This website is great. Ya'll have great advice. my Heart goes out to all broken hearts. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.... accept him. LOL
PS you have to see this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEqbQH0Pml4
watch all 5 stages its awesome!!!!!!!!
HEre is my story:
We became a couple in july '06 we moved in together sept 07 ....Thus ending the relationship. OF COURSE he became a different person. a shell of what he used to be, not loving or caring... I could tell this was the beginning of the end. He said that he 'tried' many times to make it work. but I never thought he put in too much effort. The change in our relationship caused me to latch onto him. I didn't want him to go anywere without me. I mean - he never did before, why now? It got to a point of fighting all the time, saying things will get better, then starting all over again. At one point it got a little physical one night when he wanted to leave and I was begging him to stay.
Then came the 'i dont love you anymore, feelings changed' era.
He moved out @ the end of march. He got to move in down the street from our apartment into a house! with his 3 best friends. Leaving Me lonely. he paid his share for rent so at least im not totally screwed. But I get so angry and frustrated at the fact that here he is - Happy as can Jolly be - with his friends and IM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am trying to get myself back, love myself, do what I want. But its hard. I feel like a failure.
After he moved out we both agreed to date. and try a fresh start. We'll I obviously didn't give him the 'fresh' he needed as I guess 'fresh' to him meant i only want to see you when I get done doing what I want
So I messed that up, cuz I wanted to see him - you see the only thing i ever did to this man is love him and want to share my world with him.
Now here we are today and now he wants to be just friends and says wait till I call you I ask him if its really over: (he says yes) cuz I still believe that He is just confused, Frustrated, and got scared of commitment --
Now that he moved out it went from - yea we will date - to lets be friends - to now he doesn't want anything to do with me. If only I would of given him his space to beging with!!!!!!! I just can't seem to stop buggin him. Calling, texting, dropping by -UNINVITED. I am a beautiful girl I am just having trouble with this.. its Consuming me.
AND WHATS WORSE is he is now starting to date an 18 yr old girl and he is 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! GROSS! huge REBOUND!
I tried to tell him he is making a HUGE mistake and that One day he will regret pushing me out like this - I am a firm believer in Karma and I truely feel one day he will come back to me
I just wish I could have left him be a long time ago, it wouldn't of been this way now. I told him to call me when he misses me - and he says very angerly "I'll call YOU!"
what do you think is there a chance what should I do?
Last edited by Krissyko; 7th May 2008 at 11:28 AM.
Yea your right. Im starting to kill it. This is why we broke up in the first place. Cuz I held on for dear life. But what about the other girl? do you think it will last?!??!
but you can't worry about that....it's out of your control
all you can do is control yourself...in other words...leave him be and work on your issues(self-estem, confidence...etc) and if he comes back...you will be different
This website is great. Ya'll have great advice. my Heart goes out to all broken hearts. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.... accept him. LOL
PS you have to see this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEqbQH0Pml4
watch all 5 stages its awesome!!!!!!!!
HEre is my story:
We became a couple in july '06 we moved in together sept 07 ....Thus ending the relationship. OF COURSE he became a different person. a shell of what he used to be, not loving or caring... I could tell this was the beginning of the end. He said that he 'tried' many times to make it work. but I never thought he put in too much effort. The change in our relationship caused me to latch onto him. I didn't want him to go anywere without me. I mean - he never did before, why now? It got to a point of fighting all the time, saying things will get better, then starting all over again. At one point it got a little physical one night when he wanted to leave and I was begging him to stay.
Then came the 'i dont love you anymore, feelings changed' era.
He moved out @ the end of march. He got to move in down the street from our apartment into a house! with his 3 best friends. Leaving Me lonely. he paid his share for rent so at least im not totally screwed. But I get so angry and frustrated at the fact that here he is - Happy as can Jolly be - with his friends and IM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am trying to get myself back, love myself, do what I want. But its hard. I feel like a failure.
After he moved out we both agreed to date. and try a fresh start. We'll I obviously didn't give him the 'fresh' he needed as I guess 'fresh' to him meant i only want to see you when I get done doing what I want
So I messed that up, cuz I wanted to see him - you see the only thing i ever did to this man is love him and want to share my world with him.
Now here we are today and now he wants to be just friends and says wait till I call you I ask him if its really over: (he says yes) cuz I still believe that He is just confused, Frustrated, and got scared of commitment --
Now that he moved out it went from - yea we will date - to lets be friends - to now he doesn't want anything to do with me. If only I would of given him his space to beging with!!!!!!! I just can't seem to stop buggin him. Calling, texting, dropping by -UNINVITED. I am a beautiful girl I am just having trouble with this.. its Consuming me.
AND WHATS WORSE is he is now starting to date an 18 yr old girl and he is 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! GROSS! huge REBOUND!
I tried to tell him he is making a HUGE mistake and that One day he will regret pushing me out like this - I am a firm believer in Karma and I truely feel one day he will come back to me
I just wish I could have left him be a long time ago, it wouldn't of been this way now. I told him to call me when he misses me - and he says very angerly "I'll call YOU!"
what do you think is there a chance what should I do?
I have been there and the best thing you can do is ....STOP!!! Dont call him, dont see him, dont argue, dont push....Just LET GO PERIOD. Sorry baby, I know that hurts but if you keep going there will be no way he will come back to you even as a friend cause you get on his nerves way too much.
Read below some advice that was given to me and It help me give in to the change in our relationship. This is from one LS member from your man's perspective
Be very careful thinking that friends means anything more. Try not to think about things too much and let things happen naturally.
The things you said reminded me a lot of my ex.
I think you may be reading a little too much into things. My ex made that mistake, and it frustrated me to no end. It also drove me further away. Another thing that irritated me was when he agreed to just be friends and then got mad at me for talking with other guys. No matter how many times or how many ways I tried to tell him we weren't together, he didn't get the point. The last time we talked, I had to tell him bluntly that there was no way we were getting back together ever, no matter what, and that I can't be friends with him when he's still only treating it as a temporary situation. I had to tell him that being friends didn't seem to be doing either of us any good.
Up to that point, I felt like there could have been a chance if he let go of me a little, went out and lived his life, let me grow and live mine, and in the process happened to change the things that I didn't want in a relationship. If he'd done that, maybe our paths would have led us back together one day. But since he kept pushing and wouldn't give me space, he forced me to make that final decision. Sometimes I think about him and I miss him, but it's hard to even think about taking him back after all that.
Don't let that happen to you. Imposing yourself in her life isn't going to get her to take you back. The only way you're going to do that is to live your life and let her live hers, but be friendly to her when she seeks you out.
You see what I mean....you have to let go. One more for you below from another LS member
i know you really wanted to get back, i mean, to be lovers again with your ex. its possible.. i am also in the same situation as you, i also want my man to get back to me not "being friends" but "being lovers" again.
and like you, it's killing me also everyday.
do you really "love" her? because if you do, then set her free. isn't it that if you really love the person you have to see what is best for them. Think of what is best for your loved one. What does she most need right now?
Or maybe you just want her back because you just want to easen the pain that you felt. Are you think more of your welfare or hers?
it is possible that you may get back together. lovers, friends, lovers, yep it is possible. i have heard countless of stories about that...
if you really want to get back with her, don't let her know that you need her desperately, that you are begging to get back with her.. it does not look good. just keep it to yourself.
just be her friend for awhile, if that is what she needs now. but if you can't hold on to being "friends"with her, walk away. someone told me that, and i think it is a good advice. walk away... if you must. let your heart heal. time heals all wounds. let it heal for awhile.
Trust me, it is best. I was somewhat similar in that I wanted to cling and call. I did not go too far before I found out that not to do that. I know exactly how you feel CAUSE i want my ex back too. I think I have a better chance by not chasing, crying, and calling him. he needs to miss you and have time to think about you and you are not giving him that space to do that. Let him know you are going to accept his decision and leave it like that. Try not to cry or sound weak. But dont call him.
But follow the advice given and you will be better off. If you need to talk, you are welcome to contact me any any time cause I know how it feels to love someone and lose them. Very painful but you have to let them go. Maybe they will come back but you cant bank on that unfortunately.
Last edited by 9Lives; 7th May 2008 at 4:34 PM.
Reason: need to add more
yea but can you believe an 18yr old?!?!?!? Its one of his younger sister's friends...she is 18 also. He doesn't know this girl from adam really. I kinda think its just to force me to back off. cuz this seems like a really BAD rebound!!!!!!!! He obviously doesn't know what he wants if he is inviting this into his life.
yea but can you believe an 18yr old?!?!?!? Its one of his younger sister's friends...she is 18 also. He doesn't know this girl from adam really. I kinda think its just to force me to back off. cuz this seems like a really BAD rebound!!!!!!!! He obviously doesn't know what he wants if he is inviting this into his life.
First of all, you are focusing on the wrong thing.
2ndly, she is the rebound b/ich...so dont even worry. That will play out sooner than you think.
Just focus on getting your mind right and your emotions under control.
First of all, you are focusing on the wrong thing.
2ndly, she is the rebound b/ich...so dont even worry. That will play out sooner than you think.
Just focus on getting your mind right and your emotions under control.
This. More than anything, this.
You cannot show him how much this has affected you. You don't want to boost his ego.
Just as most who has responded so far has said. If you want a chance for him to come back to you, let him go. The irony of things...
I wasn't okay when Lawrence tried so hard to still stay friends with me. Not going to lie, even my friends wondered about the effort he put in. But it wasn't working out because I love him and because he sees me as a friend. Unrequited love and all that. So I had to let him go. Made him mad, hurt him probably, but... it's not how he feels, it's about how I'm going to heal.
So you should focus on your healing, too. For most of us here on LS, letting go is our struggle; from dumpees and even dumpers alike. We never know what life's going to throw at us and perhaps, we might meet the ones we love again someday. But we can't base our decisions for that end.
Take care of yourself, ok?
__________________
Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears. - Greg
"With every goodbye you learn" - Veronica Shoffstall
Be still, and know that I am God. - Psalm 46:10
You cannot show him how much this has affected you. You don't want to boost his ego.
Just as most who has responded so far has said. If you want a chance for him to come back to you, let him go. The irony of things...
I wasn't okay when Lawrence tried so hard to still stay friends with me. Not going to lie, even my friends wondered about the effort he put in. But it wasn't working out because I love him and because he sees me as a friend. Unrequited love and all that. So I had to let him go. Made him mad, hurt him probably, but... it's not how he feels, it's about how I'm going to heal.
So you should focus on your healing, too. For most of us here on LS, letting go is our struggle; from dumpees and even dumpers alike. We never know what life's going to throw at us and perhaps, we might meet the ones we love again someday. But we can't base our decisions for that end.
Take care of yourself, ok?
Well said...this is GREAT advice. Speaking from someone who is smack dead in the mix of doing this right now. It is hard. I saw him today and we didnt even speak to each other. I just kept doing what I was doing and he did the same. You have to let go and that your best choice if you cant handle the friendship thing.
You need to hear it right and you need to hear it straight. Get over him and move on. He's obviously had, thats why he said those things. Guys don't just say they don't love you for no reason. Women want to "read" behind this msg, but AFAIK, they mean precisely that. They don't love you anymore. He's obviously moved on, whether or not it was a rebound thing.
You are really naive to think that time and distance will make him miss you and make him think of you and make him want to get back with you. They won't. If anything time and distance will make any feelings less strong, and he'll be able to carry on with normal life just as before. Don't be silly and stupid and wait for him to change his mind because its likely that you are waiting for a lost cause.
I might be sounding harsh. But its the reality. And for me, I am needing to come to terms with this reality as well. I know exactly how you are feeling. It is stupid to hope that one day he might realise his mistake and change his mind. HE WON'T. Guys are not like that. Move on sis!
Oh and one more thing. If I were you, I'd really move out the area once your contract ends. There's really no need for you to have to endure the pain of seeing him everyday and constantly reminded of how much he hurt you and how much you want him. You need to cut him out your life completely for the while to help you heal faster. If you are doing things, do it for yourself and not do it because you want him to notice you or make him jealous and would want to have you back. Thats the wrong way to do things, and it will only make it harder when your "ulterior motives" behind your actions are not having an effect on him. Seriously. I really understand.
If you're wanting to remain friends. Nows not the time. You need to get away. Give YOURself time and space. Maybe in the future you guys could be friends, but in reality, how can you be friends with someone who you were so close to before, or someone who hurt you so much? You have plenty of other friends to hang out with and share thoughts with.
You need to hear it right and you need to hear it straight. Get over him and move on. He's obviously had, thats why he said those things. Guys don't just say they don't love you for no reason. Women want to "read" behind this msg, but AFAIK, they mean precisely that. They don't love you anymore. He's obviously moved on, whether or not it was a rebound thing.
You are really naive to think that time and distance will make him miss you and make him think of you and make him want to get back with you. They won't. If anything time and distance will make any feelings less strong, and he'll be able to carry on with normal life just as before. Don't be silly and stupid and wait for him to change his mind because its likely that you are waiting for a lost cause.
I might be sounding harsh. But its the reality. And for me, I am needing to come to terms with this reality as well. I know exactly how you are feeling. It is stupid to hope that one day he might realise his mistake and change his mind. HE WON'T. Guys are not like that. Move on sis!
I appriciate your advice. But I truely believe in Karma, and there was a long time where he was crazy about me. and the only thing i ever did "wrong' was love him more than myself and cling for dear life when he started to back away. I was a great girlfriend and I firmly believe - Like most of my X's have - that he will come crawling back. I just need to take time out. He already knows how i feel. He has told me before to give him the chance to miss me. That is an opportunity that I have not been able to give him out of heart-ache. And if it doesn't work the way I am hoping. Then it doesn't. but right now I cannot move on- and I believe once he feels a total change that it will be better for the both of us, reguardless of the way it works out.
I feel much better today BTW, I have been breaking habbits!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
AND WHATS WORSE is he is now starting to date an 18 yr old girl and he is 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! GROSS! huge REBOUND!
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