I'm 21, married seven years and attracted to another...
Im 21 and been with my parter (28) for 7 years now were married (3 yrs ago) we have a son. Yes that means that at 15 i met him and when i was 16 i had our child.
I have never expierienced lust or passion for any one else untill this new guy came to work. Its been now about 4 months of smilling and glances and recently we exchanged numbers and chatted on line.
Im very mature for my age and know its the wrong thing to do but he makes me feel so free. I think i may have outgrown my current relatiionship, but what do you do when you have such a great guy who would never cheat and has given me the world. Do i stick around and hope things will get better and this phase will pass, is it just a 7 year ich? I tried to explain to him that we dont connect on the same level anymore and he nearly turned yellow, for him all is perfect, but inside i feel numb and so so lost, i dont want to betray him but perhaps if i did i would appreciate him more and get it out of my system, please some good advise ppl
Sounds like you are still young and to top it off, going through the 7 year itch, new guy, the high of something new, plus the high of being treated like a woman and not a mom, etc...
It can also be that you're now a young MILF which some guys like.
It comes down to what you feel about your current relationship? You can keep going and risk it or just tone it down and KEEP IT PLATONIC.
Go to marriage counselling and work on your marriage. You owe it to your son to do this, and also to your husband...Marriage isn't easy and fact that you married and had a child when you were very young makes it even harder.
Maybe you have grown apart from your husband, but you need to try to fix this first, atleast this way you'll know did your best to try to make it work...If you leave now, especially for someone else (grass is greener situation here) you might very well regret your choice in afew months...
I wonder if the tables was reversed would you like your husband to get someone else on the side and still would you think it's okay???
Bottom line it's lust and those butterflies in your stomach will fade if you get with the new man and be with him, cultivate your relationship and help it grow. Dont jump from bed to bed, seeking happiness with this other guy.
Infatuation will fade and eventually if you leave your current squeeze you'll hate yourself if he finds someone else. They all do. Think about your son. Is that what women do to the men they profess to love? He is learning it from you.
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This gun means you are the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men, but I'm trying, I'm trying real hard to be the sheppard...
I won't even get started with sex between an adult and minor since you too are married, but if it were my child someone would have their behind in a corner in jail and not bending over for anything.
You need to rely on that maturity you say you have and recognize ifatuation when you see it. It isn't abnormal to feel something for others, but it is the maturity that says, I will not act on this. I will seek help to help me deal with these feelings. I will not add pain and suffering to my child and I will do things in a way that my child see the right way to handle life. Think about what values you want to impart to your child.
Cbear, Please, don't have sex with your co-worker... It will almost certainly lead to negetive things. Marriage counseling? great if you can and are interested.
If you really believe your marriage is over.. take steps to end it. Please use the maturity you mentioned to end one relationship before beginning another.
You owe the above to your husband, the "great guy" and to your child. The majority of people here, and in society in general will tell you that you took on adult responsibility to soon. That's moot now. Now you need to make informed adult decisions.
Good Luck, Think hard before you act, and be carefull.
you can't do much now about getting married too young, other than try mc,it's normal to want to experience different things(men). Are you feeling trapped? but all in all if you feel that strongly about om, please leave you husband first. getting divorced is bad enough, with out destroying him by a affair.
I won't bash you but if the need for you to cheat is so strong, then please do your husband and yourself a favor and get a divorce. You have no idea of what you are you are naive if you believe that your marriage will not affected by it. You want maturity? then have a heart to heart talk with your husband about your feelings of attraction for this OM (other man) from work and let him decide if it is worth it to continue with the marriage. As someone else asked you, how would you feel if it was your husband who had written this post? and also why is it acceptable for you to consider sleeping with another man but unacceptable for your husband to do the same with another woman? Ask yourself these questions before you do anything that can never be undone afterwards.
__________________ "If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes, You Would Never Again Question Your Beauty"
Tell your husband everything you've told us, and don't cheat on hubby. You and your husband do need marriage counseling, as someone else here mentioned. If you don't want a divorce from your husband, then you're going to have to go total NC with OM, chances are, you're gonna have to quit your job. Well, it's your job and OM, or your husband that you've shared so much with, until now!
By the way, if you do decide to cheat(God Forbid!) you'll be cheating on your son too, I wonder how he will feel about what you did to his father and him in a few years!
Many people would KILL to have what you have!
__________________ -You don't know the Power of the Dark side! - I find your lack of faith disturbing! -The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force! - Darth Vader
If you want to get a glimpse of how much devastation marital infidelity brings to a marriage, I suggest that you go to survivinginfidelity.com and read the forums, especially the "Just Found Out. The gut wrenching stories of people on both sides of the fence are quite sobering and just might make you think twice about cheating on your husband.
Oh dear. You are in a tricky situation. I have known quite a few people who have fled their marriages to really nice people because it all happened when they were so young. You HAD to grow up VERY fast if you were married and had a kid by 18.
Its a very exciting and heady experience this first infatuation. I don't actually know if its any different with age. I met my H at 20 and am now 35. Had an A, and saw the destruction and carnage it created. Its really really not worth it. But I know what people told ME before I took it a step further. They warned me. I didn't listen. I wish I had.
If you have a huge amount of maturity and intengrity, then you would finish with your H and explore life on 'the other side.' That's a pretty big ask for a 21 year old. It IS the best course of action. Life is about timing. But please please please realise, that your decisions NOW can affect someone else (your H and your son) for the rest of their lives.
Trust me. I made the wrong decisions and to see the pain you inflict on people will haunt you for the rest of your life.
To all that have responded, many thanks, funny how ten complete strangers can all give the exact same responce as any one of my closest friends, this must mean something huh?
I have decided that i have three options,
a) continue just to chat on line and smile but try my hardet to keep it platonic
b) just do it
c) Give my husband the fair chance with this guy out of the picture if he likes me he can wait a few months
im going to take option c > I will meet with other guy and explain everything to him that he can expect nothing from me and tell him of my sistuation and that i need him to distance himself from me too. I am not the type to betray its not my character and only the thoughts of it torment me so much. So i can only imagine what will happen if i acctually do it,
One lat piece of advise though ppl, should i meet upw ith him to tell him all of this to his face or just send a message
Your best bet is to just stop corresponding with him at all...if you are serious about making your marriage work. If you MUST tell him why you cannot keep talking to him, I wouldn't recommend face to face. That's just asking for trouble. I would actually probably just do it over the phone. (emails and IM's can be forwarded....and if he gets angry, he just might do that....just something to remember)
I would tell your husband everything, then tell him about ending it with the OM, then both of you get your Butts over to marriage counseling and fix the marriage!
I don't know if it's necessary to hurt your husband further by confessing you have feelings for another guy... especially if you stop chatting with this other guy asap... you have only crossed the line ever so slightly- so it's probably prudent to pull back and deal with one relationship at a time.
I think if you confess your feelings for another guy it will convolute the issue at hand and it will bring about trust issues between the two of you. I would concentrate on dealing with the fact that you are feeling an emotional and romantic distance from your husband. That is what you should be dealing with first and foremost.
I wouldn't meet up with this other guy- that is where temptation may become stronger- again...just another thing you don't want to deal with right now.
Figure out whether you want to fix your marriage or not first. If you decide that you don't, and wish to move on... then you can talk to other men as you choose without a guilty conscience.
I know if my husband told me he had feelings for another woman- I would find it hard to forgive him- even if he hadn't acted on it.
You don't want to make a mistake you will regret by having an affair. Stop the contact now while it hasn't gone past the flirting stage.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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