I don't know where to post this, so I'll put it here.
My bestfriend wants to be my son's Godmother. This should be easy, right? But it's not.
First off, she's spent the last 8 years saying she doesn't believe in God. That's pretty ass-backwards, why would I name someone my son's godmother who doesn't believe in God? The thing is, she's been dating a relatively religious man and suddenly, in the last 2 months or so, she's decided that there may be a God, but she's not sure....
Also, she insists that the Godparents traditionally get custody of the child if the parents die. The truth is, she is the very last person in the world that I would want to raise my son if I died. I was planning on asking my older sister if she would be guardian if my SO and I both died in some freak accident.
But she is my friend, and I don't want to insult her and say "Hell NO I don't want you to be the Godmother."
I've already said that I think the Godmother should have a strong foundation of faith. She disagrees with me. She is absolutely insistant that I name her Godmother. I do plan on getting my son baptized, how can I have her stand there and hold my son while he is blessed when I know she thinks the entire institution of the church is worthless?
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This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
You pick who you want. This is you and your SO's decision. Every ramification of it. Don't be pressured by other peoples ideas about what they would do.
I'm a Godmother to two Godbaby momma's.
I'm not religious and it was awkward to sit in the little room in the church and stumble when asked the last time I went to church. The Godfather selectee of course was Catholic and a smooth talker. Oh well. I went with the flow. I did ask my friend if she was sure she wanted me, considering that we don't share all of the same beliefs. She did and I love that Godchild very much. I'm sure if something happened to her parent's that she would probably live with a sibling, and I would still be allowed to babysit on occassion and send gifts and such.
My other Godchild is shared by me and another girl. I also doubt that I would be taking that child in case of an accident. They have 3 and that would just be wrong. Most likely it would be a family member equipped to handle 3 kids.
I am guardian (in case of freak accident) for my nephew. Not his Godparent's who are really better off financially then me. This has to be done through a trust and a will.
So, you have two choices.
Lay out the terms of what "Godmother" means to you, and ask if she is willing to abide and be okay with that.
Or, name someone else as the Godmother (or don't have one) and just be firm in your decision.
If she is your best friend it should blow over no matter the titles or lack thereof. She will still be you friend and help out...I would hope.
if you're planning a Catholic baptism, one of the godparents MUST be Catholic, and if it's part of a husband-and-wife couple, then BOTH must be in good standing, sacramentally speaking. So you may be able to use that to "disqualify" her.
on a more personal note, when my girlfriend from college asked me to be godmother to her little boy, the priest I was getting instruction from (oh yes, there's also the godparenting classes the sponsors must go through, another thing to keep in mind) ... well, Father said that being there for the little one was only a small part of the job, because it was easy to remember birthdays or be present when baby made first Communion or was confirmed. Mostly, being godparent is about being a support system to the parents. Being their sounding board when they needed one most, and just being there for them in general. That the relationship needed to be strong because you're not only giving witness to your godchild but to his parents, and that witness came in the form of the emotional and moral support you provide, as well as witness to faith.
I don't think I've ever heard of godparents automatically getting custody or guardianship of a child, because parents often have a close family member – someone the child will get to know as he grows – in mind from the get-go.
for those reasons, she doesn't sound like valid godmother material, but assure her that she will definitely be his auntie, if you're comfortable with that idea.
BTW, how much longer before the little bun leaves the oven? My niece's little boy is scheduled to arrive by C-section May 9, so we get to meet him soon!
__________________ "Walking in the Lord's footsteps, our own lives become a journey of hope." – Pope Benedict XVI
I was planning on getting him baptized in the catholic church, and yes I checked - even though I am an unwed mother I can still baptize my son in the catholic church. I can't think of any other church I would baptize him in...it would be weird to pick a random church that I've never attended.
I'll mention the classes, as well as the fact that one godparent must be a practicing catholic.
As to her insisting on getting custody of my son if I die, well that's absolutely ridiculous and I'm just going to have to be frank with her. I won't go into details as to why I think she would not be a good candidate to raise my son, I'll just say it will be my sister and that is that.
Thanks for the input. I was all squeamish as to how to handle this situation appropriately.
It looks to me that you are going to have to just tell her that you are sorry but it is your decision who is going to be asked...
Who says you need to have god parents?..
Make a will instead.. That is what my wife and I did.. it is in the will who would raise the child, and if they don't want to at the time of our untimley death then there is a second backup choice...
the people we chose to raise our child in the event of a death are family members but they don't know that we chose them...
the reason for that is that you can't make someone take your child if you die as they have lives too... people get divorced and things happen.. etc. etc... So that is why we named backups as well....
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Last edited by Art_Critic; 1st May 2008 at 11:14 AM.
We went to a Christian baptism not long ago. Not being religious I found it a little difficult when the congregation were asked to read aloud statements about believing in 'God'. I believe in a higher being - but not specifically God as defined by some religions.
If I was asked to be someone's godparent, I'm not sure what I'd do. I suppose I would happily do it, provided that they were happy with lack of religion. To many people these days, it's just a process to go through and isn't about religion at all. Kind of like getting married in church!
I think you have the right approach in talking to her about what it involves and making it clear that she won't be looking after him in the event of an accident. Just remember to do what you want - that's the most important thing.
Ideally my older sister would take my son if SO and I died. We talked about it the other day and SO doesn't want any of his sibilings in line to care for him if we are gone, so that left my two older sisters, one preferably over the other. I really like and respect my middle sister so she's my first choice, and I think her H is a great guy who is a great father and has good morals.
I think nowadays godparent's and trustees in case of death are rarely the same person, but still, you should figure out what you want out of a godparent and then pick whoever would fill that role best.
My godfather was worthless. I was baptized when I was 10, and my parents didn't know any Christian men (all their friends were Jewish) so, cause the Orthodox church required a Christian, I got stuck with someone I met the day of the ceremony, and whom I never ended up having any kind of relationship with. That was dumb, I think my whole family would have much preferred someone of another faith that we liked...
My godmother was my ex-best-friend's mom, but I lost touch with her after the best friend and I stopped talking. Again, bad choice for a godparent, as I think the entire concept is that they are invested in the well-being of the child, not just friends in good weather.
I guess that's appropriate given the fact that I've never been religious though. Or maybe that's why I've never been religious. (I doubt it).
I'm caretaker-in-case-of-freak-accident for my little brother.
1. He wasn't ever baptized/christened but his mother felt it was right to have 'another adult' in his life and duly gave me the role. He's now 19 and we have a close relationship, he's even spent a year living with me.
2. Another godson, same situation, again a single mum who always meant to get him baptized and never did. He has 2 godmothers and one godfather - I was asked when his mum was 3 weeks pregnant!! I'm the only one that has given him any attention of the three godparents; he's 14.
3. Goddaughter, she's 13, she doesn't have any godparents and picked me & her godfather when she was 12 ... again she's lucky as she has a close relationship with both of us. She is very open minded about religion and is the sister of No1 - but she wants other adults to 'fall back on'. She & her brother live the other side of the world.
4. Goddaughter who's 5, baptized in church, I'm her only godparent and we have a close relationship.
So to me, despite what religion you are kids need a 'godparent' who'll be there for them as another ear. Of the 4, I have legal responsibilities to 2 of them if anything should happen to their parents. What happens in church etc doesn't play so much of a part apart from giving your 'vows' that you'll look after them in any circumstance. I had 2 godparents who I don't think I ever met and certainly never made any contact with me yet I was baptized!
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(I doubt it). 
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