My situation is so absurdly impossible you couldnt make it up.
3 months ago I began a PA with my married 64 year old boss, he is 30 years my senior. I am also married with a baby.
What a horrible mess.
I feel like I am madly in love with him and he is with me. He is all I think about. Recently he has been unwell and he thinks he may be sick he says if he is sick he wants me to stay away from him. He says he wants to end the A for my sake because he does not want to ruin my life as we just dont have a possible future together and we both know it. But still we just cannot keep away from each other.
I wish I could just end it but the thought of not being with him makes me pyhsically ill. We get on so well, always have, I dont even see the age difference.
But there IS a big age difference, we are both married, I have a young baby, people at work are talking about us as it is.......... the list goes on and on as to why there is nothing going for us. The only thing we have going for us, is the way we feel about each other.
But I know I must end it.
I would love some feedback but please Ive already had the 'how would you feel if your husband was doing that to you' comments etc.
I know what I am doing is wrong and I am devestated by it, I just want to know if anyone has been in my situation and what advice they could give, drawn from thier own experience. Thanks
Worse: both of you get released, sexual harassment lawsuits flying around, both of you divorced, baby is his, and both of you nowhere to go
Best: baby is your Husbands and both of you take this knowledge to the grave
...I wonder if anyone actually condones this affair like they usually do, because this is some sick stuff.
Dont I know it!! Im certainly not expecting or wanting anyone to condone it..... I certainly dont deserve any sympathy, Im just looking for some advice. I know the obvious is 'END IT!!' but thats easier said then done. NC is out of the question because of work. What I really need advice on is after ending it, how do you get over the OM? How do you get over what you have done?
Ive been with my H for 5 years and have NEVER done anything like this. Frankly its very out of character for me, sometimes I feel like I am looking at someone else when I look at myself. I feel so lost
Dont I know it!! Im certainly not expecting or wanting anyone to condone it..... I certainly dont deserve any sympathy, Im just looking for some advice. I know the obvious is 'END IT!!' but thats easier said then done. NC is out of the question because of work. What I really need advice on is after ending it, how do you get over the OM? How do you get over what you have done?
Ive been with my H for 5 years and have NEVER done anything like this. Frankly its very out of character for me, sometimes I feel like I am looking at someone else when I look at myself. I feel so lost
Why dont you just quit your job and tell the truth. right now this affair is an addiction, and if your husband finds out through other channels expect hell to come with it. Would you want to tell your husband the truth or have him find out through others?
You have issues, I recommend IC and MC, being with this OM is not an option thank of others for this moment!
Dont I know it!! Im certainly not expecting or wanting anyone to condone it..... I certainly dont deserve any sympathy, Im just looking for some advice. I know the obvious is 'END IT!!' but thats easier said then done. NC is out of the question because of work. What I really need advice on is after ending it, how do you get over the OM? How do you get over what you have done?
Ive been with my H for 5 years and have NEVER done anything like this. Frankly its very out of character for me, sometimes I feel like I am looking at someone else when I look at myself. I feel so lost
You can end it quite easily. Tell your husband and his wife. That will end it in record time. A thrive in secrecy and deciet. Tell the truth and get everything out in the open so every will have the same oppertunities that you and he have to make themselves happy instead of living a lie, that only you and he benefit from.
Why dont you just quit your job and tell the truth. right now this affair is an addiction, and if your husband finds out through other channels expect hell to come with it. Would you want to tell your husband the truth or have him find out through others?
You have issues, I recommend IC and MC, being with this OM is not an option thank of others for this moment!
Financially I just couldnt quit my job without another. He told me today that he may be selling the business so this could be a good thing.
Yes youre right, I feel hopelessly addicted to him, but how the heck do you 'quit'. I posted on here a few weeks ago in the hope that it would help but everyone just kept saying 'tell your husband, tell your husband'. I cannot go into details but telling my husband is absolutley NOT an option. and anyway he has already heard from me about the rumors going around, of course he does not believe it - who would? - so if he finds out that it IS true, he might feel doubly betrayed and I think he might kill me AND OM.
OMG I have to end this, I am on a bad and dangerous road.
Financially I just couldnt quit my job without another. He told me today that he may be selling the business so this could be a good thing.
Yes youre right, I feel hopelessly addicted to him, but how the heck do you 'quit'. I posted on here a few weeks ago in the hope that it would help but everyone just kept saying 'tell your husband, tell your husband'. I cannot go into details but telling my husband is absolutley NOT an option. and anyway he has already heard from me about the rumors going around, of course he does not believe it - who would? - so if he finds out that it IS true, he might feel doubly betrayed and I think he might kill me AND OM.
OMG I have to end this, I am on a bad and dangerous road.
That sounds so much like a way to keep your behind covered. If he was that bad, why did you do it in the first place? If he is so bad he would kill you for this, maybe you need to leave him anyway. He should feel doubly betrayed, you did it, by cheating and then lying when he came to you for the truth. So now what?
That is something you do need to think about because people do crazy things when pushed past their emotional limit and when they find out about betrayal and cheating.
Your husband is not stupid. He may have heard the rumours and chances are, he is putting two and two together. He knows you. Don't you think he's noticed some changes in you?
HE would be better off finding out the truth from you, rather than on his own, (if he IS suspicious at all, he could hire a PI, or just talk to everyone at work) or from the MM's wife. Yes, if your H has heard the rumours, chances are, so has she.
Quit your job. You can cut down on socializing and be careful on what you spend your money on. You cannot stay at that job with your MM boss. It is impossible for you (and for him) to get over eachother.
Honesty your situation IS a ticking bomb, waiting to go off at ANY moment.
Get counselling, because what's around the corner is not going to be easy to deal with.
That is something you do need to think about because people do crazy things when pushed past their emotional limit and when they find out about betrayal and cheating.
Your husband is not stupid. He may have heard the rumours and chances are, he is putting two and two together. He knows you. Don't you think he's noticed some changes in you?
HE would be better off finding out the truth from you, rather than on his own, (if he IS suspicious at all, he could hire a PI, or just talk to everyone at work) or from the MM's wife. Yes, if your H has heard the rumours, chances are, so has she.
Quit your job. You can cut down on socializing and be careful on what you spend your money on. You cannot stay at that job with your MM boss. It is impossible for you (and for him) to get over eachother.
Honesty your situation IS a ticking bomb, waiting to go off at ANY moment.
Get counselling, because what's around the corner is not going to be easy to deal with.
Financially I just couldnt quit my job without another. He told me today that he may be selling the business so this could be a good thing.
Yes youre right, I feel hopelessly addicted to him, but how the heck do you 'quit'. I posted on here a few weeks ago in the hope that it would help but everyone just kept saying 'tell your husband, tell your husband'. I cannot go into details but telling my husband is absolutley NOT an option. and anyway he has already heard from me about the rumors going around, of course he does not believe it - who would? - so if he finds out that it IS true, he might feel doubly betrayed and I think he might kill me AND OM.
OMG I have to end this, I am on a bad and dangerous road.
Please do not leap to conclusions about your husband killing you, that's excuses. Stop making excises, the worst thing he could do is divorce you and get 50/50 custody. The fact of the matter is the more the affair continues the worse it gets and please dont say if I tell him it'll hurt, bullcrap. He's already hurt the mintue you betrayed him, If you tell him you can be accountable for your actions.
Give him the choice. IF the OMW finds out and seeks your husband? what then? Lie some more? Deny? I mean at the end of the day you have to look yourself in the mirror and say I destroyed my family. I condemned our children to have two households. I condemned my child to be tucked in by someone else. To live in another family which was mines.
I mean is that what you want from your marriage? Do you want to make it better? Or do you want to leave? Contiuing this stupidness will definitely put the steak in the coffin.
Also what's more important your job or your family? you chew on that for a little bit.
That sounds so much like a way to keep your behind covered. If he was that bad, why did you do it in the first place? If he is so bad he would kill you for this, maybe you need to leave him anyway. He should feel doubly betrayed, you did it, by cheating and then lying when he came to you for the truth. So now what?
No hes not a bad man at all I just feel emotionally unfulfilled. No this is not a reason/excuse/condonement for the A. Its just the way it is, period.
He did not come to me for the truth, I told him about the rumors because I didnt want him to hear it from anyone else and yes I absolutley did it to cover my own behind and - absurd as this may seem - protect him
WHICH WAY IS UP.........I have read alot of your posts and completely resepct your advice and opinions.
Oh its a ticking time bomb alright, in some respects that bomb has already gone off, as OM's sons GF heard about it and made a scene. His wife has confronted him, he has denied it.
Geez am I living in a complete fantasy world or what?
but if I end it right now, I think it will be ok...what do you think?
To many peoeple are already connecting the dots and sooner or later someone is gonna find your husband, and since you already lied your only making it worse? Are you a drama queen or something?
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he says if he is sick he wants me to stay away from him. He says he wants to end the A for my sake because he does not want to ruin my life as we just dont have a possible future together and we both know it. But still we just cannot keep away from each other.
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