[ERIC_H]

I need to know if I am truly at fault for this. Ladies it would help me for your input on this. I go back and forth.
I wont explain everything again. I have a few posts up that could easily explain this situation.

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a month and a half ago. It litterally came out of nowhere. She says that she feels suffocated, that I have been over protective and controlling. She says that I have been that way for the last few months. And that she says she doesnt love me anymore, she says she has felt that way for a little bit(confusing to me, and ill explain why) She said in the beginning she needed time.

When I look back on it, I can see how I was over protective at times. It was because of something that happened to her. Long story short a guy walks into her work and tells her to do sexual things to him and leaves. And he follows her to her car and leaves. She was alone. So of course I was scared, and without knowing it I would get that way sometimes.
Controlling I was never. Possessive I was at times. Becuase of something she did before. I never ment to, but I just never wanted to lose her. OR be hurt that way again. However when I would do those things I never knew. And she wouldnt tell me about it until she was already completely upset and flip on me.

However over the last month I have been working on myself. Im getting back to being how I was before. The guy she fell in love with. At first through the break up she NEVER talked to me the first couple weeks. But over the last few weeks she has been texting me asking how Im doing. How ive been, small talk like that. We would see each other between our college classes and she would smile when she would see me. Sneak up behind me and cover my eyes. I enjoyed every minute because I was with her.

Things became confusing for me. One moment she would say she didnt want to see me or talk to me at all, because she was sick of missing us. The next day she would get upset for me not texting her back. Other than these few things I was a great boyfriend. I did everything for her. I was always there, I tried to provide what she needed. I put her in front of everything. I would always listen to her. I sacrificed things for her. I was and still am deeply in love with her. We would talk about getting married. Having kids. She would tell me how she would dream about us with our child. She would always say I was the man of her dreams, that she would always love me, She for our first christmas gotten me a ring with an engraving saying "i will always love you". and a watch this last christmas saying "my one and only forever". She would talk about what kind of dog we would have. She wanted to look at apartments. Even the night before we broke up she said we needed to get season tickets for our hockey team after going to a game. She would tell me she loved me and everything up until the day we broke up, but she says she doesnt love me now?

I admit I made mistakes. There were legit reasons, whether it was right or wrong that I did them. There are other things that I believe influenced her and she doesnt know it. Her mom would always get on HER case about insignificant things about me. And eventually she would listen to her. However I have worked on myself, and I know I can do things better PERMANENTLY.

There have been a few confusing things during our break up. Obviously her kissing me. Twice. She out of nowhere asked "Would you ever do anything to hurt me?". Which completely took me back. The other day she was talking to me and said she was talking to old friends and one was helping her meet new people and helping her get over the break up. After a month and a half of breaking up with me she is still trying to get over it?

One last factor, is that she just texted me the other night (I didnt respond yet) saying she was accepted to NAU. She said she wished me luck in everything, and says she hopes it works out for the best. And that she doubts she'll see me soon, cause school is about out. And that she might go to NAU this next semester. And that she says Im a great guy. I talked to a married couple I trust and they think she's trying to play more games with me. And get a response out of me. I kind of agree, cause she wouldnt be leaving for 3 months IF she ends up going. So I could see her any time.

But what do you guys think? Am I truly responsible for everything? Do I have any chance? It seems as though she has been going back and forth. Even if she went up to NAU, Im a two hour drive away and more than willing to make the trip. I havent initiated any of our conversations. At all. She has been since we started talking again. And why would she ask me those things and say those things to me?

[ERIC_H]

Another thing that I NEVER even thought to mention. Ladies you would know best on this one (no offense).

She takes birth control. Before there were some side effects like with mood and things like that. However, she was randomly switched to another kind of birth control( I dont remember what kind, I think YAZ? maybe). But ever since she was switched on that she was different. No sex drive at all. Would be distant. She would be more upset about random things than usual. Very moody, almost to the point of depression. And the ironic thing is that when she was switched to this is the SAME exact time she said she was feeling different about me. AND the same EXACT time our sexual relationship started growing more distant. Before it was amazing and spontaneous and great.

Do you think this really might have to do with this? And if so is there a way I could bring this up, letting her know that this could be the reason youre so upset over things like that.

Ive read other posts of guys in relationships as amazing as ours, then going on or switching to birth control and having her change.

[Gunny376]

I put her in front of everything. I would always listen to her. I sacrificed things for her.

That was your first mistake!

Come-on your on the front side of twenty, these are some of the best years of your life! The last thing that you should be thinking about is any one woman!

[SoulSearch_CO]

Uhhhh...I am really confused. Can you expound on the situation with the guy at her work?? Was this just some random stranger that walked in to her work? Why was she alone? What kind of work does she do? So were you saying she was sexually assaulted? Or this was somebody she knew that maybe she did things she shouldn't have done (but was not really forced)? I am really confused on that situation.

So your trust with her was broken because she was sexually assaulted and she also "did something" (could you be a little more vague?) in her past that broke your trust.

It's hard to gauge the situation as far as who was at fault when you are really vague about who did what. You say you were possessive...what did you do, exactly? Her mother criticized you for certain behaviors...what, exactly?

The only thing I can make a grounded comment on is the text message. Been in similar situations...she's trying to get a rise out of you. I think she gets a kick out of the fact that you still care about her and she's having a hard time letting go of that. Some people are love-addicts. Based on her behavior, I'm not sure I'd want to be in relationship with her - she seems like a game-player.

[ERIC_H]

Okay Ill try to explain that situation better.
At times she has to close the store where she works alone. She works at a jewelry repair store. Its inside of a mall. I have heard a lot of stories of people being attacked and followed and things like that, so i was already a little protective and worried, nothing big. She didnt care, she said she was a "big girl".
One night I was away, and she said that about 15 minutes before she was closing some weird guy walked in. Started talking to her. He might have been drunk. He asked her how much something would cost, and he said well why dont I let you suck on my #### instead, and we'll call it even. He said some other things, and ended up leaving. Why she didnt call security I dont know. But she was leaving the mall and she said he was standing outside. And i guess he followed her for a few minutes and left saying ill be back. Or something like that.

I didnt find out until later that night. Of course I was scared. But more i felt helpless almost, knowing that something was there and couldve happend. And i freaked out. And so subconsciously whenever something wouldnt seem right, I would get over protective at times. Most of it though wasnt big stuff, like i would go to her work when she would close by herself and just walk her to her car. things like that. but after a bit she said it was suffocating her? and that shes a big girl and can take care of herself. Which to me is the dumbest thing, because things happen unfortunatly.

Now about what hurt me. We started to become an official couple at the beginning of our senior year of high school. She was still talking to some guys, which I had hoped would fade away the more we were together. However there was one guy she kept talking to on myspace and texting and things like that, that she use to like. I guess in order to make a long story short, I found out through reading her myspace that she was going to our senior homecoming with that guy. She went behind my back and planned everything with him. It broke my heart. this was all the week before the actual dance. I was even at the mall and ran into them shopping together for his tie. Im sure many people reading this will say this is small, but to me it broke my heart. Thinking she chose another guy before me. After everything she said she regretted it. And i ended up forgiving her. and giving us a chance. She said she would never hurt me again. it took some time, but I ended up letting it go.
However something happened that made me revisit those memories. At her work some guy was hired, nothing big. she said she didnt like him, he was annoying and stupid. After a while though, he ended up getting her cell number from the employee number list. And started texting her. I never liked him, in fact I hated him. At first she would tell me about things he would do or say to her. Over time though it that stopped, however i knew he didnt. She would always tell me they wouldnt text, or talk, or werent friends. however on different occasions i would walk into her work and every time they would be next to each other talking. On different occasions I caught them texting each other. And found out the had talked for a few minutes on the phone. All of this brought back memories from the other incident. Eventually he was fired, and at one point we were shopping, and it was brought up. And she said "dont worry, we arent friends anymore". i just changed the subject because that comment bothered me. During that time period I became a little possessive, because I didnt want to lose her. More importnantly i didnt want to be hurt again. After that was over, I cant really see any times when I was possessive though.

[Order & Chaos]

Eric,

My heart is with you as I met my husband my senior year in high school but you guys are just kids and need to find yourselves. I know it is hard but you really need to work on who you are, what makes you who you are at the core, and focus less on your relationship.

Being together at such an early age is doable but it is a VERY tough road to walk. Having been in your shoes, let her go. If you guys are meant to be you will be. Please go out and live your life, develop yourself, and then you can come back to the table with something substantial. It is so hard to grow up and doing that tied to someone.

I don't advocate it to anyone having lived it. It hurts but there is so much life out there for you, so many things to do, people to discover. Live and then decide where you are at.

[MissXena]

Originally Posted by ERIC_H

But what do you guys think? Am I truly responsible for everything? Do I have any chance? It seems as though she has been going back and forth. Even if she went up to NAU, Im a two hour drive away and more than willing to make the trip. I havent initiated any of our conversations. At all. She has been since we started talking again. And why would she ask me those things and say those things to me?

Hi Eric, I'm sorry for your pain. Reading only this thread, and not others you have spoken of, *I* feel smothered. I believe your gal is giving you mixed messages because she is equally confused about the situation. She loves you but doesn't like your behavior. The situation at the mall with the creepy guy. Had I been in that situation I believe I would have phoned Security and gotten an escort to my car. But, I wasn't there, your gal was and she made a decision she felt comfortable making in the moment. You were frightened by the story and felt helpless and decided to take it upon yourself to "protect" her by meeting her and taking her home every day. That sends a message to her that you don't believe she exercises good judgment and that she is incapable of taking care of herself; a much different message than what you think it sends.

From what I have read, of course it is all one-sided, I believe she does love you a lot but doesn't know how, or is afraid to, talk to you directly about how she feels. She is contacting you now because you are giving her the space she felt she was lacking when you were "escorting" her from her workplace. The "other" guy. Honestly, I believe she was using that as a method of communication, rudimentary as it is, that she is unhappy in the relationship. You know, make it bad for you so you break up with her and she is off the hook - she sees it as "saving" you from the hurt of her breaking up with her; immature as it is. The birth control? My experience with BC is irrelevant given the timeframe. I wouldn't completely rule it out but, I wouldn't completely rule it in, either. It MAY be a factor but doesn't encompass the entire situation.

I agree with Order & Chaos, it is a bit early in your lifetime to be putting all your eggs in one basket. Learn your lessons and take them forward into your future relationships. Remember, loving someone doesn't necessarily make them the best choice in mates.

Best wishes to you.

[ERIC_H]

The thing is that yes I love her. More than anything. I mean I would do everything I could for her. Yes we are both young. However, I dont care really if I am young. I had found the woman that I truly wanted to spend my life with. The confusing part is that she said that that's what she wanted as well. She would say it more than me. I know who I am, what kind of person I am. I made a few mistakes out of something's that happened. Its not like I have been like this the whole time we were together. It has been over the last few months of our 2 year relationship. Its not the kind of person I am, and I have worked on those aspects of my life. I know I could do things better, and be who I was before.
All through high school I hung out with friends, and had fun. At the same time I grew up with her. She was growing into being the biggest part of my life, and towards the end of high school is when we came together as a couple. Im not the kind of person that wants a relationship to mess around, nor do I want to be in a ton of relationships. I use it to find my wife. And I honestly believed and wanted it to be her. Shes everything I want in my wife.

the thing is that I believe she is confused. She talking to and getting advice from friends about this. But none of them know everything we've been through, nor have they heard anything from me about what is going on. So the advice isnt right or fair at all. Through her actions since we have been apart I believe she is confused. I also feel that she still loves and cares about me. I really do. We have done, and shared, and experienced everything together. I just dont know what to do, what to say, or how to say it.

[TrustInYourself]

I'm going to be a bit blunt with you, Eric. You're young. You're naive. Go live life a bit. Crazy girls playing head games are not to be trusted.