[Magnatolia]

Ladies, if I encounter a woman in a particular situation, say at a party or other social event, or someone I work directly with, my outgoing conversationalist side comes out. I can talk to a group or one-on-one and some girls have told me that I'm an excellent conversationalist and listener. But I feel really awkward in situations where I have to/want to approach a woman. Say a woman in the office that I have no relation with (she might work in a different department) or in public on a train or whatever. I'll use the train as an example. Most people go into themselves (read a book, mull, look out the window, music etc) so when they catch me looking they look away (then I don't know if they're being shy or just not interested). So ladies, if you were in this situation, what would you do? What should I do/change about the way I come across? I personally think that I also tend to become very emotionless (like I find it really hard to smile at a stranger whether it's an attractive lady or even just random person). Thanks for any and all advice!

[ElvenPriestess]

That's a very broad topic. But as a woman, if a man looks at me, I look back if I find him attractive as well. And if he keeps looking we will talk. My point here is be confident. We women find certain confident points attractive. And if it doesn't hit the first time, so what. There's the next. Don't be discouraged. Experience gives you knowledge. But take it from me, stay forward. Make yourself known. I hope that helps.

Might I assume you're shy when you find some one attractive?

[Magnatolia]

I guess my problem is I don't like to do something that's completely obvious like when she looks back go over and say hi.

When I look if they look away, I assume it's disinterest whereas they could be shy. Although I've come to a conclusion that if they look straight to the side they're not interested. And if they look away at an angle it could be shyness. Does that sound right?

Yeah I am. Once the conversation gets started I'm fine. I'm not one of those shy people who is boring to talk to or stutters etc. It's the just the initial 'is she interested' period.

For example I've been introduced to gorgeous women before through friends and I have no problem talking to them. In fact I had a several-hour long conversation with one such person.

I guess I wait for some kind of 'signal' to indicate actual interest. So I'll scan around to see who is attractive and then if we exchange looks or she looks away I keep an eye out to see if I can catch her eye again. At least that's my logic (not very logical I know as this most likely comes across as a weird guy staring at her).

I find that I don't know what to say to strike a conversation as I don't know anything about the person. For example it can be very easy to get into an 'interview' style interaction while I'm trying to find a topic they have an interest in.

Any suggestions? Past successfull encounters that you ladies can point out some good advice etc.

Thanks

[ElvenPriestess]

Ok, a few things. One, you need to RELAX. Things are easier to deal with if you relax. As far as women looking away, well much of the time they're worried about the same stuff you are. And that's why they look away. Other times, it's a game. Yes, I know, games suck, and I don't like them, but sad to say many women play them. So don't take them looking away as a bad thing right off the bat.

I've been to parties and things where guys talk to me, and here's what I've found works on me. The guy who acts like an idiot, staring places he shouldn't, and being disrespectful or a horndog, yeah that's not good. Instant "no" right there.

But if a guy comes up to me, says he noticed me from across the way, introduces himself to me? That's classy enough for me. Then just go with the flow. "You like the music that's playing?" "What are you drinking right now?" I love your dress, that color compliments you." You get the idea right? That stuff is good, just be respectful but natural, no expectations, no strings. And stay relaxed.

And when you worry "is she interested" and it starts to interfere with those good conversations, well don't let it, put it aside, and if you HAVE to know, wait for an opening. Wait for a pause in the conversation and pop the "You busy Friday night?" question, or however you'd word it.

The guys I've always been attracted to are the ones who know how to respect a girl right off, who hold a good conversation, and once we start getting along, they ask for the date. Simple, yet effective.