Hello. I'm new here. I came across this site and thought I might get some good advice here. Ok here's my story....my husband of 6 yrs (together 8) told me he wants a divorce back in Feb. out of nowhere. I was on my last week of maternity leave at the time with our 2nd child. I asked him what this was about and he gave me a bunch of lame excuses. Well, it didn't take long to discover that there was someone else. But, it's WHO that shocked me. One of his best friends,Mark, died tragically last June in a motorcycle accident and was engaged at the time. My husband is in the military and attended the funeral as an escort. While there, got to know the family and friends and gave them all his contact info in case they needed anything. His friend's parents as well as the fiance kept in touch and I never thought anything of it. She would call here & there and see how things were going. I had no reason to be jealous or suspect anything. Well, shortly after my hubby said he wants a divorce he revealed that they have fallen in love and want to be together. He told me that once our divorce is final, they are going to get married and start their own family. My confusion/question is this...can something like this really work out and last? This relationship seems wrong on so many levels. I don't think she has had ample time to grive the death of Mark and is using my husband as some type of replacement. Mark died June 8, 2007, they were supposed to be married at the end of June. And then by Feb 08 she's ready to begin a relationship w/my husband. It just doesn't make sense how something like this could ever work out?! Please provide some advice. Thank you.
now this is a guess. I'm not a professional, but I've seen this happen before.
When 2 people grieve a death together, it forms one hell of a bond between them. Ever see recently widowed people get together? Ever hear of someone re-marrying what seems like incredibly soon after the death of their spouse?
This is how it happens.
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can something like this really work out and last?
Yes it can. Of course you don't really know if it will or not.
I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I sincerely hope someone with more marriage experience comes along here and sees your post.
__________________ "How could this love, ever turning, never turn it's eye on me.
How could this love, ever changing, never change the way I feel."
Well, shortly after my hubby said he wants a divorce he revealed that they have fallen in love and want to be together. He told me that once our divorce is final, they are going to get married and start their own family.
What a horrible thing for him to say. Makes sounds like he doesn't want a family with your and wants a new one with some chick. I'd tag his a** with child support and whatever else but that's just me.
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My confusion/question is this...can something like this really work out and last? This relationship seems wrong on so many levels. I don't think she has had ample time to grive the death of Mark and is using my husband as some type of replacement. Mark died June 8, 2007, they were supposed to be married at the end of June. And then by Feb 08 she's ready to begin a relationship w/my husband. It just doesn't make sense how something like this could ever work out?! Please provide some advice. Thank you.
I not going to say it's not because anything can work out if two people are committed.
Sounds like she found someone for emotional support, he found whatever he was looking for, they connected, and the affair started. Perhaps she was already attached to your H before, don't know but I'm sure others will chime in here.
I guess the only thing I can suggest is to contact a Lawyer and see where you stand. I'm sorry your H is putting you through this.
You know, whether something like this works or not is the least of your worries. The one thing that is clear is that he wants out, and you should afford him just that. He is turning his back on his wife and his kids, and for him, you should feel no love. What a selfish thing to do! Let him go. You will be better off alone or with someone else. I know it's hard, but it will be the right thing. Don't worry about his and his lady to be's future because you have yours to worry about.
Something is going on inside him that switched his affections. It sounds like a stray cat issue.
The stray cat/dog or other animal those of us animal lovers take in despite the fact we shouldn't and wind up not being able to get rid of them when we want to.
He has a big heart and a weakness to a damsel in destress. He feels like he would be doing the right thing by leaving you and taking on this needy woman. He has a twisted (not necessarily bad) sense of duty and what he should do as a man. He is failing to see where his true responsibilities and loyalties and help should lie.
Now I say this. IF you love him, you fight for him right now and until he at least can give you clear, precise, and logical explanation as to why YOU should divorce him. I am serious, don't sign any papers until you two get help. Until you two can talk all of this stuff out. You need to talk to his command and this woman. You need to make her understand what she is doing is just as wrong as what he is doing and that you won't give him up without a fight. Your husband needs you know and you are going to have to be the strong ones. Neither one of you have earned the right to a divorce yet. So, don't go that road until you both have first made an attempt to correct things.
my prayers go out to you. reading your post broke my heart and was difficult to get through.
even though she lost her fiance, that woman had NO RIGHT to get in between you and your husband. especially if she knew you two had history and children. no right. i feel so angry right now. your husband is weak if he's going to walk away from you and your two children.
1) I don't cook & clean enough - I have never been very domestic and he always joked & laughed about it. Said things like "she doesn't do windows" and "she burns water when she cooks"
2) We grew apart -I'm sorry but I thought it was normal to grow apart a little bit after 8 years and with a 4 yr old and the stress of a newborn.
3) I don't give him enough attention - We have 2 kids and a household to keep up with. I have done my best to keep up with everyone's needs
I know these are just excuses-he had to come up w/something. Just a week before he started talking/texting her a lot he had told his family that he convinced me to move to his home state when he retires from the USMC in 9 yrs. He had no intention of leaving until she showed an interest in him. He was making plans for where we'd be 9 yrs from now. That is not a sign of someone who wants out of the marriage.
I do want to say that he IS still there for the boys. He spends time w/them on the weekend and once during the week. He assures me he'll always be there for them. He then said I should be happy they are going to have such a loving stepmother...are u kidding? By the way, she is 38 and he is 30 (an immature 30) That might be why she is in a hurry to get married. They have only been "together" since February.
He is a weak, needy person and is doing a very cowardly thing. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this and I need to forget about him. I just want to see their relationship crash 'n' burn so he realizes what a HUGE mistake he made.
Yes those are excuses to take the easy way out and yes he's a coward.
Man has balls to say what he said about your children having a loving stepmother. What makes him think your just going to be okay with handing your newborn over to some homewrecker and whatever Sparkies brain is thinking or well not thinking? Makes me wonder if he was inbreed. Sorry but what an a**hole and I'd consider talking to a lawyer because I bet he has or will be.
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He is a weak, needy person and is doing a very cowardly thing. I know I don't deserve to be treated like this and I need to forget about him. I just want to see their relationship crash 'n' burn so he realizes what a HUGE mistake he made.
No you don't and what comes around, goes around. Don't worry, you'll get a laugh somewhere in the mist of all this.
I spoke to a divorce lawyer today. I just wanted to know where I stand since I make a little more money than he does. The lawyer said no matter what he will have to pay half of childcare which is what I was really worried about. We pay $900 per child a month for child care. She said I will get something for child support but he will have to pay for 1/2 of daycare.
I just hope this woman knows what she's getting into. By the time he's done paying me and paying his bills (car note, insurance, phone...) he's gonna be broke. Oh well, not my problem anymore.
I spoke to a divorce lawyer today. I just wanted to know where I stand since I make a little more money than he does. The lawyer said no matter what he will have to pay half of childcare which is what I was really worried about. We pay $900 per child a month for child care. She said I will get something for child support but he will have to pay for 1/2 of daycare.
I just hope this woman knows what she's getting into. By the time he's done paying me and paying his bills (car note, insurance, phone...) he's gonna be broke. Oh well, not my problem anymore.
Nope not your problem. You can't just walk out/divorce whatever without paying for it.
I wonder once he finds this out if he doesn't know already, if he'll change his mind and want to stay with you. Maybe the OW makes a lot herself to support them.
She makes a good living but, from what I know about her, she is not into supporting a man.
I forgot to give some background...She was married to a Doctor but was 'unhappy' so she started chatting online and met Mark in 2005. The story I got was that Mark 'pulled' her away from her unhappy marriage. This alone gives me the impression that she has a wandering eye.
Mark provided the excitement that her life had been missing-she had never dated a Marine before. But nonetheless, even though they were engaged, she made Mark maintain his own place and didn't allow him to live with her. However, Mark didn't have the baggage my husband does which makes me wonder how he'll even survive after paying me and his bills.
I feel sorry for him in a way. Everyone we know thinks she's using him to replace Mark. She might not even realize it, it could be subconcious. My husband & Mark were a lot alike, both Marines, both rode motorcycle, quads, play hockey. It seems she's using my husband to continue the relationship she had w/Mark that ended abruptly with his tragic death.
And if she wakes up one day and realizes it she will probably dump him so fast he won't know what happened. And then there he'll be at my doorstep.
She makes a good living but, from what I know about her, she is not into supporting a man.
I forgot to give some background...She was married to a Doctor but was 'unhappy' so she started chatting online and met Mark in 2005. The story I got was that Mark 'pulled' her away from her unhappy marriage. This alone gives me the impression that she has a wandering eye.
Mark provided the excitement that her life had been missing-she had never dated a Marine before. But nonetheless, even though they were engaged, she made Mark maintain his own place and didn't allow him to live with her. However, Mark didn't have the baggage my husband does which makes me wonder how he'll even survive after paying me and his bills.
I feel sorry for him in a way. Everyone we know thinks she's using him to replace Mark. She might not even realize it, it could be subconcious. My husband & Mark were a lot alike, both Marines, both rode motorcycle, quads, play hockey. It seems she's using my husband to continue the relationship she had w/Mark that ended abruptly with his tragic death.
And if she wakes up one day and realizes it she will probably dump him so fast he won't know what happened. And then there he'll be at my doorstep.
Wandering eye + looking for replacement = trouble down the road. Very possible that he may come crawling back if he goes through with the divorce.
I do hope things work out for the best and I'm sorry that others are not posting here because there are some here that can relate.
My husband was in an affair with a woman from work and was about to leave me as well. I talked to him but was nicer than he expected, did not argue and held my tongue and presented him with the divorce agreement I thought would be fair. I told him I did not want the other woman thinking she could mother the child that I spent 14 hours in labor having!!
Get to a lawyer ! I can't STAND men who put themselves over their childern what the hell are they thinking?? Their genitals and selfishness can't be put on hold for a few years until the kids are school age, of course it is hard to raise youngsters and your wife is tied up for the time being support her....
Anyway he will be missing out on all the normal daily life of his children, he should understand that a vacation with mommy and daddy is never the same as a vacation with missy the wonder whore and daddy because she will never be their mother.
I think we should form a mommy support group go to your friends, have coffee / tea, and if you can get out a couple times at night.. it made me feel much better... I also joined the gym and fixed myself back up still in the repair process.
My heart goes out to you and I think he will come crawling back in 6 months ... the feelings of LUST wear off and then he is stuck with her personality adn what she really is...chances are he doesn't have what she is looking for either...
He’s not your problem anymore, he’s someone else’s. And you’re going to realize just how true that is once the dust settles and you’ve reorganized your life without him. You’ll be playing Mama to only two children instead of three ... you can cook and clean whenever YOU darn well get around to it ... financial help with the things your children need ... and two built-in babysitters when you want to get out of the house and do something for yourself for a change. How long has it been since you’ve had the opportunity to do that between work, the house, and the kids Mommy???
I know it feels like you’ve been gutted right now, and it’s hard to imagine how you’re going to hold yourself up emotionally while trying to comfort the children. But you’ve got two of the best reasons in the world to move forward and they will provide you with all the backbone, purpose and determination you need.
Nothing for you will actually change all that much, with the exception that your husband will no longer be in your home barking at your heals about all you’re “not” doing. Life by this time next year will be peaceful and absent one less stressor ... and you’ll be wondering why you were ever so worried about making this positive, life altering change. You may even want to send the other woman who was so eager to take this burden off your hands a “thank you” card and some roses. Or some proper cookware so that she doesn’t accidentally burn any of the meals she’ll be begrudgingly fixing for him in between working a full-time job, diapering new babies, cleaning house, playing hooker, keeping fit and trim at the gym, and staying home on the weekends to babysit your kids.
Once you’ve had ample time to start enjoying your life under these new circumstances, you’ll never want to go back to that old life again. So when the romance wears off in that other happy home, you’ll be better prepared to say “No Thanks!” when he tries to schmooze his way back into yours.
Don’t look at this as the ‘end’ ... consider it a whole new beginning that you can reinvent for yourself any way you darn well like. Many women don’t just survive after a divorce ... they thrive!
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"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” ~ Mark Twain
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Makes me wonder if he was inbreed. Sorry but what an a**hole and I'd consider talking to a lawyer because I bet he has or will be.
go to your friends, have coffee / tea, and if you can get out a couple times at night.. it made me feel much better... I also joined the gym and fixed myself back up still in the repair process. 
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