[up the creek]

My story is similar to many.........
Work affair - I'm single, she's living with bf, 10 year age gap between us (she's 29). Its been going on for 5 months and turned into PA after 6 weeks. She made all the running at the start and I resisted initially because I've seen her flirt with lot of other guys in the past and I knew she was in a relationship. Eventually I was weak and gave in to the fact that I fancied her like crazy and so we started seeing each other.

After a couple of months she told me she loved me and I started to to feel the same way. Things came to a head yesterday when I said I wanted more and she made it clear that she loved bf more and was only in it for the cake eating. I ended it there and then.

I will see her later this week in work which will be very difficult. I've told her I want/need NC for now and she agrees. Finding it hard already not to text or email her and so posting here instead.

Day One NC - suspect I need many more like this and reading your posts help confirm I'm doing the right thing.

[phoenixrising]

It will hurt, and the ups and downs will be challenging, but there is NO QUESTION that you are doing the right thing. At least she said the words that can free you... some of us waited years to hear the fencesitter/cakeeater admit that they were 'simply that' so we could get some closure and move on. And some never do...

It hurts to realize that there are people who are so into their own emotional pain that they can't comprehend how they are hurting others by their actions. The boundaries you take the strength to create now will help you benefit as you move into new relationships in the future.

Stay posting through the hard times - or at least reading the posts of others. It will definitely help.

[whichwayisup]

Things came to a head yesterday when I said I wanted more and she made it clear that she loved bf more and was only in it for the cake eating. I ended it there and then.

Atleast she was honest about it. She's selfish for wanting two men, but she had the balls to admit it. Good for you for ending it and not settling to be the OM, help her cheat on her boyfriend and stay in the affair.

Try to keep busy, join a gym or do a sport that you love. Surround yourself with good friends and family, on weekends when you shouldn't be alone with your thoughts.

Just remember that you WILL get through this and anytime you feel like breaking NC, post here or call a friend. Read no foolin's thread about NC (I will find you the link and post it here) to help you understand WHY you must stay in NC mode.

Okay, here's the link:
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

[karlkhan]

I agree with whichwayisup.
At least she was honest enough to tell you.

I know you feel gutted at what you thought you had and having fallen in love at the same time.

Sometimes its hard to take your mind away from it, only friends other activities can do that

Keep posting, it will help both yourself and us.

[up the creek]

Thanks all for your support and advice. I know NC is the way to go from previous relationships (albeit they were 'above board'). I've had the bad thoughts about telling all to her Bf but I know these are driven more by hurt and a warped desire for revenge than real concern that he's making a mistake. Needless to say I'm not going to tell him. It wouldn't serve any good and would just make me look childish and spiteful. I guess like anyone I'm capable of both, but that's not the person I really want to be.

This is day two of NC, although I did post a message on our 'secret' email account yesterday just to say I was closing my account and wouldn't be engaging in any more underhand conversations. Tomorrow will be the real test when we're both back in work. I know that she felt really guilty about cheating and I suspect she'll feel as awkward as me.

I appreciate everyone saying 'at least she was honest' and whilst I agree I have to give her some credit for that, the way she said it made me feel like my even suggesting that we may have a future was a completely ridiculous idea. She went on say that things would be different if she was single but that she loved Bf and wanted to marry him. In a way this made her go down in my estimation. I'd reconciled what we were doing as being so mind blowing and potentially life changing that it was somehow borderline acceptable. It transpires now that she had no intention of it being life changing and was happy to love me, get the ego boost and the excitement and all the while progress her life with him.

It sucks, but I guess that's the price you pay for playing with fire. I don't envy him. This won't be the last time she'll need the reassurance that she can pull almost any man she likes.

I'm going to make sure I smile a lot tomorrow and look like I've already moved on. I want to come out of this with my head held high (if that possible after doing what I've done).

[child_of_isis]

This is a good attitude. You are telling yourself the truth.

Originally Posted by up the creek

It sucks, but I guess that's the price you pay for playing with fire. I don't envy him. This won't be the last time she'll need the reassurance that she can pull almost any man she likes.

.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Originally Posted by child_of_isis

This is a good attitude. You are telling yourself the truth.

I agree with Isis and others on this too. You are to be commended for your strength and resolve. But, now don't wish this woman's or here husband's downfall in this relationship. You should be hoping she finds help and corrects herself.


DNR

[st951]

Well, she's a manipulator but not a complete monster.

Count your blessings that she was honest with you in the end. You could have had it a lot worse.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep posting here whenever you get the urge to contact her and it will pass. Soon she will be a dim memory and you will not make the same mistake twice. And if she should try to contact you, resist responding.