad be murdered and I could go on ... You have tha audacity to say that the girl in the wheelchair was better of than you? Jesus man get a grip and stop acting like a spoiled child. Go and get meds and you will be able to cope better.
There is nothing worse than a whinging man!
If you want help then you have to open your mind to the help offered. People have said very kind things to you and took their spare time to reply to you and all you can do is bash it down and whing!
No wonder your friends leave you out if that is how you go on!
Seriously, if you want help then you can have it but of all you are gonna do is whinge then dont bother asking!
I know how you feel.. been there.. and you're right.. nothing will cheer you up.. the 3rd world diseases and hunger don't make any difference.. other people's misery are other people's misery, not yours...
It's true.. you feel completely empty inside.. nothing is fun.. it is pure melancholy... and it's sad.
My only advice, medication, exercise, and maybe counselling. But the most important IMO is medication and exercises... I know that when you feel like that you don't want to do anything.. I didn't ... but you HAVE TO...
Deep depression if not treated can take forever to get back to 'normal' IF you do..
So before pulling the trigger, go see your doctor for antidepressant... you won't get better if you don't take control of your life.. no one can do it for you.
Good luck!
__________________ One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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