In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I sometimes wonder if I'll ever find anyone I want to spend quality time with. I sometimes wonder if I am even capable of having another long-term relationship with another woman. I wish I could just date someone to whom I was attracted and someone who didn't play silly little games. Possible anymore?
__________________ Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed
Oh you will matey, when you least expect it.Games are a womans forte (no offence meant) we men dont like to play along, but sometimes going out and playing them at their own can have a profoundly interesting effect, then puff from out of nowhere the girl you speak of will appear!
Maybe things are different here in Scotland we just bash em on the head with our haggis and take em home lol ;o) gl mate
Patience, an open mind and being optimistic is all you need.
Beautifully Spoken !
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"how do you gently break up with someone???..
Thats like saying how do I gently drive a monster truck through a china/glass/crystal shop.
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I know this sounds cliche, but it will happen for you AJ - I'm sure of it! You're a good looking guy, you're extremely intelligent, you seem to have a lot going for you.
I dunno...maybe it's the type of woman you are attracted to?
Just a thought.
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This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
The older we get, the less patience we have for unsatisfactory relationships. Finding someone with whom there's compatibility and chemistry (the two C's required for any relationship with any chance of surviving) is no mean feat. It takes luck, drive and hope. Cynicism and despair are relationship-killers.
One needs an open mind as well as an open heart.
Good luck, my friend.
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Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
- Oscar Wilde
The older we get, the less patience we have for unsatisfactory relationships. Finding someone with whom there's compatibility and chemistry (the two C's required for any relationship with any chance of surviving) is no mean feat. It takes luck, drive and hope. Cynicism and despair are relationship-killers.
One needs an open mind as well as an open heart.
Good luck, my friend.
I guess God should call me home then. Never find those things or if I did, it was just a shadow of hope which is quickly bashed to peaces on the reefs by reality's waves. People give me little optimism. Life is too often based on illusions, smoke and mirrors, and fairytales. Not to say I am not optimistic, some people even kick me for being too much optimistic sometimes, it is just not when it comes to the matter of me and love.
You are right about having to be open. But, sometimes even the wounds of old needs and outside source for the healing to begin.
But, I totally agree with you.
DNR
Finding peace in at least knowing love exist without and within, seen and unseen.
The older we get, the less patience we have for unsatisfactory relationships. Finding someone with whom there's compatibility and chemistry (the two C's required for any relationship with any chance of surviving) is no mean feat. It takes luck, drive and hope. Cynicism and despair are relationship-killers.
One needs an open mind as well as an open heart.
Good luck, my friend.
Good post grogster...
The other thing is that the older we get we are less willing to waste our time on just sex or a relationship that we know will only last 2-3 months and peter out...
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
The other thing is that the older we get we are less willing to waste our time on just sex or a relationship that we know will only last 2-3 months and peter out...
Maybe it's time to stop looking for a relationship and let things progress naturally if someone of interest appears. If no one of interest appears, relax and enjoy your singledom. From someone who was once married and fairly consistently in relationships previous, don't be so quick to want to give up your freedom.
__________________ Get busy living or get busy dying!
These men and women are right. I think you need to find hope for you finding that special someone. Maybe not looking for it so hard will help. Examining yourself and your life will also let you know if you are open and ready (and I am not talking about the stupid b.s. people place value on in a relationship). Here are a few things to look at...
1) Do you feel comfortable in your skin? Is it something you can fix or is it something that you have to live with and turn it to an advantage or work around it?
2) Do you give off the right vibe? That comes from the look on your face?. Posture of your body. The language your body speaks.
3) Do you have a life open for a relationship? Are hobbies taking up too much of your time? Are you too busy with studies or work? Do you have family issues that just seems to come up at the wrong time?
4) Do YOU really want a relationship? Are you really ready to deal with the good, bad, and ugly side of a partner? Are you prepared to deal with the chaos and high and varying emotions with dealing with someone on an deeper, intimate level? Are you willing to make certain sacrifices and adjustments to your life for a relationship?
These are but a few things you need to seriously think about.
Other things to look at is maybe it is something more personal inside you (for example I have a problem with social anxiety when it concerns letting people in. Now compound that with being introverted and very shy and you have a lone wolf, who lives in a turtle shell). Maybe it is something you can talk to people about or something medicine might help with.
Lastly, if you are like me and just don't know how (or have the nerve) to approach an romantic interest, find outside help to aid you. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but at least you can have more of a chance for that face-to-face time than you would on your own. My first and third g/fs were introduced to me. Try match making services or join events geared towards people meeting people. Singles' night, speed dating, mixers, heck even cuddle parties (all of which I am going to try once I get financially on my feet). So, you don't give up hope and be of good cheer okay?
Maybe it's time to stop looking for a relationship and let things progress naturally if someone of interest appears. If no one of interest appears, relax and enjoy your singledom. From someone who was once married and fairly consistently in relationships previous, don't be so quick to want to give up your freedom.
Like you said, you have been out there. Some of us WANT to be at that level. Its like someone who eats watermelon, doesn't like it and tells someone else not to eat it because they did not like it. How can that person truly know if they will like watermelon or not until they taste it for themselves. I mean I enjoyed the few gfs and love interests I had and I do want to do that again, even though they did not end how I wish they would have.
The driving thing for me is the desire to have a wife and children. It is too strong to NOT find joy in not having it. I can find peace in not having it (like that annoying thing you can never get ride of, you learn how to live with it), but I do not enjoy not having it. I place other things in my life to distract from it, but it does not take the place of that desire. Its like going down to a video store to find a certain movie for the night, you want that particular movie, but it is not there. You can't go back without a movie so you pick something else instead. And while yes, you do enjoy the selection and your evening, but you still have the desire to see that movie and are slightly disappointed you were not able to.
Like you said, you have been out there. Some of us WANT to be at that level. Its like someone who eats watermelon, doesn't like it and tells someone else not to eat it because they did not like it. How can that person truly know if they will like watermelon or not until they taste it for themselves. I mean I enjoyed the few gfs and love interests I had and I do want to do that again, even though they did not end how I wish they would have.
The driving thing for me is the desire to have a wife and children. It is too strong to NOT find joy in not having it. I can find peace in not having it (like that annoying thing you can never get ride of, you learn how to live with it), but I do not enjoy not having it. I place other things in my life to distract from it, but it does not take the place of that desire. Its like going down to a video store to find a certain movie for the night, you want that particular movie, but it is not there. You can't go back without a movie so you pick something else instead. And while yes, you do enjoy the selection and your evening, but you still have the desire to see that movie and are slightly disappointed you were not able to.
DNR
Sure, we all want to be loved and cherished. To get it, you have to be willing to give up a lot. Best to happen on the person, rather than finding the relationship.
If there's a consistent issue with being unable to commit to anyone, time to sit down and figure out what you really want as a person and in another person. The two items that amerikajin referenced, are barely requirements, in that headgames tend to be two-way streets. All it takes is one misunderstanding, early on in the dating game to create this type of scenario. Does the OP shut down the budding possibility because of this, or does he tactfully find a way to shut down the games by being open?
No one wants to be vulnerable. If you're vulnerable and the other person takes advantage or is cold, they're not the one for you.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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