I ran into a woman at work that I knew in high school. Instantly there was a connection and I was blown away by how good she looked. Back in high school she had a huge crush on me, and now I had one on her.
Later that day a co-worker told me something that was news to me: She was married and had a child. Well, needless to say, that ended that.
Thats when the gifts started coming...not inexpensive ones at that. Bottles of expensive wine, clothes, etc...
I thought that it was innocent, we would even go out for drinks occasionally. I though she was just a very giving and nice person. A good friend.
Then she got pregnant with her 2nd child, and I felt like maybe our friendship was inappropriate. I backed off and we had close to no contact for the course of her entire pregnancy. After the baby was born however, she attempted to resume our close friendship. I agreed to meet her and some work friends out and she drank way to many, and was all over me. She was attempting to kiss me and hug me, so I left the bar. It was very strange. She was embarresed the next day, and I just blew it off assuming she had too much to drink.
That is when she began to confide in me about how she thought of me all the time, how things were bad at home, how she thought that she married too young. I knew this was all wrong. Then one night we kissed after having drinks with people from work. I felt disgusted with myself and decided to stop being friends with her. We didn't speak for a month. I really felt she just wanted something phisical, and I was not interested in that. I told her that one of us was going to get hurt, we would hurt a lot of innocent people, and if she was truly interested in me she could contact me after the divorce.
I saw her at work all the time and managed to stay away from her. I always had feelings for her but didn't want to be a home wrecker. I didn't want to screw up her kids lives.
When my birthday came around, she bought me a very expensive gift. I think this is her way of showing her feelings for someone.? Anyway, I told her that I couldn't have a relationship with a married woman. So insisted that her marriage was dying and her and her H had been fighting for a long time. She told me personal things regarding how he was bad to her, and that she wanted out. She wanted to be with me.
I'm not sure how it happened, but we kissed a few times. Then she wanted to go away for a weekend with me, and I told her no chance. She got upset and started a fight with me. She told me that breaking up is a long process and I ended up giving in. Thats when we started having an affair. All along I was under the assumption that she was leaving him. She would have me go places with her and her children. We spoke daily, all day long. She stopped staying at home. She told her husband she was done. She told me several times that she was going to do it...it's now been 8 months.
We haven't spoken in 3 days. I blew up. Although she has shown signs that she is actually leaving, its just not happening. I tried so hard to do this right, I did. I would just cave when she would tell me what I wanted to hear, like we were soul mates. I was the happiest I've ever been, and now I am the saddest.
I know that I need to stay strong and leave her alone. Its very hard though. Even worse is that she works with me. I'm trying to move on but I'm in really bad shape. I've learned a valuable lesson here, and I feel terrible about what I have done. I feel betrayed, and sick. The only thing that keeps me from calling her is the chance that her children will grow up in a house with their 2 parents.
I just want you to know that even though I have no words to offer you in the way of advise, I read your story and am not judging you or her as bad people.
Sometimes people get caught up in things they never meant to.
I ran into a woman at work that I knew in high school. Instantly there was a connection and I was blown away by how good she looked. Back in high school she had a huge crush on me, and now I had one on her.
Later that day a co-worker told me something that was news to me: She was married and had a child. Well, needless to say, that ended that.
Thats when the gifts started coming...not inexpensive ones at that. Bottles of expensive wine, clothes, etc...
I thought that it was innocent, we would even go out for drinks occasionally. I though she was just a very giving and nice person. A good friend.
Then she got pregnant with her 2nd child, and I felt like maybe our friendship was inappropriate. I backed off and we had close to no contact for the course of her entire pregnancy. After the baby was born however, she attempted to resume our close friendship. I agreed to meet her and some work friends out and she drank way to many, and was all over me. She was attempting to kiss me and hug me, so I left the bar. It was very strange. She was embarresed the next day, and I just blew it off assuming she had too much to drink.
That is when she began to confide in me about how she thought of me all the time, how things were bad at home, how she thought that she married too young. I knew this was all wrong. Then one night we kissed after having drinks with people from work. I felt disgusted with myself and decided to stop being friends with her. We didn't speak for a month. I really felt she just wanted something phisical, and I was not interested in that. I told her that one of us was going to get hurt, we would hurt a lot of innocent people, and if she was truly interested in me she could contact me after the divorce.
I saw her at work all the time and managed to stay away from her. I always had feelings for her but didn't want to be a home wrecker. I didn't want to screw up her kids lives.
When my birthday came around, she bought me a very expensive gift. I think this is her way of showing her feelings for someone.? Anyway, I told her that I couldn't have a relationship with a married woman. So insisted that her marriage was dying and her and her H had been fighting for a long time. She told me personal things regarding how he was bad to her, and that she wanted out. She wanted to be with me.
I'm not sure how it happened, but we kissed a few times. Then she wanted to go away for a weekend with me, and I told her no chance. She got upset and started a fight with me. She told me that breaking up is a long process and I ended up giving in. Thats when we started having an affair. All along I was under the assumption that she was leaving him. She would have me go places with her and her children. We spoke daily, all day long. She stopped staying at home. She told her husband she was done. She told me several times that she was going to do it...it's now been 8 months.
We haven't spoken in 3 days. I blew up. Although she has shown signs that she is actually leaving, its just not happening. I tried so hard to do this right, I did. I would just cave when she would tell me what I wanted to hear, like we were soul mates. I was the happiest I've ever been, and now I am the saddest.
I know that I need to stay strong and leave her alone. Its very hard though. Even worse is that she works with me. I'm trying to move on but I'm in really bad shape. I've learned a valuable lesson here, and I feel terrible about what I have done. I feel betrayed, and sick. The only thing that keeps me from calling her is the chance that her children will grow up in a house with their 2 parents.
Thanks for listening
Simple. End the friendship/kissing R and move on. Who are you kidding! Soulmates? Please.. get a grip here. Move on Just My OP.
AP
__________________ Life's like a boom-a-rang. The more good you throw out, the more you receive in return."
OP, love ya to death but you can't be responsible for other's relationships, their kids or their happiness. Managing your own path is quite enough responsibility for most humans.
The best impact you can have on her, given the dynamic, is a silence sandwich. You know you're infatuated with her; you think (she says) she's been "infatuated" with you for a long time. Interesting....where was she all those years? Surely, if you have no contact, she can either heal or leave her marriage and you can center your psyche and become the kind of person whom she could have a healthy LTR with if that's in the cards in the future.
Your first instinct was the best one. Re-discover that
Thanks for your advice. At one point I was actually convinced that we would end up together. Have I mentioned that she hasn't worn her ring in over a month? Oh well, its got to be hard on her.
OP, I was kinda in your shoes a generation ago. I didn't know what to do so said goodbye and did the silence sandwich. I'll just tell you that, if you do have a true connection, it will stand the test of time. I ended the sandwich about a year ago and we resumed a really satisfying friendship 15 years after I said goodbye. The complex part is now, though she has been divorced a number of years, I'm married. Interesting how life works, eh? We laugh about that irony
OP, I was kinda in your shoes a generation ago. I didn't know what to do so said goodbye and did the silence sandwich. I'll just tell you that, if you do have a true connection, it will stand the test of time. I ended the sandwich about a year ago and we resumed a really satisfying friendship 15 years after I said goodbye. The complex part is now, though she has been divorced a number of years, I'm married. Interesting how life works, eh? We laugh about that irony
Car,
Interesting... irony.. test of time... man you are hittin on 8 cylinders. I think I pour that Scotch now...
Oh man.... I read all these cheating posts and I just feel so justified in staying in my happy place--- dating without investing emotion. I was just feeling ready to ease back into something serious...but now because of this post I MUST go back to dating 23 years olds...
Just kidding. sort of.
OP, you just don't have any other choice... either she leaves her husband, or it's over between you.
I know she has children and it's not as easy to leave because of that- it does get complicated. But she needs to figure this out, and get it done.
Maybe she is only shedding her wedding ring at work for you to see- who knows. She actually sounds like she is capable of manipulating people...as I am sure you are aware.
in my heart I know she needs her space. The one thing that kills me is the wordsbthat came spewing out of my mouth our last conversation. I was upset and said some things I did not mean. Shouldn't I shoot her an email or write her a letter to let her know that I was just caught up in the heat of the moment?
I hate that the last things I said to her were so mean.
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sort of.
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