[Bekkie]

Since Their last visit (3 months now) absoultely no contact from the brother and sister in law. No response to any mails or skype chats (I see when he comes on line and he has made no attempt to even say Hi)

I'm so upset today cause my husband got a phone call from his other brother (a real nice guy) who passed on a message to "us" from the other one and his wife to say hello and lots of love to all of us etc, and that they're all doing well. My DH thinks this is great, that they really mean it that I am "included" dughh... like they would say all except the wife.... He seemed so happy about that, it's a bit pathetic.

I was kicked in the teeth collectively by my mom in law, her "life partner", my brother and sister in law, and her parents (I have only ever seen them twice, so barely know them) that came to visit at the same time.The Father got a bit drunk and had a few choice words for me that kind of exposed what they had been talking about. they think I am a nervous wreck who can't cope with anything, trying to make it look like my poor husband is stuck in a needy relationship and that my family is a burden to him (my mom lives with us, and is an amasing help with the children and makes my husband lunch for work each day) we are happy at home, no problems, all get along just fine and the kids are really good and are top of their classes at school. my second daughter has an amasing talent with art and I spend a lot of time with my kids and perhaps neglect the tidying, but my house is not dirty. (Yes there are ALWAYS toys laying around and the kitchen mostly has dishes in it - 8 people in the household) They don't know about the father telling me off in his own nice way..... and keep up this facade of "civility". I got a birthday card from mom in law and partner with a lovely gift. the card was signed "regards" ... it used to be "love" or "best wishes for the rest of the year". this just sounded cold and the gift was SO much more expensive than they have ever given. I have withdrawn myself from them somewhat, and will not let my children sleep over anymore (my eldest had complained that when there without me they were somewhat nasty to her - she is from a previous marriage, so not a biological grandchild) I felt sick to my insides accepting the gift, since it was obviously so disingenuous. I have not used the gift voucher, don't know what to do with it.

I feel somewhat betrayed by my DH's lack of stance here. He sees the situation for what it is, yet does nothing. He wants me to start the ball rolling.... I have considered being really direct about it, but am afraid it is going to cause a separation between the 3 brothers. They might/probably will all believe the mom in law's denials and I will be the one looking pretty petty and nasty. She does not even make proper arrangement to visit anymore, just comes around when it suits her. It is always at the most difficult time of the day - around the late afternoon, on a week day. I have 4 children, one still breastfeeding, and my brother's child stays with us after school, so there are 3 sets of primary school homework to get through, entertain the preschooler and keep the baby happy while cooking dinner and getting all ready for the next day and for bed. She does not help when she is here, just wants to spend time with "the girls" as she calls them - her biological grandbabies, the rest must just get along. I think what really hurts me the most is that she always brings things for my kids (Separated into catagories of the biological and non biological grandbabies) and leaves out my brother's child. She knows he is there, yet always says that she forgot about him. His mother is black and my brother white, so when she gets this disgusted look on her face when she looks at him I can only assume it is racism... so much for the "liberated lesbian".

Now it is begining to look like she has started working on my other sister in law ... they both said something about my kitchen 2 days apart from each other, using the same words - verbatim! When mom in law spoke I told her that it sounded like she had been speaking with the sis in law. she got a bit flustered and said "we weren't discussing you!" Ha like i was born yesterday.

She obviously wants her cake, and eats it too... Not with my little family she wont. I just don't know how to go about setting boundries without sending shock waves through the family. I am actually a really conservative person with strong old fashioned values and morals. I am not Pro gay, but I have never judged her or even discussed this with her. I have always shown her and her partner lots of love and respect. My husband recently accepted the Lord as his Saviour, and this has been a dream come true for me. All of a sudden, she is telling me how she is praying for us, and throws the Lords name into her sentenses here and there, it is down right creepy for me. I am no saint, so I can't really critisie her. Just last year she was asking me if I was religious! man after a couple of years in the family (almost 8 years) one should know a person, especially a daughter in law! she has never taken the time to get to know me, and when she "discovers" things about me, is always surprised. I think I am being too nice here, and am afraid that if I actually open my mouth about how I feel I might be too harsh and hurt feelings... I can be pretty tactless when on a roll, so I try not to speak out of turn.

any advise from some older seasoned "family members" perhaps a mother in law who would have an idea on how they would like to be approached by their son's wife?