I don't give a damn. I'm just crazy, simply happy to still be alive!
In if the Sun doesn't shine tomorrow! I'm just gratefull for what I had!
I could care less if I ever marry again.
I could care less if I ever married or shack up again? WTF?
My one problem in Life?
My DS and DD?
I had sixteen into the Corps when we divorced, and we needed to divorce.
She couldn't tote the note on being a miltary wife. And I agree that the hardesst job in the Marine Corps is being a Marine's Wife.
We got divorced, and I went to Camp Lejeune, and they sent my Happy
@sss everywhere. I deployed more in my last four years than the other sixteen years put togetherr!
Tne problem? I'm disconnected from my son and daughter.
The Corps demanded so much of me, mentailly,emotionallhy, spirtually, physically I had nothing left to give to anyone else!
There! I've said it!
__________________
I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
You were kind enough to answer my query earlier so let me try and shed some light on yours.
The biggest problem I have ever had with my daughter (16 years old) is when I have underestimated her ability to read a situation or hadle a situation with maturity. Children of all ages are usually far more perceptive and aware then we ever give them credit for. And that would include you too Gunny.
I suggest you start by being less marine and more dad. Try a simple email or letter for that personal touch, telling your chidren how you feel and why you felt you had to do what you did. Give them the benefit of the intelligence to understand your problem. Do not try to second guess what their reaction will be.
I further suggest that you do not place any demands on either of them. Allow the relationships to take a natural course rather then forcing any issues. This way you may eventually end up all wanting to meet each other again.
I note you say you are worlds apart from each other, and that may be the truth. But knowing that you should feel free to change your stance and to make adjustments whereby you bridge the gap a bit., Show them that you really want them in your life. Above all else have patience. Lots of it. I am sure you can win them over if you really try as I know blood is thicker than water.
I wish you the very best of luck, my daughter is the love of my life and I realise now that I would struggle not having her in my life.
I was fine being single and alone, until my DD laid my GS in my arms!
I feel like the chacther in the movie Major Payne ~ I just don't know how to deal with alot of this soft civilian stuff ~ and I'm not being a joke about it. I've had a really hard time re-adjusting to civilian life.
I realize I've been "intsionalized" and such. That, through twenty years of my training I've been "programed" to be a Marine.
And yea, when I meet the GS for the first time! I just melted!
You are what you are Gunz. There aint a damn thing you can do about that.
I do appreciate where you're coming from. As you already know My Big Bro's in the Royal British Marines. Personally ~ I dont LIKE what he's become since he joined the marines ~ I'm being serious ~ I LOVE my brother ~ He's my big brother and he's my blood ~ but I dont LIKE him ~ He's changed ~ in a way that I cant really put my finger on ~ but he has changed. I dont really feel as though I KNOW him anymore. (Its rare for me to talk about this by the way ~ I'm the one that usually holds everyone else together ~) ~ He's SO angry all the time
~ I'm always damn scared to go out with him when he's home cause someone only gotta look at him the wrong way and he's off like a rocket ~ my old man had to hit him with an iron bar last time he was back ~ just to try and stop him cause he'd gone off on some poor guy ~ Dad hit him so hard with that bar ~ just trying to get stop him ~ and he just looked at my dad and said "is that all ya got" ~ unbelieveable. Never seen anything like it.
Anyway ~ there's loads more I could go into about my lovely brother ~ but my point is ~ my brother is who he is ~ he's seen things that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy ~ I never ask him about it ~ he never talks about it ~ but I know that some of those images must haunt him day in day out ~ He's got four beautiful boys ~ 8,7,4 & 2 ~ but he's lost touch with them because he cant seperate being a father and being a marine ~ it's really sad.
Gunny ~ at the end of the day ~ you did what you had to do ~ your old lady wanted a divorce ~ you couldn't change that ~ but you did YOUR BEST for your kids ~ when you divorced ~ you had to go into survival mode in more ways than one ~ YOU had to protect YOU ~ You had to protect your future benefits for yourself and for your children ~ YOU DID YOUR BEST AND YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO.
Your kids are now upstanding, moral, independant human beings are they not??? ~ The reason they are decent human being's isn't just down to mommy Gunz ~ daddy had a HUGE part to play in that too.
It is what it is gunny ~ you gotta make the most of it ~ at least you're ALLOWED to hold your GS in your arms ~ at least you got out alive so you CAN see him grow up ~ some didn't ~ as for your children ? ~ It is what it is. YOU DID YOUR BEST
Gunny you are a very strong man & you have given out some very good advice to people here & have helped out a lot.
Just like the others have said; start out with just explaining your situation & let your kids into your life by telling them why you did what you did. If you take the first step then maybe they will start walking from there side & you will end up meeting in the middle.
Remember it doesn't hurt to cry & show emotions & maybe sending an email or letter is an easy way to start. We are all human & deep down we really do care and really do have real feelings. I have to say since my separation I show my emotions a lot more then I used to. I grew up that guys didn't cry & you had to be tough, but that isn't true.
Don't expect things to happen overnight & don't expect miracles, but even baby steps means you are moving.
I work with a gal that hasn't talked much with one of her songs since her divorce & it really does bother her and she tells me about it all the time so I do understand.
I am very close to my folks & family & I wouldn't know what it would be like without family around me.
Have you thought of doing any type of counseling for this? Even if you could talk to them about how to go about it would be a help. I know you like to read books & maybe there are some good books out there that would help.
I know I have read a couple of Henry Cloud's books & even though they are more religious type I really like some of his stuff.
Good luck my friend, your grandkids need a grandpa in there lives.
__________________ If you can't be happy with yourself, you won't be able to show and share that happiness to others.
What about counseling? I know it is hard for a marine to feel like he doesn't have all the answers, but maybe by taking that first step it would help you. I'm sure that would feel very foreign to you though!!!!
I respect you and am grateful to you as you have obviously served our country well. Now it's time to serve yourself well!
If you have seen that GS and your heart melted and you realize things aren't as they should be then reach out to your children and get counseling. Just do it!!!! Hang in there. So glad you are here and please keep us posted.
And yea, when I meet the GS for the first time! I just melted!
Did you tell your DD that? Its kind of a good place to start, mutual adoration of smallest family members.
I hadn't seen my dad in... 18 years, had talked on the phone occasionally and sent christmas and birthday cards, but I hadn't seen him until he and his gf came to visit when my son was six months old. Watching my dad with my son and seeing the joy he took in him was a turning point for me. I was able to see him not as my father who had left me when I was young but as my son's grandfather, someone with a role to play in my son's life. I was able to drop the wariness I felt at being around him again because my son was kind of a 'buffer', a mutual starting point to get to know each other again.
Conversations about my son, lead to conversations about other things and I got to know him as he is now, not as he was, or how my mother painted him to be (though I always took that with a grain of salt because my mother is psycho lol!). It took some time but I know my father loves my son and is important to him, and I know its important for my son to know his grandfather. Though I must admit to telling him off when he tries to get all 'dad' on me- "Hey! I'm 32, older than you were when you got divorced! I can take care of myself!"
hmmm I better go send the latest pictures of my beautiful boy to him now....
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Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
- Dame Edna Everage
Have you tried something simple like telling them you're sorry for whatever happened in the past and that you would like to form a new relationship going forward? That you feel that you've missed out on alot and that you don't want to make the same mistakes with the GS??
I grew up hating my father Gunny--he was a military man and we were polar opposites.
But--people change and soften their rough edges.
You aren't the man that you were those years ago, and your kids will see this if you allow them to.
What is wrong with a phone call checking in with them say once a month? It will be awkward at first, but over time things will become easier as you share in their life--besides you have the common interest of the grandchildren.
I was fine being single and alone, until my DD laid my GS in my arms!
YOUR DAUGHTER HAD A LITTLE GUNNY-SGT?!!!
congrats on being a granddaddy, Gunny, from what I'm told, grandkids are more fun than your own kids because you can love them and spoil them wholeheartedly, then give them back to their parents at the end of the day!
that said, maybe it's time to use this opportunity to reconnect with your family, lord knows that little kids are the best way to tap into your emotions because there's no guile or false movements on their end – they love you simply because they do, and it's so easy to give that back.
my daddy is a retired USAF SSGT, and I don't remember a whole lot of "I love you's" as a kid, though to be fair, he did spoil us even as he tried to whip his little troops into order! But the sweetest thing I've ever heard out of his mouth came recently, after 42 years of knowing him, when he told me he loved me, that he loved all of us (I'm one of six kids), and that just made me feel so good. Because I know how hard it is for him to connect that way. I guess when it comes down to base, we want to know that we are loved for ourselves, you know?
so my advice is to be honest about the love you've got for your kids, they're never too old to hear that their daddy loves them. Best of all, you can practice on the little gunny-sgt
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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