Let me start by saying how great this is to have here. I have been married 6 years now and am going through some kind of "identity" thing. I've lost weight, am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time and have been starting to go out and meet new people and have fun again.
The problem is - I am going out with new people without my husband. And I am liking it. What does that mean? I still love my husband, we have a daughter together and I don't necessarily want a divorce. BUT we are in very different places and I am feeling stifled. I do NOT want an affair - I just want freedom - even just for a few weeks. I stayed at home with my daughter for a year and just went back to work in a new place and feel like I have a life again.
Is is possible to want some freedom, but still want the family life?
My husband is not understanding about all this - my phone records are being monitored, emails being read, van being rummaged through because he is convinced I am cheating on him.
It is being recommended by a few to get "a trial separation" agreement. Is this a good idea and do I need a lawyer to do it?
I am just confused about all of it and need some objective answers.
So what exactly do you want freedom from? or freedom to?
Why exactly did you get married in the first place? Sorry if I don't quite completely buy your line... not that you're quite sure yourself right?
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The problem is - I am going out with new people without my husband. And I am liking it. What does that mean? I still love my husband, we have a daughter together and I don't necessarily want a divorce. BUT we are in very different places and I am feeling stifled. I do NOT want an affair - I just want freedom - even just for a few weeks.
Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that your intentions aren't so bad.
Are you being honest with yourself about this need for freedom?
Does your husband treat you badly? Are you 'just bored' with him? Looking for the next great thing in your life?
What exactly is driving this in you? I can't answer it. Can only try to read into what you've posted.
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Whatever you project, the world will reflect... right back at you.
What would you do with your new freedom that you can't do with your husband?
How is your husband preventing your freedom?
I have the same questions.
Also, wouldn't a separation from him give possibly you less freedom...assuming you'd have your daughter and when you go out you'd need to find a sitter more often than now since your hubby wouldn't be available to watch her all of the time.
Why isn't your husband joining you? Is it girls only things? Do you just not want him to come so you don't invite him? Is he invited and he says no?
His reaction to your behavior doesn't seem all that unreasonable since you actually are considering leaving him.
Those are valid questions and ones I needed to hear.
Are you being honest with yourself about this need for freedom?
Does your husband treat you badly? Are you 'just bored' with him? Looking for the next great thing in your life?
My husband does not treat my badly. And yes, I am extremely bored with him and have told him so. I don't know what the "next great thing" is - but I am unsatisfied and looking for a fix I suppose.
By freedom, I mean the ability to go out when and with who I choose. I realize that a separation would make this hard with finding a sitter and all that - but I just don't have fun with him anymore. Ok - that sounds shallow - but it's true.
I guess I am hoping that a trial separation would be an answer of some sort to see what I really want. And no, I do not already know the answer to that question. that is why I am considering this as an option. If I already knew the answer, I would not put either one of us through this - I would end it. We are going to a counselor which might also help.
And yes, I am extremely bored with him and have told him so.
Only the boring are bored. (Or so said my mom whenever I complained of boredom as a child.)
I realize I may not have the full story, but from what you've written so far, this looks to be a massive failure of imagination on your part. What have you tried to do to make things interesting WITH your husband? What efforts have you made to spice up your marriage? You seem to be spicing up your life outside of, and without, your husband, but unless he's in a vegetative state and can't communicate, I feel sure that there are things you could talk about or do together that would re-introduce some spark to your relationship.
I mean if this is the case with women these days when they get everything and find a good man, they want their freedom to go out with whomever they want to? Then why the hell should men get married?
I wonder if the husband starts loosing weight neglecting his marriage and hanging around with other women would it be so nice????
Please.
It is shallow and selfish and just becasue you lost weight dont make you hot stuff. All those good looks mean nothing if your ugly inside. Your bored because you dont propose anything new to the marriage. Women need to initiate things too!!!
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This gun means you are the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men, but I'm trying, I'm trying real hard to be the sheppard...
My wife and are are going through something similar. First off make sure you have a couple reliable baby sitters.
Does he seem receptive to going out with you? Does he really know what you want?
Do you know what's going on in his life and how he is feeling about the marriage? Do you give him freedom? I found myself struggling with fatherhood, career, hobbies, and marriage trying to find the right balance.
If he is not bad to you you need to work to stay together. Boredom is not a good excuse. A seperation would make your life very complex and you'll lose freedom.
At 28 I woke up with a note on my head half the size of a gold ball? ~ Stress
I had a career Marine Master Sergenat, First Sergeant, and Sergeant Major tyring to make their careers in the Marine Corps at the sake of mine! ~ Stress!
I get divorced? Paying $1000 a month in child support, while the ex-wife is trading cars every two years, first a Jeep Grand Cherokee, then a Ford Explorer, then a Convertiable Ford Mustang, then another, and another, and another, and another what-ever!
Meanwhile, I'm driving "Please-Dear-Lord-Jesus-Almighty-God-Just-Let-Me-Make-It-Home" pieces of crap!
Working two jobs, the GF PO! Because I was doing what I had to do!
Get married again?
Young guy at work is getting marrired!
He's got to be some special kind of: strupid!
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I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
Hey.. lay of satc... Big took one for the team, and captured the flag. My hero!
Lakeside is a Vietnam Combat Vet ~ show some respect! He's also a former Marine Corps Officer, and if you just even had a clue as to what that meant to earn that title back in the day during the Vietnam era. you would be humbled to your ever-loving knees!
When you think of Lakeside, think respect! All gave some, some gave ALL!
YOU HAVEN'T A CLUE! TO THE MEANING OF SCARIFICE AND TEARS! NOT A FREAKING CLUE!
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