My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. He was the first man I ever really loved and we were so in love - or so I thought. He pulled the rug from under me and broke up with me out of the blue. It tore me up and it took over 2 1/2 years to get over it.
My ex calls me, texts me, and even emails me about once every 3-4 weeks. He says he wants to be friends, so I email back with polite questions and answers, but nothing too personal.
Every time he contacts me (including an email today that sparked this thread), he mentions his new fabulous gf! WHY?!?
I'm afraid that if I tell him to leave me alone, he'll know I still am not completely over what happened. I don't want him to feel that kind of power. He doesn't deserve it. He was so mean in the end. His last 2 emails, I ignored.
I am trying to get over a current heartache, and he keeps contacting me! It makes everything pertaining to him and me resurface and makes my current issue with my most recent breakup even THAT MORE DIFFICULT.
__________________ You’re going to get plenty of emotional complications from anyone. Even people who have their lives very well pulled together are going to give you lots of opportunities to practice patience and understanding. There’s no point in starting out with someone who isn’t even trying. ~Linda Holmes
Last edited by pr-girl; 23rd April 2008 at 7:40 PM.
It's possible that even though he doesn't want to commit to being with you, he wants your attention and affection. My ex did the same with me, he broke my heart in a very horrible manner and i cut him off completely...but he would send me messages through our mutual friends and my friends. Mithering them about what im doing, whether i was with anyone. Eventually he got my number off one of them and would text me on every tiny little special occassion as an example 'merry xmas honey, miss you...just watching that dvd we watched together on valentines day...brings back memories. please text back xxxx' After a year i gave in, it was tearing me up inside. We met up the sparks flew, he told everyone we were 'sort of back together' after he'd slept with me a few times he came clean and said he didnt want to get back together. Basically he just still wanted and still to this day wants to know im at his beck and call. I regret letting him back in my life. Please take note of my mistakes, hope it deters you from keeping contact with him.....he's just bad news for you hun. Just keep ignoring him, he won't bring you any happiness.
Every time he contacts me (including an email today that sparked this thread), he mentions his new fabulous gf! WHY?!?
I'm afraid that if I tell him to leave me alone, he'll know I still am not completely over what happened. I don't want him to feel that kind of power. He doesn't deserve it. He was so mean in the end. His last 2 emails, I ignored.
Just keep it casual, the new GF, well you two are on friendly terms and you answer his contact.
It shows at least you two are talking and you are receptive to his contact.
If he asks again or does something, say it is none of you business on what goes between him and his gf. If he can't handle that, then ignore contact related to the gf and respond only to those that are appropriate.
It's possible that even though he doesn't want to commit to being with you, he wants your attention and affection. My ex did the same with me, he broke my heart in a very horrible manner and i cut him off completely...but he would send me messages through our mutual friends and my friends. Mithering them about what im doing, whether i was with anyone. Eventually he got my number off one of them and would text me on every tiny little special occassion as an example 'merry xmas honey, miss you...just watching that dvd we watched together on valentines day...brings back memories. please text back xxxx' After a year i gave in, it was tearing me up inside. We met up the sparks flew, he told everyone we were 'sort of back together' after he'd slept with me a few times he came clean and said he didnt want to get back together. Basically he just still wanted and still to this day wants to know im at his beck and call. I regret letting him back in my life. Please take note of my mistakes, hope it deters you from keeping contact with him.....he's just bad news for you hun. Just keep ignoring him, he won't bring you any happiness.
After we broke up, we talked for a few weeks, then he saw me on a date with someone else and got very upset. We didn't talk for months! Then, out of the blue, he called me because he was running in the Race for the Cure (which is coming up again in a couple weeks and both of us will most likely be there) and he knew I'd be there. He said he wanted to try and be friends.
I tried for awhile, but he began asking for concert tickets (I worked at a radio station at the time) for him and his gf, he'd kiss all over some chick at a concert in front of me, he would talk about his new gf's all the time. Finally, I got fed up. I am so annoyed today especially. My recent ex and I broke up 2 months ago and I've received 2 emails and 1 text from the first ex since - always in regard to him and his girl.
Is he trying to make me jealous? Is he trying to make me see he's happy without me? Why?
Shouldn't I be over this by now? Jeez! It was over 3 years ago! When I saw him with another girl 2 1/2 years after we broke up, I completely fell apart. Do I have major issues, or what?
It would be easier if you limited the contact, plus you are going through another tough time after the latest break up, which makes you more vulnerable than usual, so I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I were you.
My question is, why are you still friends with your ex? What does he actually bring into your life? Is he really a 'friend' to you in the sense of being there, being supportive? I think in a way you are still hanging onto him, not in hopes that he'll come back to you, but hearing from him still makes you feel and you haven't let him go out of your heart.
It's really hard to be 'friends' with an ex, especially one that you still love and aren't over. You're still too emotionally attached to him, so maybe it's time to just distance yourself. You don't owe him any real explanation, you just stop contacting him and stop replying to his emails..wait afew days, don't be in a rush. See, I think HE likes the fact that you still like him.
Wow! I get to use my mystical Obvious Stick again tonight.
YOU have to let him go. YOU have to st.op answering his calls. YOU have to let him become like so much trash you sweep away. YOU have to grow up even if he isn't.
It is not hard to see he knows he has you. He has your heart and soul and probably your body if he plays his cards just right. He is a sadist and dominant enjoying playing you like a dog does his favorite chew toy. He wants to be your friend to torture you to show you that he has power to control your destiny while he enjoy his.
I may be cold in my emotions when I deal with ex's, but this is my theory, if an ex breaks up for me for their own pleasure, they are unworthy to be my friend. If an ex decided to flaunt their new love in my face, you can rest assured they would never have a chance to do that again. And while I don't think there is anything wrong with your ex becoming your friend, I do caution one really think twice before the proceed to do so.
DNR
While I don't recommend this seriously I will say, GIRL FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO IS WILLING TO BE USED AND GET YOUR INNER TIGERESS BACK!
I had an ex do that to me recently. He treated me badly, we broke up and then he contacted me out of the blue on evening 4 months after our break up to tell me "he met someone". It made no sense to me why he would call me to see how I was doing, make silly small talk and then spring that on me. It's almost like he was gloating- adding insult to injury. What I did was seeth in silence for about 30 seconds and then for lack of a better idea I just hung out on him. He then sent a text with a "?" and I never responded.... He got the hint.
Only a jack-*ss would do something like that to you. There is no point to the friendship, no need to have contact with him.
As much as it's obvious you are having difficulty getting over it- it's also obvious this guy has issues. Why does he feel the need to flaunt other woman in front of your face unless he has some insecurities and issues of his own.
It can only bother you, if you let it. It's something you have to practice over time and after awhile, it becomes a part of you. Once they cross the line to ex, they're no longer yours, so they can do whatever they want, whenever they want to and it doesn't bother you.
It's like a kill switch for feeling territorial. It even works during a relationship.
__________________ The only way to have a friend, is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
My question is, why are you still friends with your ex? What does he actually bring into your life? Is he really a 'friend' to you in the sense of being there, being supportive? I think in a way you are still hanging onto him, not in hopes that he'll come back to you, but hearing from him still makes you feel and you haven't let him go out of your heart.
It's really hard to be 'friends' with an ex, especially one that you still love and aren't over. You're still too emotionally attached to him, so maybe it's time to just distance yourself. You don't owe him any real explanation, you just stop contacting him and stop replying to his emails..wait afew days, don't be in a rush. See, I think HE likes the fact that you still like him.
Totally agree. You don't need 'friendship' like that. It's time to shut him down by shutting him out. Take your power back and don't let him destroy your peace of mind like this.
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