In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
"Join a hobby group"... but why are they all so boring?
Everyone gives the same advice: "Lonely? Join a hobby or special interest group!"
But it's not as easy as it sounds.
I've tried to do this several times and every time, even after sticking with it for an extended period of time (once, I stuck with it grimly for two years), I just don't seem to make a connection with anybody.
You walk into the room and everyone is chatting and doesn't really want to do anything much associated with the supposed hobby or topic. Am I so wrong for wanting to get to know people through our common interest, versus just having the common interest be an excuse for chatting, gossip and popularity contests?
I don't ever have any FUN with these people. It's always "25% hobby talk, 75% talk about our husbands, wives and children" - and if you're single, that gets boring fast. Or, you get the uncomfortable feeling that you're a display in a meat market where some guy is trying to hook up with you. Look, I just wanna go biking! Or talk about environmental issues or plan awareness events! I don't want to hang around listening to you talk about your children... and I don't want to go clubbing with you or sleep with you!
"Start your own group" - well, unless you're a super organizer or really charismatic and already have a lot of friends, good luck in getting a group started.
No wonder lonely people join cults... at least cults are focused!
I'm thinkin the same exact thing. Tonight just got out of this photography class I'm taking, sitting there in the group and you know, normally.. say I wasn't going through this rut.. I'd be right there with them socializing about everything and whatever. But since I been out of it and I'm trying to START my social life over, I kinda gotta start at the basics.. Now I don't want to always be like this purely focused on my hobby kind of person.. but right now, my mind just isn't big enough or I'm not in the "flow"..
I totally know what you mean.. I'm glad u posted cause I feel so sick and alone of this and it's killing me too!! It's like, I think I'm hoping I'd go to these classes or groups and meet someone EXACTLY like myself, who's really there looking to meet friends or kick-start their social life again. But time and time again I wind up with the people who have totally fulfilling social lives and are simply there cause it's a class they need to fulfill their major or just like it but it's only a fraction of their life..
I don't know what to tell you tho!! just that it sucks and I feel you
If you both are financially stable, you might what to look into dating sites and events geared towards what you are looking for. Mixers, speed dating, and other social events where people are there for that purpose. So, trying to go to a photography class to pick up mates probably isn't going to work, especially if your not that charismatic, head turner or that super-flirt who could talk a Mother Superior out of her nun's outfit, then, just joining any hobbyist group, rarely works.
And yes, I am like you guys when it comes to being lonely. That's why I can't wait until I get a job so I can start working on my social/love life.
If you both are financially stable, you might what to look into dating sites and events geared towards what you are looking for. Mixers, speed dating, and other social events where people are there for that purpose.
Well, maybe, if you're REALLY lucky. But there are a lot of hurdles to clear there, too. They're few and far between, and none of them are a charity - they're all set up specifically to separate you from as much of your money as possible. I haven't found anything yet (and I've been looking for over twenty years) that wasn't an excuse to give sales pitches for dating services and marketing schemes. Oh yeah; and, if you're in your twenties, you can expect about 20 men for every one woman. By your forties, it's not uncommon to have a room full of only men and no women showing up.
Dating service: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Did you not read what I wrote? I don't want to date anyone. I just want to do stuff I like with someone(s) I like. I want to have decent conversations with non-complacent people. Male or female, I don't care.
Hmm. I guess you should have joined my universities. All the activity groups here - they do nothing other than activities. I feel like I am taking classes. God. They are like 90% activities and 10% socializing.
no wait...I see this person has already replied! Whoops!
hey, been there, done that babes, don't do it anymore unless i'm seriously bored and the next best option is to plant myself in front of my house and pretend to be a scarecrow.
maybe, jussst maybe, I'd increase my chances of joining a 'hobby club' then, but chances are that I'd still probably won't
I tried to join this Brahma Kumari meditation/spiritual group once coz i'm really into the Neale Donald Walsch/Eckhart Tolle/Wayne Dyer/Chopra thingy but the only spiritual high I got was having their vegan-based carrot cake right after the class.
Now, talk about attaining enlightenment man! Mmmm...yum, yum carrot cake! Everything else was just phooeey for me as all they were going on about was letting the spirit go, joining its 10th dimension mirror-self in some marshmallow planet of the Gwailo galaxy.
Well, you get the pick-ture! Needless to say, my attempts at finding my 10th dimensional spirit self was a total failure, although my belly was completely satisfied at the carrot cake.
But getting back to serious biz, I find it's always better to pursue your hobbies yourself. Along the way as you find enjoyment in it, who knows? Your current pool of friends might hear about it and want in. Then a couple of you could make a commitment to meet up every once in awhile to do the hobby.
Hmm. I guess you should have joined my universities. All the activity groups here - they do nothing other than activities. I feel like I am taking classes. God. They are like 90% activities and 10% socializing.
me too, and this is precisely why I don't like them, it's just a way to keep busy and not too much of a way to make bounds with people
I don't need something to fill up my idle time of the week with, it feels like a waste of time and an hassle on occasion
in the end you go back to your apartment alone and don't have anyone to hang out with outside of the clubs' room
I've had a bad experience in joining a hobby group. If you don't make friends with the guys in charge of the group, prepare to feel lonely and excluded.
I'd rather just invite a bunch of friends to do an activity together rather than join a hobby group.
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Needless to say, my attempts at finding my 10th dimensional spirit self was a total failure, although my belly was completely satisfied at the carrot cake.
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