So, I have read several threads about wanting to tell the BS about the affair for moral, ethical, etc reasons. What about telling them for revenge. To get back at the person who completely broke your heart with lies and false promises. What about telling for revenge?
I am one of those who wouldn't care why I was told, just as long as I was told. If you did for revenge, then you and God can deal with that, but I think a BS has a right to know, no matter what. IMO..
Aside from instances where a disease is involved... revenge is alway the motive.
Lots of people sugar coat it, calling it a moral duty, or claiming they are saving the BS from inevitable injury... it's a lot of clap trap. BS's are almost alway innocent bystanders. "Telling" them, sets into motion a process that hurts the cheater. Often destroying an innocent party as well.
OM/OW who expose relationships after being dumped... do so for revenge.
Last edited by LakesideDream; 8th May 2008 at 7:23 PM.
Reason: clarity
You need to take responsibility for your actions and be angry with yourself for getting involved with a MM. You can't throw all the blame to him - You knew he was married and knew he was a liar as he was cheating on his wife with you. You won't only hurt him (probably piss him off more than anything) but you'll be hurting an innocent woman so you can ruin his marriage. It's not your place to tell. That's his job. Now that the A is over, you NOW feel the need to tell? Sorry but thoughts of telling never entered your mind while the A was good and you were happy...
The best revenge is for you to never speak to him again and find someone who can give you all that you deserve, not a MM.
You need to take responsibility for your actions and be angry with yourself for getting involved with a MM. You can't throw all the blame to him - You knew he was married and knew he was a liar as he was cheating on his wife with you. You won't only hurt him (probably piss him off more than anything) but you'll be hurting an innocent woman so you can ruin his marriage. It's not your place to tell. That's his job. Now that the A is over, you NOW feel the need to tell? Sorry but thoughts of telling never entered your mind while the A was good and you were happy...
The best revenge is for you to never speak to him again and find someone who can give you all that you deserve, not a MM.
You know you say it could hurt his marriage. Who really cares at that point.... Should we? He took the risK to get involved in an affair. Why spare him the pain, after what he put ow through. Let him go back to cosy M pretending he did no wrong? My thought is bs has an incling anyway... people do have intution. My mm w figured it out on her own, I say get it all in the open.... why not.....
I think it all depends on the situation and motives. There is a time for the truth and a time to just keep one's mouth shut and move on.
DNR
There is no one simply answer. Your right, every situation is really different. But if he were a really big jerk, that might justify... It all depends what kind of relationship it was
Aside from instances where a disease is involved... revenge is alway the motive.
Lots of people sugar coat it, calling it a moral duty, or claiming they are saving the BS from inevitable injury... it's a lot of clap trap. BS's are almost alway innocent bystanders. "Telling" them, sets into motion a process that hurts the cheater. Often destroying an innocent party as well.
OM/OW who expose relationships after being dumped... do so for revenge.
LOL sorry - just going through a "don't give a rat's @$$ what you think anymore" phase here.......
I know what you mean, I think I am in that phase myself. But I also know everything goes around in a circle, seems like it sometimes, and the time will come again were I do care, I dont know, but i am in the i dont care mode, and i kinda like it
I totally understand what you mean about the whole "he goes back to a 'happy' marriage." I sometimes wish there were more consequences for him, but then I start to think about it. What does it matter? Who cares if he goes back or not? Who cares if he is happy? It shouldn't matter to you any more. Once it is over, he is no longer your "responsibility." The more you put your energy into some kind of revenge, the less you concentrate on you. It is really a bad situation. You should be happy with you. You should care about you. Stop worrying about the xMM, and think about your life. He is not your concern any more. Also, you know that they say revenge is typically empty. Once people get their revenge, they are never really happy with the outcome.
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It all depends what kind of relationship it was
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