This is day 5 of NC with my ex MM (whom I was engaged to and found out he was STILL married two days before the date). You can check my "lonely after breakup with MM" for entire story. Well, I definitely have my "up" moments, which are almost the entire day, while I'm at work usually. Here and there I get a knot in my throat, but overall I am OK. However, once I get home it's a diferent story. My bedroom still smells of him, and everthing else in my house does too, for that matter. He lied to me so bad, why is it that I still have these feelings of longing for him? I definitely know it's over for the best, and I will look forward to my future without him. I sit and think, I am so glad it's over, no more "why isnt he answering his phone?", or, "I wonder why hes late". It's all about me now, but the fact that I will be alone from now on scares me. How weak am I??! I was an idiot for a scumbag, and now..I hurt for him. God, I sure as heck would not want to be in that relationship again but i sure wish there was a faster way to get over our R, if thats what you would call it at all.
It is time to invest in some scented candles and some Febreeze. If your stuff smells like him after a week, then he either needs to shower more or cut back on his aftershave.
How in the world did you handle the logistics of calling off a wedding two days prior? That boggles my mind! You must have lost a ****load of cash, too. I hope that you have eBayed all the wedding stuff that you have sitting around; I found a box of stuff in the attic the other day from my wedding and tossed it!
NC sucks, but it sucks better than being an OW when you want something "real". I am with you on the journey!
Gotta agree with Lucky One on this...candles, Febreeze...maybe burn off some of your stress energy by doing a complete rearranging of your house so that you're not reminded of the past...kind of a "new start" sort of thing?
If you're one of those people who's sense of scent is very strong and triggers a lot of memories (I know people like this), then consider changing your shampoo/conditioner/bodywash as well...so that it doesn't trigger any memories of him/you two together as well.
Give yourself a fresh start in other areas too...start throwing your energy into something new, or something old that you did BEFORE you met him...an old hobby, or a new one.
Its time to start a new phase in your life...let everything reflect that. Get rid of the 'triggers', and start making new memories instead.
Make sense?
__________________
Wise...no. Been through enough to have learned to value wisdom...certainly!
If you're one of those people who's sense of scent is very strong and triggers a lot of memories (I know people like this), then consider changing your shampoo/conditioner/bodywash as well...so that it doesn't trigger any memories of him/you two together as well.
Hmm - isn't that funny how that works? I discovered that MM and my son have very similar tastes (so their socks and underwear always get mixed up in the laundry ) and so often I'll smell something that hits me in the pit of the stomach, when MM is not around, and then I'll realise, oh, it's my son's shave foam (the same brand, and scent, MM uses) or shampoo or whatever. Pretty hard to get around that sometimes!
Lsd I'm not saying DON'T do what the others suggested - you may feel better for it, though you may also initially feel a lot worse - but I'd suggest that you get out more. Your house smelling of him will fade, but it's still the same house and will still contain the same memories, whereas if you're out and about making new memories (with new people, or just getting to know and enjoying yourself again) then that will matter less. Come home when you're really tired, ready to pass out, and you'll hardly notice the scents and memories, and your head will be jammed full of new experiences edging the old ones out a little.
He lied to you, that's a comment on him as a person not on you, it shouldn't be that you have to erase him from your life like an embarrassing mistake. Mourn him openly - you lost a loved one, the same way imstunned did - and allow yourself the space and time to grieve if you require. But claim your life back, making the new life even better than the old one, and let him feel the loss of what HE missed out on in handling things as he did.
I know all of I guys are right on target. If I am out and about usually I feel ok. Now I need to find things to do to keep my mind busy and off of him. I am a student working on my bachelor degree but because of his hospital stay I dropped this quarter, so I know I'll be busy in june. You are all right. I'm going back to the gym as i was doing before and lose the 10lb I gained during our R. I know what u mean about the shampoo as well. Got a lot of stuff to get done now. This is more support than anyone can imagine.
... He lied to me so bad, why is it that I still have these feelings of longing for him? I definitely know it's over for the best, and I will look forward to my future without him. I sit and think, I am so glad it's over, no more "why isnt he answering his phone?", or, "I wonder why hes late". It's all about me now, but the fact that I will be alone from now on scares me. How weak am I??! I was an idiot...
First of all, your posts are too full with 'I am an idiot!' and that's just not right. You were taken in by a con-man and that happens to a lot of good, intelligent people. So stop beating yourself up about what this all says about you: it says far more about HIM.
You have to start saying good things about yourself to yourself. All this negative self-talk is really just self-defeating. HE was the a-hole, and you are a perfectly lovely individual who was wrong-footed: happens to all of us at some point!
Secondly, you have to just accept that this grieving and getting over it is going to take some time. Of course you still feel this way! You've had a nasty experience, and on top of that you have to grieve the future you thought you had planned. Be a little kinder on yourself, LSD. Everything you're feeling is natural, and normal and OK. ((( hugs )))
And congrats on the 5 or 6 or maybe its a week almost days of NC!
__________________
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." ~ H. G. Wells
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
) and so often I'll smell something that hits me in the pit of the stomach, when MM is not around, and then I'll realise, oh, it's my son's shave foam (the same brand, and scent, MM uses) or shampoo or whatever. Pretty hard to get around that sometimes!
Linear Mode
