[Tincup]

Hello LS readers..I am recently divorced and the marriage broke up due to an ongoing affair that my X wife had. I was lied to, manipulated, and most damaging was the total loss of trust that I had for someone that I cared very deeply for. As a result, I have issues not so much with trust but it is more like layers of body armor that I have that that protect me from going through this type of thing again.

I have met a really nice lady who is very aware of what I went through with my X and appears to be very interested in me. We have gone out once, and have plans to go out again. To be honest I even fear arranging a date. I fear it from the point that my X would criticize everything I planned during the last year or so of our marriage so I just assume that the new lady will not like it.

My problem is I need advice for how to overcome this feeling. Since she knows what I went through I was thinking of just sitting down and talking to her. Tell her that I am afraid of letting someone get close to me. this really sucks because it seems like I take one step forward and then two back.

Anyone understand what I am saying or been there?

[answerplease37]

Originally Posted by Tincup

Hello LS readers..I am recently divorced and the marriage broke up due to an ongoing affair that my X wife had. I was lied to, manipulated, and most damaging was the total loss of trust that I had for someone that I cared very deeply for. As a result, I have issues not so much with trust but it is more like layers of body armor that I have that that protect me from going through this type of thing again.

I have met a really nice lady who is very aware of what I went through with my X and appears to be very interested in me. We have gone out once, and have plans to go out again. To be honest I even fear arranging a date. I fear it from the point that my X would criticize everything I planned during the last year or so of our marriage so I just assume that the new lady will not like it.

My problem is I need advice for how to overcome this feeling. Since she knows what I went through I was thinking of just sitting down and talking to her. Tell her that I am afraid of letting someone get close to me. this really sucks because it seems like I take one step forward and then two back.

Anyone understand what I am saying or been there?

I can fully understand why you would have a "Trust" issue. I think it's best to be straight forward and let her know how your feeling and why. As far as over coming the trust issue itself.. you might want to consider IC. Best wishes.

AP