I donated a kidney to my dying husband and he cheated on me after he got well
Hi everbody. I just found out 3months ago my husband cheated on me emotionally and sexually for about two years. We have been together for 8years total. My husband has been very sick for the last 4 1/2 years ultimately leading to needing a kidney transplant. I stood by his hospital bed for years in and out of the hospital. I donated a kidney to him in 2005. I found out he was cheating because I was looking at one of our cell phone bills for a friends number I had forgotten. What I found were basically hundreds of calls back and forth to the same number. I confronted the woman who owned the number and she insisted that they were long time friends and had known each other since grade school and their mothers were best friends. I am 39 years old my husband is 44 years old. The OW is 42. My husband initially also denied being anything but friends. My husband is also physically disabled, he wasnt always and I stood by him through his crippling disease as well. He had two hip replacements on both sides, my husband can barely do anything and for years I felt a lack of consortium. I was mourning the loss of my healthy able bodied spouse. sex was virtualy non existent for me becuase he always said the meds decreased his drive. So I was being denied while another woman reaped physical benefits of my husband as well as emotional confidante. I also found out that he had bought her a small peice of jewlery a few days after they "sealed the deal so to speak" WOW did that hurt. I constantly play visions in my head of the two of them together. I found out alot of stuff via bank statements and phone bills. My husband has always taken very good care of me financially denying me nothing, but I would gladly live in abject poverty if I could take this away. I cry at the strangest times, I have panic attacks. Sometimes I go off on him at the drop of a dime becuase the anger is just right there at the surface even when I think its not. I go through extreme mood swings and deep depressions. She even had the nerve to visit him in the hospital bring her elderly mother along and introduce herself to me and shook my hand over my dying husbands hospital bed. I feel so STUPID. I am intelligent woman I have a Bachelors degree in Science. I trusted my husband implicitly. I always told friends and boasted you could strip naked in front of him and he wouldnt take the bait. I now feel as though I dont know who this person is. I have even given him blood several times to save his life. The woman eventually broke down and admitted she was in love with my husband and gave me dates and times some were lies some were truths. My husband says he was bored and lonely, I was at work and she just fit so well, since he had known her even much longer than me. This woman has never had children I have had three. I cant be nude in front of him because I now feel like an ugly second best for him, my self esteem is in the dumps. My husband has cut of all communication, and has been trying to be very loving. I just feel like a loser part of the time and the rest angry betrayed and unwanted. I am trying to forgive but I am obssesed with phone bills credit card statements it fills my every waking hour. How could I have not known for 2 years. He had to have felt some love for this person she was the first person he talked to when he woke up and the last before he went to bed, and several times in between during the day and night. visiting her home playing with her adopted children eating dinner with her and her family while I was at work. I love my husband and want to make it work, how do I stop obssesing and move on. I am so crushed I walk around in a daze all the time I try to put on a good front but I cry everyday. Please help. I also heard this woman attempted suicide because she cannot talk to him anymore and has commited herself, he says it meant nothing to him and cant understand why she is acting this way. HELP ME PLEASE I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO TRY TO ACT.......
Your husband is a selfish man and needs to seriously get some counselling to figure out WHY he would do such a thing to do, especially after you donated your kidney to him.
None of this is your fault, he chose to do this to you and your marriage!
So, he says it's over, but do you know this for sure?
Sadly, for her, he has thrown her under the bus and chances are she DOES really love him. He more than likely painted her a picture (a false one) that his marriage was suffering, that he was unhappy, didn't love you like he once did and she bought it, believed everything he said. Now, he's hurt two women and wanting you to forgive him like nothing happened. Yeah right..
Please get some counselling for yourself, to help you cope with this and figure things out. IS he worth fighting for? Can the marriage be saved? Do you want to give him a chance to make it right, to gain your love, faith and trust again? Right now he is desparate and will say anything, so make sure he really is NOT in contact with her behind your back. (install a keylogger onto his computer if need be.)
I cannot imagine what that kind of betrayal must feel like. I am so angry for you.
I am not married so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't think I could continue "working" on a marriage with someone after they did that to me. I would probably cut all contact immediately and plot some sort of revenge on the selfish piece of s!ht.
Rip your kidney out of the ungrateful mother-****er! What an ass! I can't believe some people are so selfish.
Though, I think the first step would be to leave his sorry, worthless, good-for-nothing ass. Anyone who could sleep at night knowing he did this to someone is not worth $hit, especially when you have given him so much!
Enough of my banter, I am sorry you are going through this! I hope things get better!
Sorry that you are going through this. However I think what you are doing is combining his cheating to your self-worth. You can't do that, because those two items do not go together.
What I'm trying to say is that your looks/personality had nothing to do with his infelidity. When he tells you this, this is something you can believe him with. His reasons for cheating are from within' him.
The fact that you gave him your kidney really doesn't play a part in this either. Although you did save his life and you should be looked at as someone who is very giving, I don't see how this means anything with the cheating.
I think you might get the real answers if you two were to goto marriage counseling. Before all of this, how did he treat you? Usually cheating spouses show verbal/emotional abuse way before the cheating starts.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this mess. I am so angry for you right now. The physical pain that you went through for this man, now you are going through the emotional pain that he chose to put you through.
I just hope that all the people who believe that having affairs with MM people is o.k. and love is guiding their choice, see the destruction that this situation causes.
What a noble act of love on your part. Many men would give their right tes***le to have a wife like you. You deserve a lot better than that poor excuse of man who calls himself your husband. Sorry for the rant but what he did to you has to be the lowest of the low that a human being can do to another.
__________________ "If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes, You Would Never Again Question Your Beauty"
Youi poor thing! How hurt you must feel. I want to tell you to walk out on him but I know you won't. If it was just a one time thing I would say maybe he is trying to prove to himself that he is still desireable after all his body has been through. But, it sounds like he was just out to have an affair, no guilt or concern for what you have done for him and how this may affect you. He is one selfish human being. I wonder if he cheated on you before he got sick? He just sounds so incredibly selfish.
I echo the suggestion for IC. Also, regardless of what you might otherwise feel, I'd separate from him right now. Disabilities do not confer upon one any special privileges. It sounds like he took many, many liberties with your love and trust.
I assume your children were from a prior relationship and are grown. Is that correct? If yes, then I would be even more swift with the separation part. Heal yourself and then see if there's anything left of the marriage.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I donated a kidney to my dying husband and he cheated on me after he got well
Linear Mode
