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Guy who lost his virginity 3-4 years ago, haven't had sex since
OK - first of all I'm a guy and I lost my virginity a long time ago (3-4 years ago). I had a one night stand and I honestly think that may be punishing me for it. I haven't had sex since that night shortly after I turned 18. Actually, I've turned it down a few times (other one night stand opportunities.) I haven't been in a relationship since high school and the one I had back then was with a girl that took advantage of my trust and cheated on me (we never had sex.) After that I started partying a lot and my life kind of went down hill in that department.
Now I'm 21 and I guess I just consider myself inexperienced sexually. I haven't even kissed a girl in years! I guess this is a really weird situation and I'm not really sure what to think about it. I was, at one point in my life on the track to being like everyone else, but obviously that didn't work out.
I'm really not bad at talking to women. I flirt with them all the time and I've read all kinds of books on the topic, yet they still haven't helped my life. I think part of the reason is that I really want a relationship, but then again I don't know if I want to wait to have sex with someone I like. 40-year-old virgin really discouraged when the guy says "You don't want to wait to have sex with someone you like because you'll be really bad at sex the first time you do it"
I actually just started talking to a girl that I used to love back in high school. Anyway, I talked to her for awhile on the phone and I haven't talked to her in years. I used to like her a lot, but I lied to her back then and told her I wasn't a virgin. Now, I'm insecure because I might start to hang out with her again and I'll have to tell her the truth, unfortunately.
Anyway, I just wanted to get this out there and see what everyone's opinion on it is. I've made some mistakes in my life, but I'm a different, more mature person now and I really could use some help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Wow. I don't think I'll ever understand why there are such different standards for men as opposed to women when it comes to sexual experience. If guys hold out and don't get "experienced," there is something wrong with them. If girls get experienced, they're loose.
Seriously, if I were around your age and got involved with you and you told me what you just said, it wouldn't be a big deal to me if I really liked you. It shouldn't matter to the type of person you'd want to get involved with.
And I disagree with the line from the 40-year-old Virgin. I love that movie, so I know the exact line you're talking about... "hood rats..." LOL But I don't feel it's true that you should get it on with a bunch of chicks first just to say you have experience. There's no point to that and I would think it would just make you feel cheap (again - different standards for girls as opposed to guys, maybe).
I agree with Soulsearch...I am feel really bad about my sex life, I have had sex with women I should of just because my animal need wanted it. The three girlfriends I had sex with never lasted. Two I lost contact with once the relationship went long distance and my first dumped me because her best friend who was dating my cousin told her to. Now I have cravings I want that makes it harder for me to want to practice abstinence, but I will give my all to do so. I feel kind of dirty and a bit of a let down because I had a goal and a plan for my sex life.
Let me tell you something about sexual experience...There is no such thing. How do I know? My first time I had my first girlfriend climbing the walls and wondering if she was suppose to be having certain physical reactions. And I had to swear to her that I was a virgin. If you know something about the female base sexual map, you have 1/4 the situation down. Next is learning some special tricks and techniques that takes care of another 1/4. Confidence is another 1/4. and last, but most important, being in synch with your partner in kind 1/4. When these three things are in place, it does not matter how long you go without, you will still have it.
You should change your perspective on life. You’re to focused on sex and experience and use it as a way to discount yourself. View world in a new light, don’t be afraid to put yourself on the line with some one and touch them, and I’m not talking about sex.
My superordinate philosophy is that, when it comes to sex, he has to do what feels right to him. If you want to have sex, you should feel comfortable doing so. If you don't, you should feel comfortable not having sex -- whatever the reason may be.
That said, my own personal belief is, I think a person should have sex with someone he is really into on all levels. Anything short of that is just getting off with a partner, and there's a difference between that and getting it on with someone you're really into. At the same time, if the urge strikes, and you're feeling that it's time to have some fun in the sack, I can't see a reason not to. Just take responsibility for your actions.
__________________ Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed
Focus on other things. There is more to life than sex. Pick up some other interests. Learn new things. Read some books. You could even read some books/articles about sexual technique. I knew far more about sex the first time than I should have as a "virgin" because I had done a lot of reading.
But girls like to be able to have a conversation with a guy and if you have other interests/thoughts in your mind other than sex, it makes GETTING to the sex easier. Pick up some classes towards a degree/certificate. Pick up hiking, biking, running, anything...
I just don't think it's necessary to dwell so much on the sex thing. TRUST ME that when you're in the heady moment of it, everything falls into place just fine.
No worries. I was a virgin until I was 35. What it made me was uninhibited as well as comfortable being physically affectionate outside the bedroom without any sexual expectations. Never did make love with my soulmate, but we're not dead yet
Seriously, OP, be and act in a way that's satisfying to you. The important thing with ladies is that they sense you desire them sexually, even if you don't immediately act on it. If you sense mutual chemistry and attraction, act on it. Women like being touched, held and kissed by someone they're attracted to. Don't grope them I personally like giving back rubs, massaging feet and stroking hair. That can be very erotic...
Focus on other things. There is more to life than sex. Pick up some other interests. Learn new things. Read some books. You could even read some books/articles about sexual technique. I knew far more about sex the first time than I should have as a "virgin" because I had done a lot of reading.
But girls like to be able to have a conversation with a guy and if you have other interests/thoughts in your mind other than sex, it makes GETTING to the sex easier. Pick up some classes towards a degree/certificate. Pick up hiking, biking, running, anything...
I just don't think it's necessary to dwell so much on the sex thing. TRUST ME that when you're in the heady moment of it, everything falls into place just fine.
You have a really good outlook on life. Thanks for all your good advice. It makes me feel better because I'm already doing most of those things. I'm just going to do what you said and wait for things to fall in place. I have to work on my patients.
I think it means try to not focus on the sex part when your with your women, rather let it add texture to your feeling of well-being when with her. Let it inspire you to do and be more than you might otherwise. Such is almost like an altered state of existence.
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I personally like giving back rubs, massaging feet and stroking hair. That can be very erotic...
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