Hey all, first post here, have read quite a few and its interesting stuff!
I have been with my GF for 5 years. She is now 22 and i am 34. Big age gap i know, but it has never been an issue until possibly now.
We lost a baby during pregnancy last year, had to have a surgical termination. Since then, things havent been quite the same between us, still good though, and a couple of weeks ago she said she needed some time out as she has been with me for ages and has never been single and she thinks she may be missing out. However she says that she loves me like crazy but is really confused and doesnt know what she wants right now.
I havent seen her at all, and after the initial flurry of texts between us with me saying this doesnt make sense etc and her saying, i dont know why im doing this, this will probably be the biggest mistake of my life, if i take time out and you meet someone etc, i thought about initiating NC. Only i failed, because it doesnt seem clear that its over just yet. I now wait for her to txt me and then i reply, but its never about our relationship, i decided to avoid that so i didnt pressure her, so i just joke a bit and make her laugh.
Am i doing the right thing here? If she ends it then so be it, but i would like to think we still have a chance.
Love and peace to you all
sounds like she might be having some mental problems after loosing the baby. did she ever seek professional help? alot of x people just try to push this under the rug,and it will go away. but it don't. try to get her some help.
Unfortunately despite my request for us to seek counselling it hasnt happened. She says she doesnt want to talk about it, shes trying to forget it. I dont think she realises that it doesnt matter how fast she runs, she's never gonna leave it behind.
I think i have said everything i can to her. I read a post on here somewhere that says, dont play games, fight for them etc, but giving someone their request for space whatever the reason, means that this is not possible. The only reason for contacting her would be for selfish reasons and would not really be respectful of her wishes, so i am destined to play the waiting game and see what gives. Oh how the imagination likes toying with my emotion. The less i hear from her, the more i wonder what shes up to. Works both ways i guess.
my wife and i lost our first daughter. so i'm well aware of what can go through a womans mind. it was touch and go for alooong time. until she's ready to face this sitution head on,there can be no closure-- i hate using that word, cause there is no closure.
she also said that she 100% does not want to meet or date other guys, she just wants to be on her own but doesnt know why
I know why. Because she has never had the chance to experience her life. She has been with a man that is almost ten years her senior since she was damn near illegal. I don't blame her. You didn't think about this when you were craddle robbing, huh? Most men never do.
I know why. Because she has never had the chance to experience her life. She has been with a man that is almost ten years her senior since she was damn near illegal. I don't blame her. You didn't think about this when you were craddle robbing, huh? Most men never do.
Well i wont be justifying myself to you. Cradle robbing indeed. Bitter and twisted rant i suspect.
she has been with me for ages and has never been single and she thinks she may be missing out.
She wants out. Wants to see what single life is like. She's already spent a fourth of her life with you.
This sucks hard, but a likely consequence for dating someone so young.
The very best you can hope for is to set her free and give her time. She may come back half-assed just because she missed the comfort and security of the relationship, or she may never come back at all.
This is gonna be rough, and I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I was there quite a lot, both at a younger age and even now, so I know how you feel.
__________________ "How could this love, ever turning, never turn it's eye on me.
How could this love, ever changing, never change the way I feel."
I know why. Because she has never had the chance to experience her life. She has been with a man that is almost ten years her senior since she was damn near illegal. I don't blame her.
Part of the problem is she is still changing SO much. From 17-22 I changed COMPLETELY. From 29-now, some changes, but not so much. I think around 25 was when things settled down, I began to establish myself, and I realized who I am and what I wanted from life.
I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I was still with the guy I was seeing at 17, or the one I was seeing at 22.
You really just need to let her go and let her grow some. She may come back. She may not.
Perhaps losing the baby made her think "Oh my gosh, I haven't done anything on my own yet." Maybe she thought of it as a wake up call. Maybe she just wants to know what it's like to be alone for awhile.
She's been with you her entire adult life. And maybe she's just growing up some and realizing that you are not the one she thought she wanted to be with forever. Or maybe she just wants to be free and without a man for awhile to enjoy her friends and party it up.
Think about yourself...think about how much YOU changed and grew from 17-22. What were your goals at 17, and what were they at 22? Did they drastically change? If not, you're in the minority.
I have 4 friends that were all married at ages 19-20 and all had their divorces finalized by 23 simply because of these reasons.
I'm sorry about the loss of your baby, and the pain of your breakup. Good luck
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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