[1DAY]

Hi everyone, I am new to this site. I am looking for advice on how to cope with my recent marital breakdown. My fiance and I were together for a little over 5 years and have a 4 1/2 year old son. Throughout our relationship we've both struggled with jealously. Twice I have found him having conversations with another woman and hiding it from me. I began to feel insecure and became flirtatious with other men - seeking attention. I too had conversations with other men. Progressively things got worse and worse with all of the built-up jealousy - we couldn't move past the fact that each of us at one point was seeking an emotional connection with someone else. He was never home and we stopped communicating. He started smoking pot and gambling excessively. Shortly after he started his new "hobbies" he lost his job and had no desire to work. He didn't want to contribute to the household in any way. I was paying all the bills and doing all of the housework. I became so angry all the time. We fought non-stop about anything and everthing. He would call me horrible names (slut, bitch, whore) and accused me constantly of being unfaithful. I tried to do things for him to show him how much he still meant to me even though we were having problems...I would buy him a little gift, give him a card, or write him a sweet e-mail, but it didn't matter to him. He was completely unresponsive....he stopped caring and he stopped trying...Christmas Day, 6 months after buying our new house together, he left...for good this time. I've been a wreck. I cry all the time and long to have back everything I've lost. We both didn't treat each other very good in the end, but I keep thinking about the man I fell in love with and how were not a "family" anymore. It's been about 4 1/2 months now and he's been living at his parent's house. It's very difficult for me because I see him almost everyday and will have to see him for the rest of my life. I suggested we go to counselling to try to mend our broken family but he didn't want anything to do with it. At first, he wouldn't talk to me at all but over the past 2 months we've started to try to become friends but there's just one problem...we've also been having sex. It's not just any sex though, it's the best sex we've ever had. I don't understand...we are obviously still very attracted to each other, but we somehow always find our way back to arguing and not talking for a week or two. Sometimes I feel like he is playing games with me and using me....he will leave shortly after we've been intimate and is seldom the one to initiate contact with me afterwards. Also, a couple times he's asked me to get together but then I don't hear from him and he doesn't let me know he can't make it. He sometimes texts me too wanting to know where I am...I feel like he's only talking to me when it's convenient for him....I don't know what to do. I still love him very much despite our past and would be willing to forgive him for everything and move forward, if he would be willing to put forth an effort as well. I believe in my heart that this relationship is repairable, but he keeps saying he's not ready and doesn't know if he ever will be...what do I do? Do I withdraw completely? Is he using me for sex? How long do I wait before giving up? Any thoughts would be very much appreciated. Sorry for the long post...I just needed to get it all out!!!!!