[e.clipse]

not too long ago, i made a new friend, S. even though we have not been friends for very long, she has quickly made her way into my heart, in that i care plentifully for this girl.

i talk to her almost everyday and hang out with her on weekly basis, about 2-4 days a week. she's about half a year younger than i am, which is a bit different for me, since most of my friends are older than i.

regardless (and it's not like a few months are even a big deal, really), she is a total sweetheart--one of those friends that you know you should hang on to, since they are few and far between.

unfortunately, she has constant struggles with her roommate, who, while i try to empathize with and understand, is such a total jerk most of the time. when she tells me about all of the woes he puts her through, i feel really bad for her and sometimes wish i could just whisk her away from him.

in this sense--in that i am there for her to listen, console, and give "advice" to her whenever she so needs it--i don't think i am a lousy friend. the area where i question myself is the one that deals with me and my issues.

you see, she pretty much knows the "basics" of what is me, and i do let her know i am feeling blue or whatever when i am feeling really down, but i don't really get detailed. and i feel bad for this because i know i can trust her, but i can't figure out why i can be as open as i am on this forum, for example.

one of the topics i can hardly ever broach is the whole ordeal between me and my exbf, which seems never-ending. sure, i've told her how things have been, in a nutshell, but i can't bring myself to express my real feelings, struggles, and situations with him, even though they are a huge part of my life. i simply can't bring myself to admit to her how often i cry, miss, and long for him on a daily basis; not even how much i still love him.

i don't know. i just wonder if i am being lousy. i mean, of course i don't want to dump my woes and frustrations on to her when she has many of her own, but i feel that, in some way, i am not being completely honest with her by not expressing myself fully.

and for some reason, this has been bugging me lately. and i just don't know if it's a "normal" thing or well, what?

maybe i'm just crazy.

EDIT: you know, i've longed for a real good friend for a long time (someone beside my exbf, who was my best friend for many years) and i'm just getting upset at myself. S has no idea about my crazy/pathetic Romantic ways. often she'll say things like, "Don't you think it's time for you to get yourself a new BF?" and i'll just laugh it off and say something evasive like: "Yea, huh?" and quickly change the subject.

i mean, how can i possibly express my views on love and dating without sounding psycho? how can i tell her i don't see the point in dating, that i don't want to date, and that i truly and honestly believe that my exbf will always and forever be the absolute love of my life? how can i even tell her that i still love and care for him dearly, even after all of the heartache we have put each other through? oh god. /)_(\

[Ronni_W]

Most of my life, my friends have seen me in that same role of "advisor, supporter, strong got-it-together person", etc.
Part of it was because I am that - wise, objective, compassionate, etc. It sounds like you are, too.

Another part is that I also represented myself like that - sounds like you are, too. But then we end up feeling sort of "less than" if/when we need some help and support ourselves.
Our thoughts go something like, "If I show I don't have it all together on this, then they are gonna think this-and-that about me." (And yeah, even, "I'm gonna sound like a psycho -- or some needy freak"...or whatever we tell ourselves when we choose to not reveal our true feelings and thoughts to others.)
That is us trying to uphold that image that we have of ourselves, and that our friends have, of us. So we don't ask for the help and support that we want and need. (In my case, I never even knew HOW to ask for that, even if I would have found the courage to ask.)

Another part is that my friends really didn't have the insights and skills to offer me any real "advice". I had a choice between seeing them as my friends, or judging them as not having enough insights and skills to be useful to me (as friends).

Finally, I had trust/intimacy issues -- did not like to feel emotionally vulnerable and exposed, preferred keeping things close to my own mind/heart.

All of it is 'normal'. Obviously trust/intimacy issues are going to get in the way of having really trusting and intimate relationships with friends, family and partner. So, I did end up working with a therapist on that.

To answer the question in your subject line, though: No! I didn't see anything that makes you a "bad friend"