My bf had an affair with a married woman at work and someone finally called the H to tell him about it. Now my bf is mad at me because he thinks I put someone up to it out of spite for the girl at work. (Granted, I did confide details about the whole thing to a friend at work who ended up telling the whole office about it practically.) So now my bf is not talking to me because he thinks the girl's marriage is going to end because I opened my mouth to someone. He seems more concerned about what's going to happen with the girl and her H than what's going on with me and him. I say it is his and her fault for starting and being in the affair in the first place and if he is so concerned that it will fall apart because of him then he shouldn't have done it to begin with. Am I wrong??
No one has an obligation to say nothing about an affair. There's only two people who benefit from keeping an affair secret. The sooner you get it out into the open, the less attractive it becomes.
An affair is like a mushroom, where it thrives in the dark and feeds on....fantasy.
__________________ Get busy living or get busy dying!
Before I comment, did this affair happen BEFORE you got together or during the relationship? And are you two still bf-gf now?
DNR
I can't be sure when it started but I'm pretty sure they were hooking up before I started dating him and pretty sure it continued, if only off and on, during our relationship. I'm not sure if we're still together because he's not talking to me right now. He said he doesn't want to talk to me right now. Since we haven't spoken since yesterday afternoon and even that was only on text and didn't end well, I'd have to say we're probably not.
Now, the question is this...WHY IS HE STILL YOUR BF? Yes, I know you love him. That is understandable. But, there is a time you got to look at it like this...He willingly sleep with another's man's wife. Is this the kind of guy you consider a role model for a relationship? It is apparent that if he could of gotten away with it for years to come, he would have. How does it make you feel knowing he did God knows what to her, and come home and shared her essence with you? Did he tell her the same things he told you? Or what did he tell her about you? Does he know you exist? Or did he lie and made her believe you never existed? How does that make you feel that he could care so little about you even AFTER all of this came out? He sounds like a man who is angry at you because, he thinks you ruined HIS good thing, not this woman's marriage. Lastly, if he is willing to do this now...Are you willing to trust him to be faithful to you know?
Ask those questions to yourself. Answer them. And then, you will be that much closer to making the a better choice in your life.
In closing, I ask this one last time and maybe you can tell me...WHY IS HE STILL YOUR BF?
He is upset, that's funny. How does he think her H feels? He is probably more afraid of he consequences(like a can of whup @$$ being opened on him) and his reputation(probably already in shredded if everyone in the office knows). Kick his behind out of your life. You can pick up garbage on every street corner, so why wait for it to love you and respect you?
Her marriage is going to end because she ****ed your bf.. not because her H found out. These two did the damage, the damage was done, and now the real reason he is upset is because there are consequences to him.
He is more concerned about her because it affects him..period. An affair is the most hateful and destructive thing a person can do outside of rape and physical abuse. Let the destruction rain down on them I say.. in the mean time get the hell out of the way of the drama.
I'm really for trying to reconcile if there are children, if there has been a long time investment in a marriage but generally, after being cheated on twice, I would have to say DO NOT MARRY A CHEATER ever!... or welcome to a preview of your life.
I can't be sure when it started but I'm pretty sure they were hooking up before I started dating him and pretty sure it continued, if only off and on, during our relationship. I'm not sure if we're still together because he's not talking to me right now. He said he doesn't want to talk to me right now. Since we haven't spoken since yesterday afternoon and even that was only on text and didn't end well, I'd have to say we're probably not.
WOW..just WOW.. and in the meantime, you are just WAITING there to see whether MISTER will eventually talk to you???????
What the hell are you? a doormat? what is this? you're not even married to the dumb azz and you're like.. 'I don't know if we're still together or not.. it depends on HIM.. not me'
WTF.. do not talk to him ever again.. kick the idiot to the curb..
__________________ "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." -- Groucho Marx
One minor thing though.... Try to avoid malicious gossip. Sheesh, yeah, I know it's hard, and in this case, I would say you were probably 110% justified.
But just.... take care, in future.... It has a really nasty habit of coming back atcha and biting ya where you should be sitting on it.....
Just a thought.
But spot on with the -
"Get out of there!!"
__________________
"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts, we make the world."
My bf had an affair with a married woman at work and someone finally called the H to tell him about it. Now my bf is mad at me because he thinks I put someone up to it out of spite for the girl at work. (Granted, I did confide details about the whole thing to a friend at work who ended up telling the whole office about it practically.) So now my bf is not talking to me because he thinks the girl's marriage is going to end because I opened my mouth to someone. He seems more concerned about what's going to happen with the girl and her H than what's going on with me and him. I say it is his and her fault for starting and being in the affair in the first place and if he is so concerned that it will fall apart because of him then he shouldn't have done it to begin with. Am I wrong??
You got it in one - he IS more concerned about her than you - and always was apparently.
What I don't get is why he is still your supposed b/f. I know it's always the same advice but you better get tested for STDs, pronto.
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