[BigDreamer08]

I moved back to my parents house last November, had gone off on my own and moved out of state for a year, got stuck in an abusive relationship so I moved back and moved in so I could get back on my feet...I got a job in January in a good company and make about $11 an hour but its only part time. I don't have a car yet so I take the bus, but I have a good portion of bills I pay on my own...On top of that my step mom has me pay 250 for the "electricity" and I work at a place that saves them over $100 a month on their cable/internet/phone. I'm also required to do chores (which i don't mind cleaning up after myself) buy my own food, and if I use their food I have to replace it. My dad helps out when he can with rides and a few extra bucks here and there when I can't afford anything but pb and bread.

But my dad and step mom have been going through some marital issues, and being the eldest of his kids he talks to me about a lot going on..I'm hearing from both her and my dad about their marital problems. I care for my step mom, shes been more like a mom to me then my real mom ever was, but she gets in these almost bi-polar moods...one day everything is good and the next day I'm getting nasty looks, be absolutely ignored, I'm excluded from most family dinners, and then my dad tells me later she was offended, hurt, or whatever because I wasn't doing enough, or "I made a face" that was like a "slap in the face" (i have no clue what shes talking about, since the only thing i may have done was made a confused "what the ****" look when she comes out and has the look of death on her own face and thats all I've been getting from her, for no reason.)

I'm just so overwhelmed, I walk on egg shells around here, cause I don't know what mood shes in, If I don't do everything (I guess in her mind)that I'm required to do then I'm not doing it right. On top of that I'm blamed for a lot of her stress and shes said it to my face, because they didn't expect me when I moved in...the way I'm seeing it, shes benefiting quite a bit from it...(as I pay her the 250, and electricity is usually 100 less, and shes saving her 100 from when she signed up for it). I'm 22, and they want to know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I'm with. (granted they're parents and want to be in my life, but I'm not a kid anymore, and I still have to let them know or ask them if I can go out)

I'm hoping to move up in the company within the next couple months, so I'll be making more money, but I don't know how much longer I can live here. Should I just suck it up, bend to her will, and stick it out till I'm making more money, or should i try and find a place to move into asap? Any advise?

*Extra note: its technically her house, even tho it "had" to be switched into my dads name after they got married. and the car she uses was "my" old car thats in my dads name...she has a broke down Nissan that just sits around.

[Leia]

Originally Posted by BigDreamer08

I'm hoping to move up in the company within the next couple months, so I'll be making more money, but I don't know how much longer I can live here. Should I just suck it up, bend to her will, and stick it out till I'm making more money, or should i try and find a place to move into asap? Any advise?

Do you have friends who you can stay with for the time being till you have enough money saved to move into your own place? You can maybe pay the same amount to your friend. Any of them know the situation you're in so that they can help you out?

[GPFan]

Be sure to find solid footing but do move out as soon as possible.

I don't see anything wrong with her requests for money and replacing food, after all you are an adult. Try to adopt an attitude of making the least waves possible as it is hard to adapt to having someone come live with you unexpectedly. Be grateful for everything they do provide.

When either one of them approaches you about their marital difficulties, it is OK to lend an ear. Do not express and opinion however -- just be there to allow venting in a nonjudgmental way. You may want to suggest they seek marital counselling from a qualified professional, you may also need to remind them that you are not that qualified professional.

Good luck and I wish you well.

[BigDreamer08]

Thanks for the advise. Its not that I disdain them, and I know I'd be putting out money anywhere else, and I understand my move back home was kinda of unexpected. Im grateful they allow me a place to live. I just feel so unappreciated solely by her, blamed for her stress and the fact that its causing the issues her and my father are having.
I have my own stress and struggles I'm going through and it just strains me even more when I'm putting in my share to help them out and getting nothing but a bitter shoulder from her. And it isnt that I want to run away from it all, I just need to fly the coop so to speak...Ive lived by myself before and I loved it.