[mint_tea]

We're 19 and 20.

Last night I asked my ex if we could try again. He said cares for me but he wants to be my friend. I asked him why we couldn't be together, and he said he's realized a lot about himself in the last few months. He said he doesn't give a s*** about anything in life. He said he doesn't get attached or form bonds. I said, what about your friends back home? Don't you have a bond with them? He said he could go a year without talking to them. I then said, you didn't have a problem forming a bond with me a year ago. He said keeping it was the problem. Then he said, why do you think I was ok with transferring schools two days after I found out? He then said he felt like a d-bag and an a-hole because earlier, he had drunkenly told me that we could try again. I had been trying to go back to my room because I had a final this morning and he kept saying, no, please stay longer. I asked him why my being there was so relaxing (we were laying in his bed), and he just said "you".

One of the last things I said was "I hope when you get to a point in your life where you do give a s***, you find a girl who makes you happy and you're able to keep her." He started crying. I told him to go back to bed.


What are the chances of someone like this ever changing? Not that I would wait for him to change. For what it's worth, he had brain cancer as a child and had many operations, could it be that his brain is wired to think this way now?

[carhill]

Sometimes people just have to make their own way. A satisfying relationship is where both partners are responsive to and want to satisfy each other. I'm not seeing this here.

Don't try to figure out his brain. Scientists could spend a career doing that (with anyone). It's not your job.

You're young. Have fun! When you get to be my age, you'll be glad you did. Plenty of time for angst later in life

[LikeCharlotte]

I was hoping it would work out for you. I'm sorry.

[mint_tea]

Thanks. It sucks

[orangesean]

Sorry Mint tea... I think you may be happier with someone later on who knows the value of commitment. I don't know, sometimes certain guys never change their opinions on relationships. I know a range of guys from 20-30 years of age and they all seem to have one set way of how relationships are. Most think they don't last and stick with that feeling, dooming the relationship. Others are the "bros before hoes" type that I never understood. And even more I think a lot of guys I know are happier just being nerdy slobs on their own and are embittered with women the rest of their lives. Have I known any of them to change? No... but I'm hoping at least half will get a clue sooner or later.

Maybe I browse these forums too much, but it sometimes makes me feel like any sort of lasting love is hopeless because mainstream society seems to be all about singularity and independence. No one wants to try anymore. It's kind of setting me back. This is embarrassing but I bought a book from Amazon about "true love stories" that supposedly really happened. Sort of a Chicken Soup type of deal. I had to buy it for the pick me up from all these relationships I see that never work in both real life and on the internet. I hide it though when people come to my apartment. Wouldn't want to see a "man" reading his "girly love story book!"

[mint_tea]

Maybe I browse these forums too much, but it sometimes makes me feel like any sort of lasting love is hopeless because mainstream society seems to be all about singularity and independence. No one wants to try anymore. It's kind of setting me back. This is embarrassing but I bought a book from Amazon about "true love stories" that supposedly really happened. Sort of a Chicken Soup type of deal. I had to buy it for the pick me up from all these relationships I see that never work in both real life and on the internet. I hide it though when people come to my apartment. Wouldn't want to see a "man" reading his "girly love story book!"

That's so true...I feel so hopeless about relationships, especially at my age. No one wants to be in one, it seems!!

Buying that book is not embarrassing!