So far I have received the very best advice from you all on this site and I greatly appreciate it. I am not sure what advice I could get on this one, I believe most everyone will say I should stay out of it, which is what I am thinking also. So here it is:
My dad wants to do a family BBQ for Memorial Day weekend and asked me if Saturday may 24th would work. For me, 100% I would not miss it and my dad has given me (everyone) enough notice. So I was at my dads house yesterday and he asked me to get a message to my brother, while on his PC I saw my sister was online so I started IMing her about the BBQ. I asked her if she was available for Saturday May 24th and she said no, that she had a wedding to go to and my other sister was watching her kids (kid, actually) and would also not be able to go. So I asked her about Sunday and I would ask dad about switching the day and she told me they both had plans on Sunday also. She would nto say what just that they had plans. So I told my dad and he said to ask her about Monday, (Memorial Day).
I asked my sister and she said she was not sure if the plans she mentioned earlier in our conversation about Sunday would be for Monday instead she said she would not know until the last minute. I said, oh, once you find out you should talk to dad. She again said, we won’t know because they needed to find out about the tickets. I said tickets for what, she said Shannon (my sisters friend who always “invites” them places, thus why we are never invited because it’s her plans not their plans – which is a lie) invited them to go to Seaworld and they would not know what day until the last minute.
That is total BS!!!! Seaworld tickets are good for any day. They just won’t commit because they are jerks. So basically they are setting it up so that no matter what day my dad plans on having the BBQ they will make up excuses that they have plans, when they could commit right now to his BBQ and arrange to go to Seaworld another day. Also, we will not be invited again, because conveniently Shannon invited them to go and they would not invite us to it.
I think this is totally rude, insensitive and just plain mean. I can barely contain my anger over it, and I rarely get angry. I don’t understand why they would want to hurt my dad, he did nothing wrong to them.
So I know I need to stay out of this, but I really want to send her a message, calling her out on her BS. I am so angry I am physically nauseous.
Let your dad know she is unavailable all weekend, and don't bother with her. Just get ready as she will be like this her whole life. I am guessing you are the oldest.. me too. I have two younger sisters who are like that too.. more insensitive and selfish that way. One more than the other!!! Help your dad with the party, make sure he knows you wouldn't miss it... and don't even bring it up again to your sis. Who cares if she comes. You can't make her do anything, you can only control what you do.. so be supportive and don't get too upset. This wont be the last time, I am sure!!
If she chooses last-minute-Seaworld with friends over her family, then her loss! Enjoy the BBQ!!
Hi, Tcatherine. I am actually the youngest (26), the sister I mentioned above us 35, my other sister will be 31 in a week. They will both not attend and my brother (twin) just messaged me back that he did not want to go, which I expected, he has not talked to my dad in 11 years (other then civil conversations, my dad initiates).
I just hate how they are so rude and passive aggresive about it. This will not be the last time this will happen and I don't know how much more I can take of them. It's hard with six nieces and nephew's, but I want to cut ties with my sisters and my mom. I hate to see my dad hurting, it makes me want to be passive aggresive and hurt them. But I know I have to be ab adult about it.
Sorry to hear your sisters are like these, it's hard to watch them act this way towards me and those I love.
redfathom,
I would have called her on it when I was iming her.
Sometimes when you call PA behavior it is the best.
But really you have to just accept this is how she is and you rmom too. For whatever reason they want to freeze you and your dad out. IT sucks and yes it hurts. But the sooner you accept how things are instead of trying to get them to be how they should be the sooner you can move on.
Do a party with you dad and his freinds. Screw them if they don't want to come it is thier loss not your.
I would do you own thing. Live your own life and don't count on them to invite you places or include you. They will never be the sisters you want them to be.
I guess you will never know why they behave this way. Maybe you do not want to cut yourself off if there are nieces and nephews, just don't push it with them and continue to support your dad. Next time, don't even both to invite them, or send a casual email stating the date, and let them know they are welcome to come. Do not even worry about the response, just assume they are not coming. (that's what I do with my sis.. i just book stuff with my parents and other sister and we just let her know. She and her family often have other "commitments" but if it matters she will change them, and if not.. oh well. We always have fun whether they are there or not.
Whatever reason they have chosen to be this way, to separate themselves from your family, it sounds like it is between them and your dad. As much as you intend to support him, I don't think that you do not need to push this issue with your sibs. Your dad is obviously lucky to have you and I bet he knows it!! Good luck!
I really, really want to call them on the PA tactics, and let them know that while I am amussed that they think they are being sneaky about the whole issue, it's very obvious what they are doing and I won't take part in their games. I want to tell them that when they feel like having a drama free family event to let me know but otherwise to just leave me alone.
We were supposed to get together for Mothers Day and I really want to tell them I can't make it because of another committment. I am also supposed to go to my nephews 1st b-day party in two weeks and I really want to call and tell them I can't make it because of another committment with some friends.
If they want to freeze me out, on their terms, can I make my own terms and just not attend any family function. I will of course polietly decline stating I have plans. Of course then I am a jerk for not going to these things.
It is expected that I put a smile on my face and attend the family functions they deem I should attend while I am snubbed every other day of the week. I hate that everything is on their terms.
Tcatherine and hotgurl,
I will attend my dads BBQ and I will have fun, I usually see my dad or talk to him once a week and we always have fun. He does know I love him and we both appriciate each other.
We were supposed to get together for Mothers Day and I really want to tell them I can't make it because of another committment. I am also supposed to go to my nephews 1st b-day party in two weeks and I really want to call and tell them I can't make it because of another committment with some friends.
If they want to freeze me out, on their terms, can I make my own terms and just not attend any family function. I will of course polietly decline stating I have plans. Of course then I am a jerk for not going to these things.
It is expected that I put a smile on my face and attend the family functions they deem I should attend while I am snubbed every other day of the week. I hate that everything is on their terms.
I'm not sure if by what you have written that they are freezing you out. I would say, think carefully before you cut them off.. you may regret that later! Won't you miss your nephews and nieces?? You don't have to smile and be someone else, just visit the ones who you enjoy.
Family members we are sort of stuck with and we have to do our best! I am sure everyone has stories about parents and siblings where.. if they were not related wouldn't have anything to do with each other!
It seems like they are freezing me out, this has been going on since last year. There have been five BBQ's/Parties/Outings they have all had since New Years in which we were not invited, even after me having a conversation about it with my mom and me telling her how hurt I was and that I would like to hang out with them.
This all stemms from them starting with Scrapbooking party and me not joining (because of money issues with my mortgage increasing, which they knew but told me I should sell my house if it was such a burden). My sisters friend Shannon is the one who hosts (she is the seller). And anytime they tell me why I was not invited to something, is because: "We all discussed is at the scrapbooking party, so it was last minute" or "Shannon was the one who mentioned it at the scrapbooking party." Etc.
Actually Shannon is pretty rude, when we were at my nieces b-day BBQ at my sisters, my H was on my sister PC (with permission) when he was done he was sitting in the chair and Shannon came up leaned over him with out saying anything and started using the PC. My H politely asked if she wanted to sit down. We had been at the BBQ for about an hour and she had not said one word to us, which I thought was rude for her to then do that. Which is usual for her.
Do I love my nieces and nephews, yes 100%%%%%%. I usually hang out with the kids anyways, they need some good attention.
Man.. that does sound harsh. It does sound very odd and suspicious. Is there some sort of mom & dad's side of this? Is that why the siblings are split on this? Do they feel you are on "dad's" side??
Anyway, it does sound crumby. I am sorry they are like that, it must hurt.
It appears this rift goes deeper than the facts presented here would indicate.
First recognise that you cannot change anyone, only your response. Live your life to the fullest and invite your siblings and Mother as much as you wish -- be sure to respond to rejection graciously. Support your Father and remain close to him, include him in your events as much as possible.
Who knows? Perhaps you will be the one having so much fun that they will be knocking down the doors to join in. Of course, you would invite them in graciously.
Yes, you are right, I can only control my reaction. I have told them how I felt and if they wish to further hurt me and my father for no reason that is something this will have to live with. I just need to move on. I will be a loving aunt and a cordial daughter and sister.
When big events happen in my life I will let them know. That's all I can do. Thank you for the kind words.
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