hello everyone...i'm not going to go into uber details, but here's the short version...
I'll be 21 in July, and I have a HUUUUUUUGE crush on my 30 year old boss. He's soo amazing. Anyway, he's married, and has been for about 4 years I think, she is 35...they do not have any kids, and i heard through a mutual friend, that he is not interested in having them anytime soon..
I've been crushing on this guy for a little more than a year and a half...it's been restricted to some innocent flirting in the office, a few flirty emails, and waaaaay back when this all started, a few phone calls just to chat...
nothing physical has happened...but everyday it's getting harder and harder not to want to kiss him, or hug him, or something...
basically, i just need some input on what i should do..
Do i tell him that i have these feelings?
Or do i keep trying to stiffle them within myself?
basically, i just need some input on what i should do..
Do i tell him that i have these feelings?
Or do i keep trying to stiffle them within myself?
any feedback is welcome...thanks!
At age 21, I was having a wonderful time starting my life and career (graduated Uni at 20). I hung out with my girlfriends, we travelled and had wonderful adventures. I couldn't imagine lusting after a 30-year old. To me, at that age, that was so old. Great memories were created during that time of my life.
So now, back to you. What do you want to define yourself as? If you wish to accept the role of 'other woman,' then that is what you shall be. If you wish to define yourself as his 2nd wife, then comport yourself in that manner.
OP, perfectly normal. Accept your feelings as valid and decide how your actions will define you. This is a great life lesson
Tell me, in the last 1 1/2 years, have you dated anyone and, if so, how was that? Have you had any significant romantic relationships? I'm trying to establish context here.
What do you think would happen if you revealed your crush to your boss?
I wouldn't tell him, because nothing good will come of it. It doesn't matter how unhappy he is, how much he doesn't want kids OR, believe it or not, how old his W is!
You're 21 and you'd be wasting your time.
Best thing you can do is get out and get some single friends and start enjoying your life, not trying to tie yourself down to the misery of being the OW.
__________________
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." ~ H. G. Wells
I agree with carhill.. this is perfectly normal and also demonstrate some immaturity.. (and of course you're young).
You are in lust with him.. he's probably handsome and the 'power' is very appealing to you.. if he wasn't your boss, I'm not so sure you'd go for him..
Power and authority is a huge turn-on, especially when it's combined with good looks, flirty attitude.. etc.
BUT.. this guy is only having fun.. he will probably NOT fall for you.. I would very much doubt it.. he's got too much to lose..
If things get nasty.. YOU are out.. not him.. and besides being out of a job, you'll be heartbroken..
Your choice my dear.. but I'm not sure you're mature enough to make the right decision.. but you live you learn .. right? right!
__________________ "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." -- Groucho Marx
I agree with GPfan, at 21 a 30 year old was ancient to me. I was having so much fun with friends my age. Girl, youth is fleeting! Don't waste a moment of this precious time on some old married man. You should be dating and having so much fun right now this "old boss" of yours should be the last thing on your mind. Have you dated anyone in the last year?
The most you would get from this MM is a few rolls in the hay. He will never leave his wife for you (kids or no kids). It doesn't matter that she is 5 years older than him. He married her for a reason.
Don't be the OW. You are young and should be able to find a single guy who will have alot more to offer you. This married guy is your boss, and if something happens between the two of you, you can kiss your work reputation goodbye. You will become the office gossip and most will lose respect for you (and him) by having an affair with your married boss.
Do you think your friends would approve? Your parents and siblings? Or are you OK with sneaking around, lying and hiding, helping this guy betray his wife.
Just enjoy the crush for what it is, and don't say anything to him about it. You will get hurt because this guy will never leave his wife, reguardless of what you've heard about the status of his marriage.
but i guess i was wrong, i guess this was the wrong place to get some opinions that could look past the age difference and just look at me as another person whose falling for someone else...
Sorry but NOONE here is going to encourage you to make a really stupid choice. This guy is MARRIED and your BOSS. Mature or not, this is a door you don't want to open. IF you do, you WILL suffer alot of consquences from your choices and will be badly hurt, let alone have a ruined professional reputation.
basically, i just need some input on what i should do..
Do i tell him that i have these feelings?
Or do i keep trying to stiffle them within myself?
any feedback is welcome...thanks!
What do you want out of it?
A brief fling? An ongoing affair? For him to dump his wife and take up with you?
You need to consider carefully what it is you want, and what - realistically - are your chances of that happening. There is a lot at stake for this guy - his job, his marriage, his reputation - even were he as serious as you, which is anyone's guess at this stage.
You also need to consider the consequences of your choice - for yourself, for him, and for others (colleagues, his family, friends, etc) - and decide whether you are prepared to live with those. Perhaps you are, perhaps you've already thought this all through, perhaps you're just wanting encouragement - but if not, give it some really serious thought. These things always have consequences and you need to make sure you have the balls for them before you go down that road.
This married guy is your boss, and if something happens between the two of you, you can kiss your work reputation goodbye. You will become the office gossip and most will lose respect for you (and him) by having an affair with your married boss.
Hi AnnaLee. I completely agree with wwiu about the reputation thing. I was in your shoes in my 20's as well. And I went ahead with the A. It only lasted for a couple of months, and it broke my heart for 2 years afterwards, and I lost a good friend (him) as well. It was blissful while it was going on, but it definitely wasn't worth the personal cost to me. The only way out of the hellish aftermath was to leave the company and start over somewhere else completely different.
I have been attracted to other MM at work since then, but I decided not to do anything about my feelings. Those crushes eventually turned into very nice friendships, and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS APPROACH as the way to go!!! There are many personal benefits to this approach, which far outweigh the negative of never "experiencing" him...
For one thing, it helps your career (in ways you can't even imagine!!) down the road. People remember stuff like this at work. And they're always watching you and how you conduct yourself. Never underestimate the intelligence and observational powers of the people around you, and who they tell it to!!
You enjoy the blessing of friendship with him. There's always that "tension" there (because it has never been released), and he treats you so much better when you don't sleep with him!! There is very much a respect factor at play here, in how he regards you in his own mind.
You save yourself a LOT of heartache and energy spent on healing yourself, when it could have been so much more productively and joyfully spent on your pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.
So good luck AnnaLee! Hope this helps. Don't make the same mistake I did!
__________________
"There are still too many days when I'm the only woman in the room." -Nancy Pelosi
I think it is just sad. Sad sad sad. My 21 year old is on her way with friends to trek the Canadian wilderness this weekend. Not sitting around crushin on a 30 year old. Plus....a 30 year old would be looked upon as father figure to her.
I think the OP needs to get herself in counseling asap to find out what is going on with herself. Personally, I don't believe this to be normal. She has her whole life ahead of her & this is where her head is.
When I was 30, a 20 year old would be someone fun to play with but certainly not someone worth throwing away a spouse for.
Of course, they haven't been married long and don't have any children so I would think that there would be a greater chance for him leaving. I wouldn't pin my hopes on it though. You two are at different stages of your lives, and it will become painfully apparent with time that outside of sex the two of you won't really have that much in common.
I know in his shoes, I wouldn't leave my wife for a 20 year old. Few 20 year old women are ready to settle down, and are often flighty on where they want to go with their lives. I don't know that I would throw away a sure thing for a not-so-sure thing. I might play around with one on the side, if I were so inclined but I wouldn't derail my life over it.
Chances are he feels the same way.
You are ready to buy the ticket - just be aware that you might not like the ride.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
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a quickie
Anyway, he's married, and has been for about 4 years I think, she is 35...they do not have any kids, and i heard through a mutual friend, that he is not interested in having them anytime soon..
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